chyi just called me...she sounded SO tired..:S..hope she ll survive her work...n i realized i'm missing lots of ppl...or rather..i'm missing sch badly..i could no longer take it for granted tt i would be able to *hug* chyi n baobei..niao kan:D and laugh at jingshi everyday like i used to be..and toking cock with ppl like biao when i see them...haiZ...really hope i can c you guys more often:)..and yes..i might be going to rgs to teach...i dono whether i'm making a correct choice..but i know i see no point in doing my current job for the next few mths when the ppl there are most prob. quiting.. they are the driving force for me to work..i was pretty doubtful at first too..but but but...i dono...it seems to be like..even god knows i'm deperate for money...there have been opportunities falling from the sky these days... from the 1st job tt i was admitted to which offers me $1200..to the Times Mag. calling me asking me to do full time sales job with $1400 and right now tiger's rgs relief teach...i had rejected so many of them.. yes...i know i'm dumb...but when tiger's msg reached me..i couldn't help but wonder are these offers from god or wat...it's really a "the whole world conspires to help you achieve it"kind of feel...n i since then..i don c the pt of me rejecting...i know i might sound dumb..but i just got this instinct tt i shouldn't let another chance just slip by my toes AGAIN...:S...haiZ..it's never easy to choose.....
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
hEy yOhz~~ wah...today i peel grapefruit peel until i -_-...a whole BOX ok!!!finally understood Syl's tong ku job...:P..hahaha..really is cannot c an end to it liddat..haha..but qutie slack las..no need to think one..just keep on doing..den slack slack den c hua jie den gek concentrating:P..haha! but the Chen Shi Fu very nice..use his phone to play songs for me :)..den his phone got record Hao Xin Fen Shou...haha..the ONLY canto song i knew in his phone..den he KEPT on playing it coz he knew i kind of like it:)heehee...and yes..hua jie is getting nicer oso..haha..so i shall not bitch tooo much abt her las...but it's also coz i can sort of understand wat she's saying..her instructions are never easy to understand...:S..haha..but i like to serve Japanese!! coz they are SUper nice...super POLITE!! making you feel really appreciated! haha..not like some NIAO women who don even know how to smile and say THANK YOU~~:S..those JP arh~~ everytime oso "arigato"..until dono who's the waitress liddat~~~:P..those angmohs oso quite nice:)..except for some..hahah...yit jing dio this SUPER disgusting angmoh on the first day of his work( his first customer somemore..haha!) he got a FEIRCE KBing fr tt angmoh coz some of the things tt he ordered were not avaliable(don have is HIS fault les..dots los..)...very poor thing...haha..and ever sicne then..whenever he sees some angmoh..den he ll whisper to me "eh..angmoh phobia.."hahahah! and i observed tt whenever i ask/say something to syl...he ll always start his first sentence with "bu dong leh.."hahaha!
anyway..thx tiger a lot les!!!! help me n mel settle our BEI DA application thingy~~ãnd treated us to lunch!!! :)...but actually is coz ying yi they all came back..so we went to lunch together n tiger SHUN BIAN treated us~~hahaha...thai ice tea n tom yam n chicken wing!!^^V...tt's my nicest lunch for nearly 2 wks!!!:)..but anyway i think i must have been looking really POOR~~~...keep on skipping lunches n dinners..coz don wan to waste time eat...haiZ...all for my beida...earning my OWN allowance in beijing watZ...sometimes..i ponder...y the hell am i tiring myself out just to go overseas to study? i mean...if i choose to stay in spore..den i don have to skip dinners to earn more..don have to give tuitions de very next morning after knocking off at 10 plus 11pm the night before and chiong to work again after the tuition..and still trying to find MORE tuitions...and i have to study for the entrance exam starting from next yr...i really dono how am i suppose to guggle btw all these...don even feel like thinking abt it..:S..but well...i know what i'm doing.. i know i'm the one who choosed this path....i just have to bear with it...haiz..
but oh wells...i gtg to mark this chi essay written by my student...very diff to mark..coz super broken chi...her tuition tmr morning...somemore gotta work fr 1 30 to 11 30pm..hope i won drop dead...hahhas...:P..anyway..ppl~~~if yall got some hao jie shao for tuition....tell me ok!!:) thx thx!
Sunday, December 26, 2004
yes.i'm finally updating about my happening life~~~hahaha...i really love the ppl there!!! hahaha...well..they are(pls refer to xiya's blog) really VERY funny!..hahaha..damn helpful:)..haha..we are pretty close las:)..coz..haha..6 ppl only..how distant can you get? :P..i like to tease syl a lot( for your info xiya..he's called EDWIN..but who cares~~~i'm called "hwa chong"okieZ..hahah)..well...how funny they are....have to tell yall in person~~hahah!! it's going to be damn long if i list them down...:P
oh wells...now to de BITCHING n KBing part....there's this woman..darn irritating..making me feel like slapping her...talking to her makes me feel like HELL...ok..not TT bad..but usually..COZ she's DARN disorganized n like to put the blame on OTHERS..it's like...till now..we STILL don have a fixed time of work..it's like..i'm part time las..but i worked MORE than full timers la~~wat de hell!..i tot part timers shd have more freedom..ok..tt's not the main pt...the pt is...she's DAMN clever to open the shop at 5pm(well the rest have to report on 6...so you tot the shop ll open at 6 or slightly after right?) on Xmas Eve..when there's only me n xiya dere(well syl was washing plates n cutting fruits)...HELLO?!?!?! there are 18 tables!! n one of us has to be the cashier...so i was one left (plus tt woman) to handle the sudden gush of tables of PPL~~~...i felt GOOD les..when that was my FIRST time doing...she's the woman with the LEAST amt of BRAIN i've ever seen~~~-_-..hello...not as if she din expect a lot of ppl..
den...tt's still not TT bad...she's disorganized..fine...cant blame her las...limtied brain cell wat to do...but she's always SCOLDING ppl for NO reason?! or scolding ppl for HER mistakes...thx! like...she's kangjiong abt the orders..coz she cant handle them...but she kept blaming us for NOT being able to handle...ok fine...i admit tt we were a little confused too..but hey~~~she was scolding us for taking down some orders which are still not available....ok...if she had told us EARLIER tt those stuff were not available..den it would be OUR fault..but she DIN!! the day before she as still saying those things ARE available...hello?! yes les...our fault les~~~-_-...tt's not the end...when she saw our orders wrongly....it's OUR fault too...i took down this order: E11) a very nice E)...n basically she tot it was F11...n of course...gave the wrong product to the customer...n den..she started to blame ME..."刚才你明明写的是F!"..OK FINE..my FAULT...i went over and CHANGED it so tt i can get a scolding from you can? !@#$%~
she told us before tt custormers are ALWAYS right...NV to agitate customers...n yes...shé is such a FABULOUS eg. tt i don think i can ever manage to follow...there's this gang of guys...waiting for their mango pudding( they had waited for really long) n was like asking me wat's going on...so i went to the bar trying to help them check the orders...but tt blardie woman just PUSHED me away fr the bar when i told her "hua jie...table 9 still haven gotten their mango pudding yet"...n she went "don care abt them! i dono...don come n irritate me.. i'm busy!Go away!"...HELLO?!?! let's forget abt her rudeness first..but HELLO?! is this HOW you shd treat your customer?! and....how am i suppose to ans them? "sorry...my boss says DON CARE?"...so i was like telling them "sorry..it ll be here in a moment..really sorry..."...so i went 3 times to the bar trying to tell HER to tell the chief to make their mango pudding...n everytime she SHOOed me away...the guys were nice enough to me..coz i looked quite pathetic...guessed they saw me trying to help them but got rejected..so for the last time i went back to tell them...i had to admit "sorry....i'm not sure..coz the boss.."i din even finish my sentence n one of the guys..who was still smiling at me saying "ít's ok"suddenly turned really black n shot up fr his chair n chiong to tt woman...leaving me (T_T) ...nearly wanted to cry...but the other guys where like consoling...."don worry...it's ok...don be scared.."...i dono how wat happened later...but heard everything's settled.. heard fr derren that tt table( i think) even asked him whether we want them to write a complain letter( to complain her of course) or not....so...you get the pt...
n yes....she scolded me for things tt i din even know i'm not supposed to do so...like..i din know the order they look at the orders at the bar..so i was trying to squeeze one in a line when it was already full...n she DIN tell me not to do so..well...i guessed she prob scolded others for tt mistake of mine... but i wasnt there..n the 2nd i time i did tt...she roared at me.."i TOLD YOU NOT TO DO TT! Y CANT YOU LISTEN?!" i was like...since when did you tell me tt?!?!
i think she don like me..when xiya( the cashier) don have enough small change for customers....i rushed to the bar to helped her to tell tt woman abt it...xiya was quite kang jiong....coz EH~~~ tell me how you settle the bill like this?! so i was like.."hua jie...xiya don have change already. how?"n guess wat? she gave me a why- are-you-so-irritating look plus rolling her eyes at me n ignored me!..HEY?! TA MA DE! who are you to give me tt look?! who do you think you arh? a blardie old women who has NOTHING more then me other than experience?! n WAT ABT XIYA?!?! let her die there izzit? n the most infuriating thing is tt i told another guy to help me tell her...n she LISTENED. WAD THE heCK?!
wat angered me most wat her comment"i knew you young ppl have no brains"when she was muttering to herself..EH! if i'm considered NO brains...there must be something SERIOUSLY wrong with singapore's edu system then! we were all like trying to clean her ass...n she was neither grateful or appreciative....
she's the FIRST person tt i REALLY feel like bitching ok!...goodness! how she managed to be a manager?! ok...she's alright when she's not under stress...but the pt is...disorganized+cannot cope with stress=worst results...but well...it's ok...it's always OUR fault tt she's disorganized...-_-...i dono wat's wrong with her....she behaves like an lao chu nv...always agitated over nothing in particular.. super unreasonable MOST of the time...ahuh! i rmb today while she was arranging n fixing a table which was a little shaky ..i wanted to help her push the table to the side..coz i know she din realize tt putting tt table tt way was blocking tt way...but she was irritated again "y are you here? go away...cant you c i doing it?"( meaning...i don need you to help me..go away!)..i was like...ok fine...like i wan to help YOU...n sure enough..i found the table right in the middle blocking the way...wonder wat's her IQ..prob 0....EQ..well...negative....
haiZ...sorry...so much of kbing...you guys must be more interested in the better part...well...i would say...i really like my job...i wan to stay all coz of tt ppl ard me...if only she werent there....
heard tt she ll be going back to HK...good..cant wait to celebrate her leaving...haiZ...but thx to her...i learnt more abt tolerance..and everything..coping with such irritating supervisors...i had my share of experience...也算是一种成长吧。。i'm really quite amazed by myself not to fan1 lian3 with her YEt haha..given my huo3 bao4 character....:)
but i still have to say...i really wan to go back to tt place before she goes away...n DEMAND her to SERVE me...at the same time giving very NIAO orders with my LOUSIEST atttitude EVER....n make sure tt she's WRONG even if she's CORRECT...
but thx kan for coming twice:)...once alone...and once with da shao~~~hahahah:) but really is not left a lot of rubbish for me to clean! bleahZ~~~~ i was cursing while cleaning when i realized it was THEIR table~~~hahaha! eh...got Mcdonalds' somemore los! hahaah!
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
haha~~~~ yes...my collegues are nice ppl~:)..hahah...though i kind of got "bullied"by them..:) but they are really frenly:)...so plus xiya...there are supposed to be 6 of us:)..and they are ALREADY giving each of us nick names....and well...they are REALLY amazed by the fact tt i came fr HC..and my Os results( they kind of guessed i'm fr HC..ok las...i have the CHEENA face cans?! hahahah:D)
well...so this is how i got "teased" by them..haha..more of joking las:P:
1) when we had to loiter fr 1 to 4.... they were like asking me..SO WAT are you hobbies? READING n STUDYING arh?( thx~~~~ maybe i'm not slack in HC las...-_-)..when i gave the -_- face..they went...but those 8 pters in our sch always say their hobbies are reading studying n reading textbooks...i even more -_-
2) so wat do you do during free time? STUDY arh? ( again~~~hahaha!)
3) we going to play pool...you come with us las..Eh gotta ask they have have BOARDGAMES or not ...eh later arh..when 2 of us playing arh...the third one play MONOPOLY with you las..( the the other guy said) eh don lidadt las( like quite KE LIAN me...but later he went..) ..snake and ladder better ...~WAH THX LES!!! hahahaha....i was like...you all say somemore i KICK YOUR BUTT! hahaahh!
4) they think my name's too cheem n very hard to memo...so this guy call Daren n his fren started calling me "eh Hwa Chong"thx~~~again...-_-
5) when we were exchanging hp nos right...they wanted to use hwa chong as my nick...THX AGAIN~~den i OBJECT of course~~~~hahaahahha!!! then this guy...Daren's fren...cant rmb his name though he everytime "tease" me hahaha!...n he went..ok las...den you choose lah..either hwa chong..6 pter..or manager( another long story quite diff to explain..)..n i went -_-..hhaahah
but oh wells...today's pretty happening:)...went to lucky plaza watching them play pool~~~WAH SEH! they are qiang las!! esp the sylvester-look-alike Edwin~~i was like speechless...they must be REALLY good in angles n reflection thingy in physics~~~~hhaha...they asked me to try las..i really wan..hahhaah...they surely will puke blood..my ball can jump one...Oops...hahah
the HK "secret society lao da" i mentioned heehee... he's quite ncie to me...maybe ke lian me coz im the only gal mahs~~ hahahaha....but told you his guo yu limited...but we chicken tok with duck for quite long you know~~ hahaha..but couldn't get thru more den 5 sentences...i was like constantly going huh? HUH? huh? HUH? huh?!?!?!??! YOU means this this this arh? huH? no? den? that taht that arh? huh? still not? den?!?!!? hahaahaha....so he's trying VERY hard to say in GUO yu...which doens't sound like GUO yu at ALL...hahah...n i'm very painsteaking trying to figure out...though it's always wrong~~~hahahaha...:Psorry for the lousy grammer...lazy to change...
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
hmmm..going work in 1 hrs' time...atually havn start yet las... the rest. still under renovation..it ll officially be open on WED i heard:)..so i'm actually going for some sort of training..or rather lecture..-_-..well...i shdn't complain coz the ppl there are VERY nice..i mean..ít's a more personal kind of relationship btw those "managers" n us...n YES...it's really some well known beverage rest. in HK...许留山（i think) anyone heard this name Before? supposedly rather famous in HK..wad..established in 1980s..wat 50 over lian suo dians..but they are startin the 1st one in singapore..which is where i'm going to work :)..n they went on n on telling us we are the first batch..so if we performed well, there's a chance for us to rise to become managers blah blah...but Eh...i ll work there permanently les...yes les..hahaha...but tt lady very nice:).. n told us abt HK...tt gals there are practically crazy over sliming down... and those slimming pills are EVERYWHERE...n she's taking too..at the age of near 50..hahha.. but shés going to be with us for only a few mths..she's just here to train us... qutie pro right? i mean just coming here to train waitress n waiters..wad yall think? haha.. but this also means tt once she left...i'm going to face quite a prob communciating with those managers...coz they are ALL fr HK..
ORH!! there's this guy..in charge of kitchen stuff...he looks like some 黑帮老大（or at least those left right hand man..) !!..i can imagine him taking a knife n lead all his 兄弟s n 杀！in 九龙 or 旺角^^lll..hahaaha!( find a chance i secretly take a pic of him n let yall c:P) but well...ren bu ke mao xiang..he turns out to be rather nice too..heehe...though his GUO YU is "private limited" haha... he will just go on n on in CAnto..n i would give him the h-U-H? look...hahahs...
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
她的身体习惯地靠着我的肩膀。
隔着毛线衣，我可以感觉到她的气息，但是我很清楚，这并不代表什么。
我们的鞋底听不到脚步声，只有踩在枯叶时，才发出干燥的声响。
她的眼睛总有一种无处可去的透明感。她时不时没来由地凝视着我，总会让我感到一阵悲哀。
我习惯等她的电话。
昏暗的客厅里空无一人。
我坐在沉默的空间里，凝视着空气中漂浮的灰尘，努力地想看清自己。
每个人都在追逐着某人，我却不知道未来如何，我伸出手去，只摸到一片茫然的空气。。。
她生日那天下雨了。为她买的蛋糕在拥挤的电车上已经像罗马遗迹般崩溃。无论如何，我们还是插了二十根蜡烛，点了火柴，关了灯，毕竟她还是很感激我的。
她开了一瓶红葡萄酒，吃了蛋糕。
“二十岁了，有点好笑。”她说，趴在桌子上，轻轻地摇晃着，偶尔玻璃杯里会有冰块撞动杯壁的声音，两眼盯着前面细细长长的玻璃杯，仿佛那杯红葡萄酒的存在对她的一生，有着重要的影响似的。玻璃杯旁的烟灰缸里，还有无数个白色的烟蒂。
我按下唱机的电源，从抽屉里找出一支香烟，点上火，慢慢抽了一口。数十年前流行的爵士钢琴声便从扩音器里流泻出来。
天花板。扩音器。电唱机。以及录音带。
我的视线散漫地游荡着。
就这样，我们沉默地对坐着。
“太晚了，我该走了。”
“再联络吧。”
我准备起身。
她茫然地凝视我。
她的眼眶溢一出了眼泪，不到一秒钟便滚下脸颊，掉落在红葡萄酒里，融合了。
泪水一决堤，就无法停止。
我手足无措，伸出手，轻触她的肩。
她的身体微弱地颤抖，我几乎直觉地抱紧她。
她靠着我，无助地哭泣，呼出的热气合着眼泪濡湿了我的衣服。
她的手仿佛在寻找什么似的，在我的背上彷徨地摸索。
她的眼泪的冷，透过我每一寸肌肤。
我叹了口气。除了轻轻地抚她的头发，等待她停止哭泣，听着她感情的崩溃，我什么也做不了，简直就是一个四肢健全的废人。
她过度哭泣，累了，睡着了。脸上的淡妆显得苍白无力。
我把她扶到了床上。
衣服的胸口还湿冷着，仍可以闻到她的洗发水味道。
我看了看熟睡的她，从衣架上拿了大衣。她并不属于我。她是一块浮游的冰块，朝一个我一无所知的黑暗海水缓缓地前进。当我一瞬间有一种抓到她的幻觉时，她又飘远了。我假装不知道也骗不了自己，只有自嘲式地苦笑。 这种感觉就像风一样，没有轮廓，没有重量。我带不走。又不能把它结束，甚至无法将它收藏起来。
地板上散布着唱片。桌上剩下一半崩溃的蛋糕。
我走出房间，悄悄地关上了门。
Sunday, December 12, 2004
《20 30 40》
走过一岁是件很容易的事。。但是不知道为什么。。心中有点心痛。。仿佛失去了最珍贵的东西。。昏黄的灯光照在冰冷的手上。。想起童年,不知所云的生活。。每天可以因为多吃了一些零食而兴奋。。过的好快。。没什么值得留恋的。。没有记忆。。昨天。。我好像还曾在小学校的水池旁用石头丢鱼。。今天看见那样的孩子。。我会笑。。笑过之后的苦涩,很难懂。。生活改变着我。。不愿意看见自己的改变。。不愿意发觉自己的改变。。转眼20年。。我过的好慢。。每天重复着生活。。前边是什么? 脚下是什么? 懂事时会认为大人好。。长大后不知道什么是好。。也许这也是简单的轮回。。失去了判断的能力。。思想在纠缠。。讨厌看见初升的太阳。。不愿意看见新生的婴孩。。眼前似乎只有墙壁。。不可依靠,不会倾倒。。
你说该去把我的玫瑰看好了。。免得阳光把它偷吃掉。。我不明白。。你却神秘的对我说。。有些事我不用知道。。只有在我习惯了黑暗后。。我才能习惯光明。。你转身就走。。以至于我的下一个问题还未出口。。就把黑暗留给了我 。。
Thursday, December 02, 2004
I'm exceptionally artistic! Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Miles Away
by Carol Ann Duffy
I want you and you are not here. I pause in
this garden, breathing the colour thought is
before language into still air. Even your name
is a pale ghost and, though I exhale it again
and again, it will not stay with me. Tonight
I make you up, imagine you, your movements clearer
than the words I have you say you said before.
Wherever you are now, inside my head you fix me
with a look, standing here whilst cool late light
dissolves into the earth. I have got your mouth wrong,
but still it smiles. I hold you closer, miles away,
inventing love, until the calls of nightjars
interrupt and turn what was to come, was certain,into memory.
The stars are filming us for no one.
Warming Her Pearls
Next to my own skin, her pearls.
My mistress bids me wear them, warm them, until evening
when I'll brush her hair. At six, I place them
round her cool, white throat. All day I think of her,
resting in the Yellow room, contemplating silk
or taffeta, which gown tonight? She fans herself
whilst I work willingly, my slow heat entering
each pearl. Slack on my neck, her rope.
She's beautiful. I dream about her
in my attic bed; picture her dancing
with tall men, puzzled by my faint persistent scent
beneath her French perfume, her milky stones.
I dust her shoulders with a rabbit's foot,
watch the soft blush seep through her skin
like an indolent sigh. In her looking-glass
my red lips part as though I want to speak.
Full moon. Her carriage brings her home. I see
her every movement in my head ... Undressing,
taking off her jewels, her slim hand reaching
for the case, slipping naked into bed, the wayshe always does ...
And I lie here awake,
knowing the pearls are cooling even now
in the room where my mistress sleeps.
All night I feel their absence and I burn.
Carol Ann Duffy
oh my goodness! i'm hopelessly in love!! with CAROL ANN DUFFY!!!! miles away is AWESOME!! i really had a moment of epiphany when i read this english poem. warming her pearls is nice too...ok...at least it's one tt's MY cup of tea..haha..maybe not for others~~~:P...but oh manZ...these 2 are HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!! 第一次深刻的体会到。。文学是不分语言的。。:)
Thursday, November 25, 2004
理想的人生就是读一个好专业，看看什么专业日后会很热门。。以后出来好找工作。。能找个奖学金最好。。找一个铁饭碗（最好在政府部门），以后的路要好好打算，要有目标。。对对。。你就是没有目标。。这样很可悲的。。什么？你不想在政府部门工作？不想被绑死？我知道你有远大的理想。。年轻人都是这样的。。可是这是现实。。不能把现实太理想化。。什么？没有理想？不要跟我赌气。。赌气也没用。。你没有赌气？这么说还叫没有赌气？唉。。女人比较幸运。。有两条路走。。可以找一个好依靠。。或者靠自己的努力。。显然以你的性格是不会靠男人的。。所以只得努力。。你看你！没讲两句你就不想听了。。
烦死了！不要再说了好不好！为什么你们老是喜欢对我说我极度厌恶的话？这是美好的人生？哈哈！他妈的什么人生？为什么我说没有目标，没有理想就一定在赌气？如果有人的一辈子不只是要赚钱，不是要一份麻木，普通朝九晚五的日子直到石化，不只是要挣社会地位。。那最求这种人生又有什么用？为什么每一人一定就是要过同样的生活才是正确的才是理想的？是哪一个白痴说的？哪一个？作个“弱势族群”族群有什么不好？那才叫轻松！重点是他真的不羡慕强势者的天地，谁有资格去批评他快活？我知道你说的人生。。但是环境虽不能变，价值观确是可以多样的。最可怕的是强势的一元文化的价值观，就像东方世界，好像脱离了社会的主流，好像不拼命赚钱，不找一份安稳的工作就注定是天地间的弱者，是社会的渣滓。。不是这样的，还有什么事，比尽其量地追求自己喜欢的生活更重要呢？为什么颓废就不能是一种能追求的生活呢？这个社会一切向“统一”看，向钱看，向更规范骄傲地努力着，人压抑成了钱奴，成了一滴滴随着河水永无止境一起向同一个方向流动的水珠，所以才会有这样的逆向思维的出现。我颓废？这颓废正好调和了社会中的所有的水珠，所有的拜金狂潮！两者都是极端，我说不出那种比较颓废! 难道安于社会规范。。就不颓废？他们比我颓废好不好！至少我知道我不想被规范。。他们知道吗？
其实。。你说你在指点我。。我知道。。你想让我过你无法达到的人生不是吗？我知道你是为我好。。也许我以后真的也会走那条路。。但是那也是因为我想要那么做。。而不是寻求统一。。说实在。。我会如此厌恶是因为你那种热衷追求“统一化”却不自觉的可悲。。。。
对不起。。我真的不是一个好孩子。。。
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
从新在欣赏了一次2046。。王家卫真的没话说。。好寂寞，好孤独，太无奈的一篇作品。。看得真得很心酸。。124，125其实是圣诞节。。难怪木村会特别的需要温暖。。难怪当列车经过124 125时会特别的冷。。不是很讽刺吗？唉。。太多太多的想法。。真的不知道该从何说起。。我不能肯定地说我完全看懂了。。但是因该看懂了一半了罢。。唉。。受不了梁朝伟~~他对我的魅力实在是太大了。。除了他。。还有谁能把角色演绎得那么棒！如果能嫁给他真的是太幸福了~~~真羡慕刘嘉玲。。。。说到刘嘉玲。。可以有哪一位好心人告诉我wat's the significance of Lulu?..as in her second appearance..她不是死了吗？为什么又出现？在2046火车里，wat's her significance? 为什么她要对王菲说“树”的事？他为什么会哭？然后又强颜欢笑走了？看了第2次。。还是一头雾水。。
太好了！终于借到《伤心咖啡店之歌》了！！mel oso intro Jostein Gaarde's --The Solitaire Mystery( the one who wrote Sophie's world)..i trust her taste:)..and and and...she's going to lend MORE books to me! goodness! the tot of it just makes me beam with happiness:)...hao xin fu wor! haha..ok..i'm just dying to catch up with wat i've conveniently lagged behind for the past SO many years..at least i think i should try to get in touch with eng lit AGAIN..haha.. god knows what i've been doing for the lower sec lit classes...which made me totally uninterested in E lit...my knowledge's like helll limited...ok...i can merely vaguely recall reading Animal farm, To Kill a Mocking Bird..Scarlet Ibis..The Importance of Being Ernest..and some Nigeria related lit books( which i nearly detested reading.. n tt statement still stands..)..but purely for exams.. haha.. it just seems to me tt E Lit is nothing but crapping your way thru..(oops. mel)haha..but hey! now it's different.. at least i appreciate lit nowZ..:).so shd read more n more n MORE...yeah..oh~i'm currently planning to read some Russian lit..u know..Russians are great writers~~:)*wink*
Friday, November 19, 2004
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
其实我什么也不想写。。也没有什么好写的。。我现在的生活就像1/3转换成小数点，永无止境地重复重复重复重复着。有规律得可笑，让我有那么一点点点点敬佩自己。可是又怎样呢？我努力地配合着现实。。换来的又是什么呢？语特考得乱七八糟，我竟然。。。竟然。。。没有太大的感觉。。也不能这么说。。到底还是哭了，哭得很惨呢~ 可是又怎样？是为了付之东流的努力落泪？还是。。为了某种不知名的--？不知道。。只知道它有一种储存液体的特质--冷，稠密。。每一滴，像剃刀一样，割裂了肌肤，但我感觉不是痛，只是冷。。。。唉。。在这样下去我可能会死掉。。活在这个世界上的6883天里。。有多少是为自己而活？哈哈？！人生最可悲的是自以为跳出现境。。可是却发现。。从未踏出一步。。
Friday, October 08, 2004
曾经有人对我说：“你没事吧。。怎么总是一幅若有所思的样子？难道有什么不开心的事吗？”下了我一跳。因为我完全不记得在上课时思索过什么心事或烦恼。唯一能解释的就是我在自我隔离地“出神”吧（也就是所谓的stone) 。天生的。妈也说过，从小我就喜欢莫名其妙地“出神”。在椅子上发几个小时的呆是家常便饭。有时还会自言自语（从我妈的角度来看：只喜欢对自己说话的自恋狂:p)。以前觉得有点荒谬，可是我最近发现我经常会陷入“出神”状态。若是和别人在一起就不会出现这种状况。但只要一个人独处(不管是精神上还是形体上)，意识就会有好一段时间陷入完完全全的空白状态。是一种奇怪的真空。特别严重的是在读书时，会突然发现自己毫无意识第一直盯着没有意义的东西。突然回过神来还会“咦，我干吗一只盯着这东西看？”。再看看时钟，30分钟已经过去了-_-。但是在看着的时候，我是完全没有意识的。哈哈。在浴室时也是。觉得似乎有什么不对劲的时候，才发现自己在牙刷上到了洗发精。。哈哈。。有时真担心这是老年痴呆症的前奏，如果随着年龄的增长一直这样下去的话。。T_T
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
街道还是平常的街道。任由人已丧失大部分原始意义的声音混合而成的嘈杂声，以及不知从何处传来的那断断续续的流行歌曲，把我的思绪搅得乱七八糟，七零八碎。还有那不断反复明灭变幻却不知疲倦的红绿灯和汽车路过所残留下来的汽油味。总是有一种疑惑，这些嘈杂，光线，味道好像不全然是出于现实中的。有一小部分或许不过是昨天，前天还是几个星期前所传来的遥远回音罢了。人流。我完全置身事外地去他们擦身而过。这是我第一次注意到他们的存在。也许是想在人流中寻找些什么吧。我不知道。只知道再过七八十年，这些人，当然包括我在内，一定会全部从地球上消失。走上必然的规律。那条必经之路。其实。。你曾经说过。。死并不是生的对立。它是生的一部分。不管我接不接受，一切事物最后都会失去，而且好笑的是都有因该不断失去的理由。我到底在做什么？想寻回些什么？不知道。突然了解到。。关于失去的什么，我们所能确定的并不是失去的时刻，而去我们发觉到失去了的时刻。很多东西或许早在我们发现到失去的时候其实已经失去了。。不是吗。。都会失去。。到了最后，人都会让自己逐渐被同化。即使是在鲜明的梦，最后都会背吞入不鲜明的现实而逐渐消失。或许有一天，我甚至会连有这样的梦存在都想不起了。不管现在把它藏在多隐秘的地方。。都逃不过将来现实的眼睛。。那时的我或许连反抗的力量也没有。。因为我根本不会意识到侵略者的介入。。这算是可悲。。还是只不过是地球绕着太阳旋转，月亮绕着地球旋转这种类型的定律？
唉。。还是不要想太多了。。
对了。。这次blog并不是要说这些莫名其妙的话。。只是单纯地想对anchyi和mel bao bei 说声：生日快乐！！:) 记得要对妈说声谢谢~:)
结果却写了一大堆无关紧要的文字。。
Friday, October 01, 2004
窗外飞进一只宝蓝色的蝴蝶。它的半张翅膀支离破碎，上面还牵绊着蛛丝网上逃脱的痕迹。我心疼地捧着蝴蝶，撕除了翅膀上的蛛丝。迎着灼目的探照灯，我陷入一片蓝色光芒中。在那样残破而又炫幻魔丽的粉翳上，那样脆弱的结构中，却能展现出那样绝美的图案。光从正面射下去。光从逆向刺过来。不到一公分的蝶翅上，收纳了光谱也不能承载的喧哗。心说，留下它吧，保护它吧。但是那双破碎的翅膀却坚强地拍着。微弱而坚强地拍着。对那窗外的世界充满着向往。竟管他几乎要了它的命。我。明白了。拿在手中的玻璃瓶不知何时被孤零零地遗弃在书桌的一角。看来，它一直以来真诚祈祷有同伴的愿望要落空了。宝蓝色蝴蝶。歪歪斜斜地坠落在窗前。 接近窗栏时，它滑翔而起。飞走了。
Sunday, September 26, 2004
“饱食终日不是我们的错，至少我不这么想，生在这种逸乐的时代也不是我们的错，也去您不同意，但是要过这种生活不只辛苦也要忍耐。”
穆教授：你嫌日子过得太安详了？
阿芳：不是，安详很好，只是我不想美化这种安详。我们就是活得够好了，所以代价也够大。既 然您要谈艺术，您一定知道，文艺复兴就是发生在最贫乏的时代里，浪漫主义发生在最动乱的时代里，数百年安详的瑞士产生了什么？巧克力和咕咕钟。
穆教授：所以说，你不满意你的颓废时代了？
阿芳：我只是奇怪，不管你是那一代，上一辈的人都称你是颓废的一代，而且不管我们发出什么声音，都要被指控成无病呻吟。我觉得我们活在一个没法使力的时代里，过得世丰美又单一的生活，大家的经验都一样，满腹理想但是没有时间，满怀叛逆但是缺乏战场。只是请穆先生您知道，这并不好过，光会批评我们颓废，不只是矮化，也是钝化。
穆教授：这就是了，典型的不知足，不过还挺有点骨气。
阿芳：我是不知足，我只知道，这个世界之所以进步，是因为还有那些不愿意知足的人。
穆教授：小女生，看你那么年轻，妈的刚毕业吧？妈的学校就教会你伶牙俐齿吗？还教了你什么？
阿芳：学校里教些什么您都清楚，您为什么不问我，为什么我被教会了国文数学英文地理，却还是被教得不会表达感情，不会处理愤怒，不会跟别人合作，不会唱歌，不知道什么才叫做幸福，还有妈的不会画图？
---《燕子》
这几天读着《燕子》，可以说，它教会了我很多，也让我把自己，人生，世界看得更清楚。这就是所谓的旁观者清吧。跳出当局者迷的世界，对着一个与自己毫无关系的人物才能客观地看待他的一切。也就是因为这样，才会渐渐惊觉，其实满纸都是自己赖也赖不掉，也从来不曾正面看清的身影。
Saturday, September 25, 2004
“从前有一个人。不要管他那一国人。这个人喜欢爬山，越是没有人能爬上的山，他越是要爬，你了解吗？他只喜欢往上爬。在非常年轻的时候，他就爬遍了国境之内最高的山头，所以年轻人就远离他乡，一路问人，更高的山在哪里？终于给他问到了一座山，山在最高的山脉之上，一年四季都封在雪里，从来没有人爬过顶端。年轻人就爬上去了，他的运气真好，在最热的那一年，最热的那一天，最热的正午，他攀到最巅峰，发现那里有一片湛蓝色的潭水，原本因该是个冰潭， 一千年来只有那一天化成了水，年轻人从水面望进去，他看见了自己。
年轻人下了山，从此觉得没有一件事有意思。 他变成了一个普通的人。你明白吗？普通的人。他度过了一个普通人该有的，五味杂陈的一生。最后他老了，老人知道自己该死了，所以像着了魔一样，他想要在爬上一次，最高的那座。 因为够坚决，他竟然真怕上去了。他来到了那座山，听见呼啸的风声了吗？冰雪的顶峰，冷得像是地狱，只有暴风和雪，满地的雪，亮得睁不开眼睛，他的眼睛，刺痛了。累了。累了，所以匍匐着爬向前，冰像剃刀一样，割裂了手肘，但他感觉不是痛，是冷，手指冻得握成了拳头了吧？这一幕是不是像一辈子一样长？凭记忆终于爬到了冰潭的旁边。他非常激动，但是又突然不敢，不敢向冰潭看进去，所以他用手指摸索。那么硬。那么滑。那么冰。手指已经黏结在潭面上，再也抽不回来了。他探头进去。那么美丽。那么叫人后悔，不是吗？冰潭上冻结的那张脸，四十年前倒映进去的，他的年轻。。。”
--《燕子》的一则小故事
在思维还在天昏地暗地消化最后那句惊心动魄的话时，心已经敏锐而又敏感地，完全不体贴思维地，传来一阵急速萎缩后的心酸和空洞的恐惧。对于未知的心酸和恐惧。心，将血化成泪。一滴一滴地落在了字里行间。血泪模糊。
我好像听到它说：“对了，看着自己，不要等日后再去追忆，当下就用你的感情和生命看进去，这就是感觉。。。你是一个处女。”
今天到此为止，我无法再看下去了。我合了书。也合了眼。对了，还有那泪水。我内疚地把它擦干了。
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
一口气任性地买下了Paulo Choelho 的The Alchemist，村上春树的《萤火虫》，《苏格汉斯岛的午后》（还好及时为荷包贴上大头贴），又顺道跑到图书馆抱了他的《电视人》，《面包店在袭击》，《人造卫星情人》和朱少麟的《燕子》，下定决心要在一周内读完。会不会有点太奢侈了？管它的。。我有一个预感，这时候的我一碰触就要全粉碎了，灰飞烟灭。。至少在我再一次向现实屈服时，想暂时在时光的抽屉里寻回自己。即使就那么一瞬间。
来到一家安静，明亮，客人少，座椅舒适的咖啡座，喝着ice mocha细细地品尝一小块精致的cheese cake，看着书。说起来，这实在是件非常奢侈又令人心情愉快地享受。:)
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Monday, September 06, 2004
Saturday, September 04, 2004
昨天，我见到了撒旦。他躲在自己暗淡的房里，哭得好伤心，对着床上那多渐渐转黑，呻吟的玫瑰，毫不掩饰自己的脆弱。一室放荡形骸的，野兽的气味荡然无存。
我依着柱子，抽了一口烟，徐徐喷出白雾，再缓缓地享受着一圈圈妩媚的烟丝在耳际放肆地暧昧。“真没出息”。我掩饰自己嘲讽的表情，摇晃着杯中晶莹透明的红酒，微微地抬眼，走到撒旦面前，递给他。试图用最温柔的声线打动他。“园子里的玫瑰多的是，那一只不盼着得到你的宠爱？何必在乎这只半红不墨的？”。
他呆呆地盯着玫瑰。一动也不动。
我只好轻轻地挽着他的手臂，冲着他诱惑地笑了笑。“走吧，到院子里瞧瞧。”
他蛮横地一把甩开了我，比上帝还温柔地把玫瑰捧在掌心。
“咳。。咳。。”玫瑰微弱地咳嗽，颤抖着干枯的身体，落下了一片黑色的花瓣。 我想，它受不了烟味吧。我故意狠狠地再抽了一口烟。
“灭掉它。”撒旦拍了拍背后唯一的恶魔翅膀，以权威的口吻命令。我冷笑了一声，狠狠地不留痕迹地搜了玫瑰一眼，把烟偷渡到了身后。
撒旦把玫瑰捧到水晶灯层层叠叠的柔光之下。操控一切邪恶的房间亮起来。第一次。
“它不属于地狱。”撒旦自言自语，好现在回忆，又或许在向我解释。
我耸了耸肩。“so?"
撒旦撕开了右背的封印。破衣而出的，竟是一只天使的翅膀。
我愕然。
他抖了抖那不太灵活，不属于地狱的家伙。白色羽毛落在了我的肩上，也落在了玫瑰的身旁。
“在我被上帝打入地狱的路上，我在边界看到了她。她一直偷偷地跟在我身后。”撒旦说了这一辈子最长的一句话。
我听着。
玫瑰又抖抖地咳了几声，弱的几乎听不见。
“我叫他回去。”他好像意识到自己的失态。
“她却央求我把她带到地狱。”
我不可思议地瞄了瞄玫瑰。想去地狱的玫瑰？荒谬地让人无法理解。
“我当时也很诧异。”撒旦发现我的异样表情。
“她说，请把我带在身边吧。从天堂带一样东西去地狱，让我守护您。”撒旦不习惯地狱藐视为煽情的语言，说得有点生硬 。
“。。。所以，它是地狱里唯一。。一只红色的玫瑰。”他静静地说。我发现他在微微地颤抖。
我的心不听使唤地抽了一下。有一点刺痛的感觉。
玫瑰零落的花瓣又有一只变黑了。
撒旦又哭了。
泪，不经意地滴在了玫瑰花瓣上。
花瓣
竟然
变
红了。
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
today's lucky day~:)
guess wat..i managed to pass my dong ye 13/20! i was expecting a single digit!!! goodness..wad happened..me n kan both passed miraculously..n haha..got a pretty decent grade for xiao xiao too~~^^V..quite pleased..coz i sacrificed my history mock prelim for xiao shuo test leh...:P..
yes...another more startling news..anchyi told me i got into hua chu wen xue jiang~~!! haha..not exactly very excited or wat..coz it's again rather unexpected..oh pls...just look at the chao qiang de zhen rong this yr lah...got terrifying juniors like zhang xiao yi n cheng qing hua lol...(n maybe yiming oso:P)..haha...n the crouching tiger hidden dragons j2s like weibiao anchyi kan n malai...haha..maybe not high hand like cloud:P...like really got much chance...but i think i'm super lucky~:)...
n yesssssssssss....i need to declare something!!haha....bet with weibiao...anyone whose combined scores for MATHS n ECONS lost to the other ll treat the other person to K-ster!...walao...really must maths n econs..the subjects tt i've yet to start my preparation..only started econs loh!!!...he scheme....say he has a higher chance of winning with maths included....thx...but i think true oso~~~T_T...die must pia now!!!!...but den again..think weibiao better save up now~~~:D..haha...somemore...oso involved in another bet...if anyone of us( weibiao justin anchyi n me) scored the LOWEST for GP has to treat THE REST to thai noodle house!!! waliew~~~~~~~~~~ don wan to pia oso cannot now!!
Sunday, August 22, 2004
ok. i realized tt i'm not updating. but seriously..is there anything to update nowadays? bleahZ.. but oh wells this wk's rather memorable..haha...coz it's my FIRST time sing karaoke~~~..ok yall know lah...i always pon those ktv class outings coz i think it's a waste of time n $$ for me...considering the ultra limited no of chi songs i know n can actually sing..haha..i mean..no matter wat i ll lugi wat~~~haha...okies...but i promised xiya to brush up my knowledge of chi songs b4 stepping into KBOX..haha..but apparently breaking my promise..so how did i ever end up at lucky chinatown singing?:D..it all traced back to the dinner with weibiao anchyi n lao he:D at yong chai..haha..the dinner was good..i've never makan dere before lah...haha.. had a pleasant n funny n gossipy tok over the dinner~~~~原来weibiao也想去北大:)..buddy!!haha..mel n kan oso want to go there..yeah! we were thinking tt would be so fun if we can go together..n we can form some club or shi1 she4..tt would be so cool~~but weibiao complained tt he would be stuck with kan:D:D..haha..kidding..but DEN we realized..maybe the guys don need to go NS..haiZ..i mean..if weibiao can get psc scholarship den everything's settled..but kan would NV wan to get gov related scholarships one lahZ..meaning..assuming all of us can go..2 of 1 of them ll be our juniors:P..haha..found tt lao he's actually a nice person..not tt i tot he's not nice but din really noe him tt well initially~hEEZ..ok..as u can see..i've digressed..haha..ok..so suddenly WEIBIAO got super high n energetic..n suggested to..quote fr him "kuang2 huan1" coz it's fri niteZ..haha..aiyah..somemore just after the sucky teahouse test...+ we are not a gang of urm..fanatic n pedandic muggers mah....就跟着感觉走los^^...haha..we even called JUN YI :D.. to join us..so tt he can relieve our budget deficit~~haha...no lah~~~^kidding..but well..his 父爱的伟大~~~plus the need to ascort some principle ard singapore more impt den us lah~~~haha...oh well..toking abt tiger...他这个星期会请客 wor!! haha..coz he was awarded consolation prize of some youth(he's still a youth meh?:P) poem writting competition~~~..hiak hiak hiak...MUST CRASH~~~..:D:D..ok..i hereby conclude it's mission impossible for me to focus:P..heehee..so we went ktv...quite an eyeopener..haha...though a lot of songs seemed nv heard of..haha..but weibiao they all nice ppl lah..choose as many songs tt i noe to sing..haha..but usually i only know the chorus part..so everytime grabbed the mic fr them~~~^^..den..amazing factof the day: weibiao can sing pretty well!!..haha..oops..:P..he noes a lot of songs loh..ok..tt's in comparison with me..so not credible~~:P..but you must listen to his ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING~~~haha!! he can really sing in a 京剧 style~~~haha..amazed sia~~~...n yah..along the way we sang some funny songs..like weibiao's ye lai xiang -_-lll..haha..but before he could sing..he gave up...partly coz no time left but i think partly oso coz i was niaoing him~~~:P:P..haha..n songs like You are Wind I'm Sand..haha!!!! n i sang tt!! together with lao he~~~hahah!!!!!...coz lao he like tt song mah~~~...n anchyi~~~..think she enjoyed herself too~~haha..her singing arh-_-lll..~HAHAHAAHHA...:P...just kidding~~~...but it's SO FUN~~~...we sang until 12 30 los..meaning din manage to catch my fen3 hong2 nv lang..gosh..n we were thinking of extending the time...but sadly anchyi cannot..her parents lah...haiZ..she nearly ended up needing to slpover at my house los~~~..ok..so tt marks the end of fri when i reached home only at 1 40 am...
sat was a great day too!! went for 龙应台讲座--传统在等待发现. 好欣赏她！ learnt a lot of things..n sets my mind working again..it has been so very stagnant these days..:(..she nv disappoints me :)...really love her works..受益匪浅wor!^^..think kan weibiao justin ziqian n henghui all shd go los~~~..think they ll love it~~~:)...anchyi n xiya oso thinks her talk's worth the time~~..to think they din even know who is she/he...haha:P..
n then te ge yao~~~...haha~~ think it's better den last yr~~~though more ppl turned up last yr..credits to JJ lahZ...but this yr seriously...standard higher..^^.. not too many songs..n well..tay bing hui not bad siaZ..he can sing leh!!!haha..his voice pretty cool~~~..n diya~~yah yah..as usually...managed to grab all the audience's attention..diya wat. zwxh chu lai de ren lehZ..wat do you expect?!?! heeZ^^V...cheryl's singing is as good...the poison apple was the da ying jia~~~...lyrics written by malai..haha..pls lors..he won the 最佳作词奖like super NOT expected lehZ~~~heehee..:D:D...but true lah..as wat yuehan said..the whole qi fen dropped after the judges left..feel quite sorry for tay bing hui.. i mean..he actually took the trouble to come down..though i'm not his fan but i cheered~~basic respect for guests wat...haiZ..really is not 有一点冷场。hope he din mind...:s...
as usual..yuehan n his 小儿多动症。。(-__-lll)haha..he just cant keep still!!!haha...:)..yuehan..xiya thinks u are just super amazing los~~~haha...不要太担心:)..the juniors are oso learning..;)..hope u like the present we gave you~..
haha..realized i've written a lot of 流水账s...
Sunday, August 15, 2004
arg. wat happened to Khorkina?!?! she is SUPER underperformed today lah!...seeing her landing flat onto the mat..my heart nearly stopped at tt split sec los..T_T.. n coz of tt fatal error...think she din manage to get into the individual finals for tt~~~~booohooooo~~~.... this reminds me of she falling off twice fr the uneven bars in the sydney Olympics~~~...arg...y is she so suey? i mean... her 1st vault was like how good lah...9.5+ leh...but it's averaged to 9.1+ all thanks to the splendid landing....T_T...den coz of tt landing(again..) she hurt her knee~..walao..n maybe tt's not the 1st event of the 4 rotations leh...feel so sad for her!!! last time she din managed to clinch the medals that OBVIOUSLY SHD BE HERS..i was like..full of duiness...n continue duiness....to make things worse..saw the romania team an hr ago...there's this gal..call wat...rico? i dono..but super steady n zai...rly is not got 9.7+ for her even bars...unprecedented by any of the previous individuals..although i bu gan yuan..but she's really steady..T_T..darn...big time challenger leh...how how how?!?! *worry*worry*...
orh anyway...michael phelps is really cool~~~ haha...think he's going to break more WR los....haha...got hao xi kan le....USA vs AUS~~~haha....die die also must watch tt one!!!^^V..
Saturday, August 07, 2004
the world is indeed small..or rather..singapore is indeed puny~..once there's a holiday..the whole singapore ll be out in ORCHARD~~haha..saw SO many ppl at orchard yesterday lah~...well..i BFX by my class for PONing sch~:P..really is not bumped into them 5 mins after i arrived at orchard~~haha..hey~must clarify tt i REALLy din mean to pon!! ok..u guys might not believe given my wonderful records~haha..but i really overslept! n my mom din bother to wake me up! thx loh..i really intended to go for national celebration!! the last national celebration in a sch!!..but oh wells.haha..too bad lah~:p.. OH! i watched THE RETURN( finally)..it's a good show..seriously..(to think i was prepared to doze off 1/2 way:P) 10 STARS!! but well..xiya..abt ur inferences abt the last supper thingy rite..the daddy actually tore apart a chicken leh..tot he's suppose to break a bread( in last supper?).. n abt the slping position..my fren say it din manage to remind her abt any sleeping positions of CHRIST... OH! there's this photo at the end rite..it's like this person( maybe one of the sons..coz don think the dad ll take photos..oso don think the boys ll take photos for him..:P) in the lake..stretching his arms up..look damn like jesus rising out of water!..but if it's not the dad rite..den no significance wat..but tt photo was really obvious! i mean..even non-christians like me can figure out...oh well...it's still a very cheem show i would say..lots to discuss..just felt tt the director din made things VERY obvious..i mean..he ll just yi4 bi3 dai4 guo4..seems like if you cant catch the hint..den too bad den..haha..but still..sometimes the shots stop at a particular image....for quite long..n i think the director is trying to say something..but arg..i cant figure out~bleahZ..OH..n it din drove me to slp.:D..heard some SA ppl complaining how boring the show was..so at least..shd i feel happy tt at least i felt differently? haha..
anyway..meet so many ppl yesterday..n i have to conclude tt HC ppl like to crowd ard in CINE...haha...saw so many ppl here..as in some i dono personally...but all those AA n PROMINENT ppl..haha..even met jingyi..the one in vj..n some ppl who came to our drama camp last yr(some more in my grp)..n met yukun too~~haha..n it's so qiao tt he just bumped into ziqian n xiya they all minutes before he saw me~~haha..it's a small world~:P..(just to note tt the gal with him is really pretty~:).. but too bad..they are not together..haha..)...aiyah...just met tonns n tonns of ppl yesterday..i bet the whole HC population was down in orchard tt area los...haha..
oh goodness! wat has happened to my blog~~~?!?!?!.. where's my winter tree?!?! really must hack me lah...sianZ...somemore of all colours..this blardie person used pink!!(-_-lll)..haiZ..suan le lah...it's ok...or rather there's nothing much i can do..given my IT skills~:P..Oops...hahah...mei2 you3 gong1 de2 xing1 de ren...bleahZ...
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
对！就是那只漆黑的猫。
远离它，远离那只充满了诱惑和诡异的猫。
一团黑影霍地从腿边蹿了过去，就那么一瞬间。还没等舞惊呼，那黑东西已在几步处立住，回首看着她。是一只黑猫，黑得与夜溶为一体。她所能见到的，只是猫的眼睛，在惨白的月色下发出莹莹的绿光。
舞喜欢站在高楼上，往下扔瓶子。不必太高的楼，四层，就够了。瓶子落地很快，但她仍然能清楚地看到它落地的曲线。摔在地上，发出一声很清脆的声音，连无期徒刑的选择都没有，碎了。那些破碎的瓶渣像尸体，在跟历史一样不眠的路灯下变得不再属于这空间的宁静，让她有一种奇特的快感。
“有一天我也会象这样掉下去！”舞对风笑道。
风近来很忧郁。和他在一起一年多了，舞摔瓶子的习惯已有三个月了。这种发泄方式，是风提议的，而近来好象摔得更频繁了些。这令风感到担心，他怕舞真的哪天会把自已象摔瓶子那样摔下去。殉葬。
说实在地，舞觉得风真得很好。长得平凡，可是舞就是喜欢他。
其实舞想，她是不会从高楼上跳下去的，她担心就是跳下去了也不见得听得到她骨头碎裂的声音。况且，象她这样爱美的人是不会让自已死得那样难看的。
舞说她还想扔两个瓶子再回家。于是风下了天台去买汽水。
天台的风很大，舞穿着白色长裙，颈上一根长长的白丝巾往后搭着，这条丝巾是风送的。丝巾的两端各绣着一只展翅的蝴蝶。这两只蝴蝶一般是看不见的，特别是丝巾飘起来的时侯，因为它们也是白色的。舞想她一定很美丽。美得令她想起舞，在印象派的安眠曲下。天使？谁说一身白色就是天使？她倒想做一个美丽而充满了颓废气息的诱人的吸血鬼。
舞爬在天台高高窄窄的护墙上，往地面上看时，有点晕，风吹时，身子有点晃。
霍地，她看见有只黑猫在楼边坐着，头偏侧着望向她。舞突然意识到这就是那天晚上吓到她的那只黑猫。此时它坐在那边，一幅很美丽很温顺还带着点俏皮的样子望着舞。舞觉得它在不安分地挑逗着她。她很想去摸摸它。是的，摸摸它。走过去。
* * * * *
“舞……”风在后面轻轻地叫着。
“快下来，舞……”风的声音格外温柔。
她回头去看风，风正慢慢地朝她走来。
“瓶子呢？”舞见他两手空空。
“在那儿。”他嘴里说着，表情很是凝重地走向舞。
舞发现风的表情有点怪。想不出是哪儿怪的怪。舞只好把手伸向风：“给我瓶子。”
风一把抓住舞的手，拦腰把舞拥入怀里，把她抱离了那个高高窄窄的护墙。
“舞，你疯了吗？”风抱住她不肯放手，非常非常紧。紧得有点痛。
舞这才意识到刚才有点象在自杀。可是她真的没有想到要自杀。至少现在没有。
她只是在看一只猫。一只黑猫。
“哪有什么猫。”
舞手指向楼下。很奇怪，那只黑猫不见了。跑了吧。
风吻着舞，眼睛红红的。
“以后不许爬墙……不，还有，以后不许摔瓶子了……还有，不要离开我半步……还有……”
舞冲着风傻傻地笑了。风却哭了。
一个着白衣的女子怀抱着那只黑猫，偏着头向婷笑。她的眼睛，在一笑间充满了妩媚，温柔，却还隐隐藏着一点邪恶。舞不明白，人的眼睛怎么会是这样的。象猫。象极了她怀里那只黑猫的眼睛。她的大眼睛冲舞眨了一眨，很温柔地说：“你活不过元旦。”然后便从舞身边飘然而逝。
舞骇然。
* * * * *
“当然，我只是跟你玩玩。”
“为什么？”
“不为什么，只是因为我寂寞，只是因为我想找个情人，尝尝堕落的滋味，只是因为你有钱又浪漫比较适合做情人。”
杰瞠目结舌。
“你是一只猫！”
于是舞想到了那只黑猫，还有那个怀抱黑猫的女人。
“有个女人说我活不过元旦。”舞轻轻笑道。
“那真好，你活着专门害人。”杰恨恨地说。
舞咯咯地对杰嫣然一笑。对于杰，她需要的只是堕落，她不需要感情。
* * * * *
风站在高楼上默然地看着舞。杰的事，他六个月前就知道了。
“分手吧…”舞一直觉得对不起风，或者说，她根本连自己都无法了解。分手对风来说，也许更好――她配不上风。
风什么也没说，只要舞快乐，风宁愿选择离开。默默地离开。
那只黑猫，不知什么时候出现，跟在了风的背后。
舞独自站在天台上，右眼落下了自己也不知道为何会涌现的泪。泪掉落在掌心。化开。 蒸发成寞落。她蜷在天台一角，安静地看着前面霓虹招牌，一整条街上像堕落和衰亡般绚丽的颜色，手里拿着两瓶汽水慢慢地吸着。
只听到自己的鼻息。淹没时间的鼻息。
风走了，竟然忘了瓶子破碎的声音。好象突然一下子没有摔瓶子的习惯了。她把瓶子拎过头顶，闭上了眼睛，用力地往下摔。
玻璃汽水瓶碎的声音少了平时的嚣张，多了一声沉重的巨响。
* * * * *
“昨天夜里，一名５４岁的老翁被发现横尸在乐门路三房式组屋大牌５９１下。相信他是被高楼抛下的玻璃瓶击到头部以致不治…”
* * * * *
“喂？是风吗？”
“…”
“伯父的…对…对不起…我…”舞哽咽。
“……嘟―――”
* * * * *
舞再也没看见过风了。他们说风去了很远很远的一个地方，不会再回来了。舞要去找风。他们很忧郁地看着舞，说风去了一个谁也不能去的地方。
明天就是元旦。晚上穿着露颈露肩的长裙还真的有点儿冷。风送舞的那条长长白丝巾又围到了脖子上。
瓶子碎了，用玻璃轻轻划过手腕。没有疼的感觉，血以舞想象不到的速度涌了出来，很美丽的样子。凄美。
那个有着一双猫眼的女子怀抱着黑猫突然出现在舞眼前，偏头向舞无语地笑着，露出一丝嘲讽的神情。舞没理她，瞪着她怀里的黑猫。问道：“你不是跟着风吗？他在哪？”
黑猫偏着头，用和女子一样的神情望向舞。
午夜零时零分零秒。教堂的钟声。参杂远处倒数读秒的欢呼。在这个陌生又熟悉的城市。
再找不着风了。舞颓然地垂下头。白丝巾滑落下来，那两只白蝴蝶陡然变成了血红色。
下雪了。
舞的整个世界里，最终只有两只血色蝴蝶在飞舞着。
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
haha..watched meangals..tt show's bimbotic man~..the MOST bimbotic show i've EVER watched!! haha..omg..tak bor leh tahan lah~~haha..but $6 50 for a good laugh is ok lah...hhaaha..lindsay lohan n all those gals are like how bItChY..-_-..not to forget how scheme they are(actually only lindsay lohan n another gal..de others no brain for scheming.)..there's this bimbo who is--WAH~ i BAI4 her! ppl play ball games use hands to catch the ball..she uses her breast to ding3 de ball away lah~ goodness!!! HAHAHAHA..tt's not the end, when someone screamed at her insulting her HOW STUPID she is..lindsay lohan tried(as a hao ren) to console her..but she give an 'innocnent' look..or rather DUMB look n say bimbotically "it's ok~ i'm stupid~:)"...DOTZzzzzz..n n N!!! the ONLY thing she's capable of is to do weather forecast using her breast!!diaoZzzzzzzz..-___-lll..WAHHHHHHHHH *faints*..wo3 da4 kai1 yan3 jie4~~~o_O..well..the nan zu jiao is SHUAI!!! i mean..charming~~^^.but den again..HE IS A BIG TIME HIMBO!! even worse man~haha..super no brain~urgh..this kind of guys arg..-_-lll..zhen de you ren xi huan leh...ok..tt explains the existance of BIMBOs rite?muahahaa..
haha..today's chen lao shi lesson (bu kui shi poet:D)was a huge improvement fr yu kapo's~~Oops...shhhhhhhh...haha..but at least i DIN fall asleep:PpPpPpp..but den again..i was BIG TIME BFX by him~~~hahaha..he is needed to xin1 my chou3 shi4~~:P..but haha..it was my fault lah..who ask me so lazy to think of storyline for TAI CONG MING..n just anyhow recycle a storyline~~..den changed the ending~~heeZ..but tiger say CANNOT..coz later the kao guan oso got read before den die~~~haha..oks..pt taken~:P..but den again..this shows that--wateva chou3 shi4s done by anyone of us~~the WHOLE lot of lep teachers ll know~~hahahahaa...beware BEWARE~~~:D..
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
there's one thing i rly hate abt exams..rly cant understand y the hell they expect us to give the bunch of knowledge that we learn with only such minimal time?!?! wat the heck is this? wat's the pt of testing on our writting SPEED? so..am i suppose to write tt FAST in the future for wat eva reports in work? (we do have something call computers now..) or r they training us to be efficient secretaries(the only job i can associate to..)? so..EVERYONE's gonna be a secretary HOR?..ok..den TELL me n CONVINCE me wat the hell is the hidden purpose of..of forcing us to scribble until arm aches? tell me lah! exams are meant to test knowledge wat? does tt matter soOoo much to give us slightly more ample time to write n plan essays? i seriously don get he pt..come on..isn't it better for the markers or who ever so to get better quality scripts to mark n more legible handwrittings? wat's the pt of scribbling frantically n end of in hast when u actually still have SO much to write? WAH~~~~ it RLY does test ur studying of the subject or not leh...i'm SURe it rly DO test my knowledge..-_-..
stuuuuuuuuuuuupid...they are demanding us to write FAST, with NEAT handwrittings, n QUALITY work..HAHA..my toes r LAUGHING!..maybe the whoeva who come up with such insane criteria do some demo...
Saturday, July 03, 2004
thank goodness yuzhe's most hated LEP paper's over..WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! kill me!!!! can someone pls do the world a favour by tearing the ultra stupid chao2 dono wat (is it pronounce as SUI4? *scratch head* ) zuan4.. i COMPLETELY left it out fr my last min lep revision!! T_T the feeling is so funny lah..can u imagine.. i finally came to the end of the paper--gu wen, n i realize i DON UNDERSTAND a blardie thing!! i don RMB studying tt one at all...to think xiya just reminded me the day before to study it..URGH~..rly is not he noes me i dono him...n i think i'm superb loh..manage to crap a TOTALLY out of pt translation for mei ling chen...hahaaha...i was laughing away while writing..btw..let me bet with u..mei ling is gonna share my brilliant 0/8 piece with the WHOLE lecture..trust me...i can foresee it in time to come..T_T..so nice ppl out dere..don laugh ok..yall r HAO RENs hor.(better por yall now~~:PPpppPP)
okies..anyway..as if i care lah..had my dinner at this niao3 bu4 sheng1 dan4 place at queenstown..aiyah..as ulu as u can imagine..it's under daylight yet i felt so eerie walking pass..T_T..but the food's DMAN nice..felt like a glutton..coz we order SOoOo many food..even the 3 uncles at the nxt time kept staring at us..HeEZ.they must be thinking: goodness..3 gals can eat SO much!! haha..Oops..paishe..but well,so we SHDn't discrimminate ulu places okies~ haha,a brilliant excuse to eat kopitiam food..thx a lot wen!!!^^but haiZ..i din manage to find any suitable shoes at queensway..as usual..all those cliche designes..actually i found this super cool nike spiderman(de web only..i don rly like spiderman tt much..) sneakers..it's my fav color combi..n it costs only $72 ard there!! but there's something wrong with the manufacturers..the biggest pair cant fit my feet( eh eh..mine's normal size ok~^^)when it's not rly for kids-_-..r they clever or r they clever?! haha..pretty sad..but oh well,it's okie..coz this COOL BUTCH attended me...OMG~ u can c my face~~..was mesmerized by her~~~~..rly is not realize tt i was practically staring at her all the time...Oops..:P..does tt *hint* anything? Oh no~~~hahaha..but she's rly cool..i mean..aiyah..dono how to put it..but i'm quite sure is those stella would like..(considering her taste)..saw a lot of butch at orchard...but she seems a little diff from others..maybe i shd go da shan~~:D..haha..i'm crazy~~haha..
anyway..as we were walking out of queensway..saw 3 construction workers carrying one hun1 mi2 bu4 xing3 worker n they were carrying in this way: the sicked one laying straight with one supporting his hand, another his body n another this leg..they just walked pass us in this awkward manner...n RLY give a SCARE out of my wits~ i mean..the 1st thought tt came to my mind was: is this man dead?..but heng he was not..XIA SI WO LE~~phew~..feel pretty sad for the guy..he must have worked very hard (too hard) to support his family back in china until he fainted..haiZ..poor guy..but there are sooo many such poor souls out dere trying to make ends meet, swollowing all the hardships n sorrows on their own..i dono..whenever i saw such ppl..i couln't help but feel this pain in me..coz i couldn't do anything to help them..hmm..haiZ..ji ren zi you tian xiang..*amituofou*..
okies..enough of updating my stupid life with all the liu2 shui3 zhang4s...shall slp now..(though the i'm still quite high over the butch..maybe she can keep me high over the nxt few days~~wahahaha...):D
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
perhaps i'm still pretty much in holiday mood on mon..but today, i'm SURE tt i'm back to sch, back to the traumatising International History lessons..urgh..
haha.maybe i shdn't have stoned n have the when-de-hell-it's-going-to-start look while others are desperately making last min hopeless struggles..maybe i shdn't wu2 gu4 act xiao1 sa3(but it's rly ptless wat..not as if i'm prepared but such last min thing will only make ppl more nervous coz the more u study the more u realize how much u forgot the more kangjiong u are..)..or maybe i shd have slept early last night so tt i wont have this i-m-still-slping-look..or at least i shd pretend to mug..or atually..i shd blame GAN ZHI WEI( n rly must walk pass the front door n came in fr the back door..-_-)for coming in exactly 5 mins before the paper n gave such a huge allowance of time for sally to rmb me..haha..anyway..all the tian1 shi2 di4 li3 ren2 he2 thingy..haiZ..
guess wat's the 1st thing my fav teacher said to me after such a loooooooooong hols?
"Yuzhe!"
"!--" *distonenalise*
"....huh?..." with a bu4 xiang2 de yu4 gan3 after i was able to get back to my senses n respond..but i don rmb doing anything..ermZ..dui4 bu4 qi3 sally S-O-F-A-R wad...T_T wat's this time again?
"why u never attend the last lesson?"
yuzhe stun dio for 5 secs..trying to trace back wat happended 30 days ago..
"ermZ..sorry i was sick...." *gek apologetic look*
biangZ..she always have to catch me unprepared n at times red handed..can u imagine..the 1st thing a teacher said to u after 30 days is not 'how's the hols' or ' did u study ur hist or not'(this is more likely) or something alone tt line lah..but interrogating u for not attending the last lesson say..30 days ago?!?!?! goodness~ CAN U IMAGINE?! *ku1 xiao4 bu4 de2*..hahahaa..haiZ..is she having too good a memory(den don waste spare me some lah..since i'm ur beloved student mah..) or it's just me? T_T..din rmb her asking others for their attendence wad...n my attendence is not bad okies..wo3 zi4 ren3 quite discipline(although cant compare with de class but compare to others..hahEz)..nv pon any lesson excluding maths lah..n thx cailing jinghan n kan for the sympathetic look..-_-..hahhaahaa...
orh wells..i've been thinking..maybe it's time for me to fa1 hui1 skills of a historian--dig out sally's history (yo yo~~ check it out! ^^)..haha..i mean..there must be a reason behind all these right? hahaa..i mean..s-c-u-l-l-y i look like her most hated daughter or wat..hahhahahaaa...hu noes rite? :D..there MUST be a reason behind everything~..ermZ..okies..heeheeZ..
Thursday, June 24, 2004
How many of us lived by the principle You only live once, so do not live to regret? How many of us swore to keep to that golden principle and yet how many of us have failed time and again? The worst thing a person can say to him/herself is if only I.... What's the point in regreting and thinking back when all that is done is done? I can sit here and blabber non-stop about this philosophy. And then I suddenly realised I'm talking about myself.
I regret. About a lot of things. And yes. I have indeed taken to the fact that regreting never helps. At all. Yet, who could stop feeling sorry and blaming oneself for a stupid mistake. Recently, a mistake has been haunting me.once again, it has something to do with my, well, studies again.:(..i've been so controversial nowadays. knowing exactly wat As means, knowing precisely how hard i SHOULD be working, but there's just a voice inside me, urging me to ponder wat are the truly essential stuff in life... i figured that some things may seem like the world to me now but a few minutes later, or on retrospection, it seemed so trivial... like studies... no doubt it is essential, well, at least some of it is... but then again, how do we actually live our dreams in this day and age of coporations and high expectations? of desk jobs and mundane stuff? *shrug*..
but there's no time to waste wondering abt such things i guess..ok..so even i'm forcing myself to confront the piles of readings, i'm surpise tt, i don even noe wat i'm aiming for now or rather--wat i CAN aim for now. i'm definitely not going to get wat i dream of. it's hopelessly impossible, a darn cruel reality i abruptly come to realize today. future seems to offer only 2 routes, neither of my immediate interest. n tt's provided i CAN score well for As, it would pathetically left 1 route if i cmi--n i recken tt, tt would be the most likely outcome with the lazy n indolent attitude i'm presently having n the respective rate of progress.
but tell me..where exactly am i suppose to hunt for motivation when the source is painfully--out of reach?
if only i...urgh..not again....:(
Sunday, June 20, 2004
ta ta!! just realize my last crappy post is the no 100th!! haha..oops..n i happily wasted it on such rubbish~haha...
oh anyway~~ jin1 tian1 xin1 qing2 hen3 piao4 liang4 wor^^. noe wat? i got to meet up with my childhood fren(in spore i mean..haha..i rly can rmb my frens in china leh)!!! n precisely coz of this..he is like extra precious :)..haiZ..who ask i'm an immigrant..but like tt oso enough le..wat more can i ask rite..i'm actually very grateful tt i got to have this fren(aka 'brother' haha)...fr china too(he came later den me)..n managed to clique so well~~:)
it's like..we rly grew up together..i still remember he lived on floor 3 while me on floor 8.. i was 9 while he was 5..but i was still in p2 coz the well..sort of 'retained' coz of my eng..the principle just ASUMED tt i cant make it for eng n din bother to give me a chance just coz i was fr china..haiZ..if not i won be with this batch..would be the lucky batch tt escaped SOCIAL STUDIES n PW!! haiZ..but tt's not the pt..wat really hurts me was that i was looked down upon by so many adults simply because i was fr the "backward n cheena china".. n actually a lot of schs din even wana enrol me..so i was indeed grateful to get a placing in tt sch..sometimes..must learn to zhi1 zu2..rmb there's one principle(i shall not name the sch..)who said " u chinese ppl are of no match to our spore children" n tt's like how INSULTING..it rly left a huge impact on me..slap in my face..hate the air of superiority when he's so inferior in my eyes..but haiZ..nv like to tell anyone abt my past..but dono y i'm pening it down oso..memories are just beyond our control..but we have digressed..it's a happy occasion today..shall not let such memories affect my emotions~~*shake my head vigorously*..shoo shoo..
k..where was i? oh..we were rly close tt time..haha..its like..i think i spent more time at his house playing den mine~~haha..not tt i have a picky mother who doesn't like to pick up toys after us..but coz his house got this 'mini' snack cabinet~~~ haha..tt ermZ..explains me patroning his house so often yah?~*evil grinZ*~:P..we did so many things together..playing all sorts of chess..tiao4 qi2..xiang4 qi2..badminton..though i always won lah:P..n we each secretly went back to hone our skills before the nxt match~~haha..but liang xing jing zheng wor~^^..even did stupid things like tasting alcohol secretly..n me FORCINg comics onto him~~haha..ORH~ even rmb he was damn scared of water..n he even cried when he was forced (by us-me n his family~)into the pool..shivering~~hahahahha..but finally managed to overcome his phobia~^^V..but we have lost contact for a really long time..ever since my family moved to bukit batok~during p5..though our familys were initially still rather close n we still went swimming quite often together..den went out for dinner..EH~ come to think abt it..it's always ME n his family..wat was my parents doing arh??o_O~hahaha....but after he too moved to dono where..we lost contact..for 5 yrs..n i nv dream of seeing him again..haha..but now..:)..n he changed so much~~haha..he was so short the other time~~ but now much taller den me..n guess wat..he's in TCHS~~haha..he changed more den i do..tt might explains y i nv notice him in tchs~( if we ever met each other lah~~haha..)..but unexpectly quite shuai wor~~^^haha..
but come to think of it..how come all those whom i noe since young..all went to tchs~
-____-lll...hhaaa..kidding~:P
at 1st we were quite gan ga..pls lor..5 yrs are a pretty long time kZ..but he even more paiseh den me..but hen3 kuai4 jiu4 hao3 le~~haha...bi4 jing4 we were 'hao ger men'~heeZ..:)
Saturday, June 19, 2004
eh..suddenly rmb something very gek..thia saw EDISON at the airport the other day!!!! OMG loh~~~~ cmon~~edison leh~~ WEI HE such chances nv fall on me!!!!!! wei HE~~~~T_T..someone pLeAsE enlighten me!!..hmph~..i was nearly abt to declare tt anyone who can grant me the wish to get a close up look at Eddie( in person)---i ll marry him~~(hope wont be a her den~i'm straight~hahah..)..errr okies..tt's like how lame~..but it's ok~i'm crazy~haha..n thia rly is needed to add salt n MORE salt onto my wound by criticizing how SHORT he is..n tt he looks a little fat..THX LEH!!! hahahaah..okie lah..edison isn't in any sense-tall..but not actuall short wat~..haha..ppl at least is 176(or 8)okies..n he isn't fat~~haha..but anyway..tt's not the pt though..not as if i like him coz of his weight n height~haha..orh..btw..thia( as a non fan of Eddie) commented tt he's indeed shuai~~~without make up~^^...i mean..tt's like D-U-H?! it's MY taste wat..^^V..oh pls..his features r PERFECT(haha..at least this pt is ermZ..unrefutable rite?:P)..
anyway..just realize tt this post is pretty rubbish..but hu cares? i'm high~y am i so high today? perhaps coz xiya's back..n stella's going to be back soon~ yeah~ or maybe oso coz..i finally got the chance to sneak online n chat~..parents sound asleep now~*heard a c-r-e-e-k fr the door*!!*JUMPS* *look ard hastly*...-whisper- sHhhhhhh..don make so much noises if u hope to c yuzhe online okies? :P..*xin1 xu* i better go now..haha..:P
Friday, June 18, 2004
[对白‧刘若英]
[面对未來聪明不起來]
一年多过去了，这一年多以來，我自己变了。不可知的未來，让我感到害怕了，在我一步步迈 向二十岁的的时候。我在害怕些什么？我自己也不知道。
我变了。
[我只是不懂这一切应不应該]
我不再是我自己，我找不回那个不在乎別人对我的看法的自己，也回不到那个看了不爽，即使是老師也一样呛下去的宇哲。
我开始在乎了，在乎这周遭的一切。于是，也开始害怕失去，害怕失去这现有的一切。因为在乎，于是我再次帶上了面具，在别人的面前，我不再是我，我成了坟墓，无助地目睹自己慢慢离去。
我真的不知道，原來的我到了哪，我开始怀疑，这一切的一切，是否真的就像刘若英在歌声中所唱的。
[幸福的期待，自己也都看不出來]
因为开始在乎，于是也开始期待幸福，期待自己不应得，也无法承受的幸福。
即便自己知道，幸福也许就在眼前，我仍不敢放手，我仍在害怕，害怕这个不一样的自己。
因为我已经分不清。
[就让风吹过空白脑海]
窗外仍然下着毛毛細雨，风应该是冷的，但我感觉不出。靜靜地吹着风，脑中，除了慌，是一片空白。
酒？我沒喝酒，我还清醒的很。也许，当心冷了之后，就再也感受不到风的冷了。
听人們說，这世上有一件事叫做酒后吐真言。是否，哪一天我该试试？于是逼自己听听我内心深处的秘密。
[爱你是我这一生給你的对白]
是的，我不爱你，你的瑕疵我比谁都清楚，只不过是对你有很些眷恋罢了。
只是仍有想要回味你在我身旁的幸福。
说我自恋又怎样？
[剧情背景怎么換也一句不改]
于是，在祈求老天让我重活一次时，只要能找回你，即使是支离破碎。
[如果你不來]
你不会來的，我心中明白得很。因为，因为已经来不及了。
[对白，只是独白]
所以，这一切，注定只会是我的喃喃自语的独白。
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Sunday, June 13, 2004
ahhhhhh!
today's a good day to buy 4D!why? cos i escaped a fire unharmed~~!!!let me elaborate.
was at my Dad's office bathing after swimming. after i came out, and went back in, i heard crackling sounds (like those you hear during a campfire?). yea. then suddenly, BOOM! the air-con compressor exploded (mini one) and burst into flames. everything on fire la(like tt time Lep room speaker liddat..but bigger scale lahZ)... ran out like mad..xia4 si3 wo3 le~~:S. luckily no one was hurt. just lots and lots of smoke cos come funny people from the next door unit happily stacked rubber stuff and wooden boxes(!!..ta men zhen de hen cong ming lohZ..dono wat's wooden boxes doing down dere in science park -_-) beside the compressor. four charred compressor units. what an experience~~~..T_T
anw, the fire incident has actually shown and proved further how selfish Singaporeans can be!! when my dad and the people next door were yelling desperately for more fire extinguishers, the other people from the other units were actually reluctant to lend theirs! (they were hugging the damn extinguisher and trying to hide from them..) how selfish is that? oh~~ so you'd rather burn, than pay a few dollars to get the fire extinguisher refilled..wat is this?? really is not thanx..
Orh~~on a lighter note...something funny happened too..hahaha.. okieZ..embarrassing, more likely :P
was at the bookshop, and suddenly i heard a phone ringing..one of those sUpEr cheena ring tones that'll make you go o_O the minute you hear it~~~and i was like..thinking to myself: god. who on earth still uses that kinda ringtone. heng it's not mine~ AND after i walked out, i realized it was mine!!! biAngZ..slap in the face aeii..T_T..den i realized i switched phones with mom today, and didnt bother to go change the tone.. god knows why she was using that kind of ringtone~~~ *stab myself*... thank god i don't frequent that bookshop :|...hahaha..okies..i think my life's becoming more n more like a joke~..a bit the ku xiao bu de..^^lll..hahaha..but on a positive note~ it's eXcItInG~ loh~~..not everyone get de chance to have such a wonderful life full of funny surprises can~~haha...okies..zuo4 ren2 must noe how to zi4 wo3 an1 wei4~ heeheeZ^^..
Friday, June 11, 2004
this morning didn't go quite well. I jumped out of bed...for no apparent reason. As in, just woke up suddenly those kind. And i guess that made me super sleepy towards the later part of the morning. I really couldn't concentrate at all and my head seemed to be strongly attracted to my study table.
anyway...i finally had my math goddess to come enlighten me over pNc and probability. ARgh i hate those 2 chapters. I mean, seriously...do i look like i care about the probablity of one red or black ball being chosen? Or or.. how many ways u can arrange a couple on a round table? aiya...just sit la! haiyoh...why must still arrange..
anywayZ..after 4 days of this week passed, i've got to admit that i'm an unrealistic and overly-ambitious idiot. My holiday study program has been absolute rubbish. it went wrong the moment it began. which was a secondary part of the plan, for it to go wrong. hence everything is going perfectly according to plan..haha..:D..lets c..this week began as a whole new chapter with no more SATs n any other committments..^^V i'd write a "Priority List" or "Things to do" and proudly jots down at least 5 things i think i can complete before i get to sleep. Yet, i find myself idling after lunch, taking a generous amount of nap time and by the time i set to work, it's almost the same as the time i sit down to study after say..those huang cheng days. Then, i'll realize that out of the 5 things i think was easy to complete, i ended up striking out only 1 of it, completed. The rest of the 4 tasks would then automatically move down and accumulate to the next day's "Things to do" . Sighh...
i watched harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban yesterday MYSELF( all thanx to wr de pig n yun~ haha..:P)and it was quite a disappointment:S. except for the saving grace that is the british-accented emma watson, who will be an even hotter girl than she is now given, say, 3 years!!^^ haha..okies..u noe i DO like to look out for chiobus~:P..but i dono..it's just izzit as nice as the others..n i really cant stand sirus..i mean the one in the movie..for the same old reason tt de director kinda chou hua him~ HMPH~...i always think tt sirus's great esp in the Order of the Phoenix..haha..aha~ i do admit i prefer a little rebellious charat.:P..oh yeah, speaking of the movie itself..i could do a review in three words: read the book.
haiZ..I'm begining to dread being home. Don't get me wrong, i love my home and family..but somehow i think there's a communication gap between my parents and i. All they care about is my work, school, academic, studies. It's becoming more apparent when their questions in the day gets more and more standard, revolving around " when r u going to start working on ur As? r u INTENDING to get the scholarships or not? XXX was like u last yr n scored badly..There's izzitnt much time left. Are u coping with ur work? Do u have a goal in life? there's no chance for regret..blah. " Other than that, the rest of my life is kept locked in myself. And like.. obviously when such questions are thrown to you, it's only right that you say everything's fine right? n when i retaliate by asking them is there ANY other things u wanna know abt me other den studies..they went: wat do u wan me to ask? Tt's just wat i wan to noe..just like after As i ll be more interested in ur WORk n relationships.
dotZ...
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
hAhA~~ cant imagine someone actually send this to my mail~~ helLo~ i'm fr wei da de ARTS fac. oKieZ~muahah..but well..as a qin fen hao xue de xue sheng~~( stoppp puking lehZ..:P)i realize i still manage to rmb 50% of Sec Chem(though it's vanishing FAST :D): tt an atom is made up of electrons, protons, n neutronS~..cations n anions~..eh~ at least i noe carbon forms the STRONGEST bond okies^^(izzit tetrahedral bonding arh?)..n AHA~ titration~~how can i every forget tt~~..kinda MISS it wor^^(like real) all the changing of colors~haha..
Subject: Chemistry at work
> > >> >
> > >> > > 1. What did one atom tell another?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > I think I lost an electron
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Are you sure?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Yes, I'm positive.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 2. A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube
> > >> > > fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame!
> > >> > > I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium. The bunsen
> > >> > > burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going
> > >> > > through".
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 4. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender:
> > >> > > " How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him and
> > >> > > says: "For you, it's no charge".
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 5. Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Because it was polar.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 6. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > A one molar solution.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 7. What do dipoles say in passing?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Have you got a moment?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 8. Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Because it's in the ground state.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 9. What do you do with a dead chemist?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Barium
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 10. What weapon can you make from the elements
> > >> > > potassium, nickel, Iodine and iron?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > A KNIFe.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 11. Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > They're cheaper than day rates.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 13. What did one titration tell the other?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Let's meet at the endpoint.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 14. Why are chemists great for solving problems?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > They have all the solutions.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 15. Do you know what happened to the chemist who was
> > >> > > reading a book about Helium?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > He just couldn't put it down.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 17. Why do chemistry professors like to teach about
> > >> > > ammonia?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Because it's basic stuff.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 18. What is a cation afraid of?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > A dogion
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 19. What did the match tell the flame?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Baby, you make me lose my head.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 22. Why did the ice cube get divorced?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > His wife said he was too cold.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 23. Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > They bonded well from the minute they met.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 24. What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Methylated spirits.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 25. If H20 is water what is H204?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . .
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 26. A psychotic chemist came home from work and had a
> > >> > > big fight with his wife. In the heat of the moment, he
> > >> > > grabbed a bottle of some lethal chemical substance and
> > >> > > forced her to drink it while he screamed: " Die Ethyl,
> > >> > > die". The wife dropped dead on the floor and the
> > >> > > neighbors who were watching the scene, decided to call
> > >> > > the police. The policemen arrived and arrested the
> > >> > > chemist. One of them asked: Was there any reason for
> > >> > > you to kill your wife? The chemist replied: " There
> > >> > > was no chemistry between us. We never bonded well
> > >> > > although we tried.In the compound where we lived, our
> > >> > > temperaments collided. She always responded negatively
> > >> > > to my comments. Our relationship was unstable. There
> > >> > > was no possible solution. She had an attitude and I
> > >> > > was explosive. Finally, I overreacted. But now I'm
> > >> > > glad it's over. I'm in equilibrium again.I will feel
> > >> > > free even behind the irons."
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 27. A group of organic molecules were having a party,
> > >> > > when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole
> > >> > > all of the guests joules.A tall, strong man, armed
> > >> > > with a machine gun came into the room and killed the
> > >> > > robbers one by one.The guests were very grateful to
> > >> > > this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He
> > >> > > replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > 28. According to a chemist, why is the world so
> > >> > > diverse?
> > >> > >
> > >> > > Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
hahaa..had a good laugh at 70% of the jokes..:)
Sunday, June 06, 2004
haiZ..i'm damn shang xin(a perfact eg of exaggeration :P) yesterday sia..i so jaded-ly wrote a whole chunk of After-SAT n Invest-gan yans^^ n tried to post it last midnight..the page told me there was ERROR!!! n GONE was my post!!! URGH! damn!! dui arh dui..pekchey arh pekchey..gek arh gek!! but den..i was toooo tired to try to reiterate..
okies..as i was saying yesterday..it had been a happy day(if not for the post thingy~~) haha..the SAT suck like dono wat..3.5hrs leh~~ cannot pray pray loh..rly is not kena niao by kan n kianwee of my super jAdEd o_O look..cant help it..haha..dey all finished their lunch already..while left me to eat LJS's with 6 ppl staring at me..haha n i was so surfeited tt i even got serious parallex error n grabbed Kan's drink..haha..but heng i realize n DIN drink..n i was secretly praying tt KAN nv realize..BUT i still BFX..n yah..a very heartfelt 'thanks' for their uproarious laughter -_-lll...haha..but NVM~ i'm a HAo rEn~~ i wont ji jiao ^^V~~ hahas~~..
okie..1st i wanna complain sia..XIYA!!! ur SAT bk rly is not heavy leh~~..make me carry all the way fr PS to BUGIS with all the shopping n all de da bao xiao baoS of presents for bi bao~~ biangZ..so very super ah soh~T_T..don have xing xiang liao lah~~haha..but anyway..must thx u for de yan zhi kou! OMG~~ is it nice or is it nice!? li bi hua is so damn zai..Kz..i'm going to read more of her chuang zuos! yeah!^^ feel like watching the movie leh..i always missed it when CH 8 screens it..how arh?think Kan ll have it..hah..okies.i'm going to BUG him until he agrees to lend me~ *evil grinZ*..better come up with a conspiracy nowZ~~haha..needed -_-lll..
updates abt bao bao 25..i was SO touched by my dearest xiao bao yao long..noe wat he gave me? a star-shaped glass candle holder with candle inside of course :) n it's like placed in this nice little box admist of dry petals..nice rite? tt's not de end..he even sewed a pouch for me himself..note..H-I-M-S-E-L-F! albeit it might just seems to be a piece of brown fabric sewed tgd for most of u(man..he can do better stitches den me~haha..:P) but boy..just look at the amt of effort he put in! i mean..a guy sewing something leh~~~~ i'm simply so touched tt i'm just...just...speechless..wat can i say man..*hao gan dongs~*..*cries*..
updates abt bao bao 23..my dearest da bao DIYI!! goddness! she got into the 2nd round of Singapore Idol~ Can u guys believe it?! haha..but come to think of it..isn't it eXpECtEd? come on..DIYA leh..getting in is like--DUH? rite? she's so zAi n fUnKy~ it has been ages since i last seen her..haha..she still as fine n chiRpy as usual~haha..DIYA JIA YOU!! i'm behind u aLl de WAY~~~but come to think abt it..diya's fr s66 rite? aiyo..how come a bit the yi dai bu yi dai arh???? muahaha..now even produce bi bi like JJ who liang2 xing4 tong1 sha1!! luan4 gao3 BBR with my bao bao?!?! muahaha..but it's okie..since they r all my dear bi bao juniors..haha..
Thursday, June 03, 2004
as u all saw..the blogger of this blog is not blogging n some of u may start questioning urself secretly "is yuzhe's blog dead?..or even betta..is yuzhe dead?" :D..but before yall start celebrating..i'm still here..tooo bad..muahaha..ok lame..cant blame..tt's the prob when u are stuck at home for days with eating n slping n continuing eating n slping (damn..horizontal growth rate:1 inch/day i think..oh dear..hahaZ)..but i cant go out!! the only place i went was de shu zhan..k..not as if i'm under curfew or wat but it izznt much betta either..
ok..let's c wat's happening behind the door of blk 257 #12/329..
morning:
tiptoed to the sofa to get a candestine pEeP at the papers...
but DEN~~
"ni3 xing1 qi2 6 bu2 shi4 you3 shen3 me3 mei3 guo3 de kao3 shi4 ma? hai2 bu2 kuai4 qu4 du2?"**
take out de stupid red sat bk..(but end up listening to mp3..while pretending to be studious..)
afternoon:
managed to sneak out of my room n took a 20min glance at KANG XI DI GUO vcd dey r watching..^^..BUT after 20 mins..gan3 dao4 1 dao already FA XIAN wo de yan sheng..
** repeats.
ok..end up shuned back to my room dear room again with the stupid bk..but this time ended up drawing..u noe..i ll only draw when i'm darn bOrEd..haiZ..den rE-READ Prince of Tennis~~woOhOO~~ thx ah lee for the comics..my saviour~^^( ok at least mom is TRUSTING enough nv to won pop by to give my fragile n brittle heart any unNeceSsaRy fright~ muahaha..)
night:
daddy came back..liang kou zi start to xian2 hua4 jia1 chang2 here a bit dere a bit..of course cannot let go this Opportunity to go online when their alerting system is the weakest!! but ended up BFX once again within 30 mins..
** repeats (mom)
** repeats (dad)
ok..back to the bk..with some ReAL studying (finally)..when i say real..i mean REALLY some studying ok~~ haha..not the kianwee style of ZHEN DE..:P
late of niiiittgggghhtttt..
*switch off lights* tiptoed to the living room..turn on TV..mute it..watch 10 zi lu kou in complete darkness..
"ma~~~ jie3 zai4 kan4 dian4 shi4~~~~~"--dearest of my deAreSt bro.
but needless to say...wo you BFX le..T_T..
"zhe4 me3 wan3 le..kuai4 dian3 qu4 shui4 jiao4..bu4 ran2 ming2 tian1 nar3 you3 jing1 shen2 zuo4 shi4?"
...fine..my family consists of a whole bunch of sChEmErs~~~..dey r violating UN Universal Declaratino of Human Rights no 24: Everyone has the right to REST, LEISURE, limted WORKING HRS, and PERIODIC HOLS n pay( this 1 not rly relevant :P)..
but it's OKIE~~ i ll pull thru~~~~~muahahaahha..
Monday, May 31, 2004
if u sing bad..n feel demoralised by wat pple say abt u..man..u ought to listen to william hung's cd "inspiration"..not tt i bought tt junky cd..but rather being a typical singaporean( haha..not quite though..:P)..i dl it..with lots n lots of remixes..bwahahaha..n i don feel bad..dunno y..maybe i'm just sadist n cynical..haha..but wat to do?:D
was on the bus today when i rmb these mp3s..den i just played it for myself to hear..and i couldnt help but burst out laughing..my fren was sitting beside me n she was like "hey yuzhe siao or wat.." in btw fits of laughter..i explained it to her..she din believe till she heard the mp3..n she TOO laughed SOOO~~ loud..everyone was staring at her n me..Oops..hahas..
tt cd..if given a rating..out of 5 stars..maybe i shd be generous n give it -5..but well..the humour is tremendous...so i shd give it -4..btw the album shd not be titled inspiration..coz all the songs belong to someone..lyke..Hotel California belongs to Eagles(i think)..darn ironic sia~ hahEz..:P
Sunday, May 30, 2004
so i was clearing my comp todae...all my thousand-year-old files...oh wells yea...at least i've got my mp3 files sorted out :) and i realised..yuzhe's most dl grp/singer....-still- linkin park n jay man...hahaz
yarh remember my mum... telling me to go 'get my life in order' by packing my room....i mean...is the state of your room a direct parallel of the state of ur life? an apt metaphor to describe my current state of life?...n the prob is my room is NV by any means in any mess..it's just happened tt i have sooooooo many sheet/s of paper all piled up rather clumsyly on my desk( tt's the prob when dey refuse to have textbks) tt i end up in this pathetic state of doing my hw on the dining table..
but we digress u c....as i was about to delete some of my many hist essays n some managed-to-gou qie for 1 yr PW files...yes...stupid hist essays n PROJECT WORK (not piao wu..:p)...i suddenly....she bu de...as in canot bear to...i couldnt bear to delete dem....den i was wondering...wad the hell.it's hisT n PW....but yarh..den again...all my hardwork...flushed down the drain just like that...amazing...i just couldnt bring myself to do it...den my fren said aptly..."gal..must learn to let go"...yes it's true...i remember the last time i cleared my inbox of all those messages good and bad..u'noe those u want to remember cuz it's special and everything...i just deleted it all in a flurry..not a pre-meditated decision but rather one of emotional folly...but hey, must i say..i felt so good after i deleted it...felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off my back...like i was free.....free from the clutches of my memories...
yes...that's wad it is...memories....yarh..i think..we all want to remember...we all want to have something to remind us of the better (? maybe...) times we had back then..to allow us to go back to their comfort in times of distress...and well yea..handphone messages give us de luxury....even if we dont look at our old messages...they do serve to remind us becuase...well, they're always there...they're like pictures...which reminds me...i dun have a camera of my own...partly coz i don't like taking pictures..but also i believe that pictures...are taken for memory...or rather...to help us remember of some wonderful time that we have...and silly me, at that time thot that if the memory was meant to be remembered...it would b remembered without the help of a picture..haha how idealistic of me.....y den would ppl write poems...draw pictures...film movies....or even blog?! y den am i blogging??!?...it is because i want to preserve this memory of this thought that i thought...it is because the writers want to remember their wise words...the painters want to remember their colourful imagination....oh wells...im getting damn luo suo :P
but what i was talking about is....yarh....the handphone thing...sometimes...clinging on to the beautiful past...prevents us from looking to the future...
aiyahz.....so yarh..bout those files.....why the hell am i still keeping them?...i'm afraid...that subconsciously i'm afraid that i would not be able to write better than i had before...i mean..after all..it's handed in to the teacher and graded liao..there's no use of keeping it...sure...the thing im telling myself now is that...all my hardwork disappear just like that?...or even maybe cuz it's a specially good piece that i would like to keep or wadeva...but the fact is that...oh wells...i dunno what reasons are holding me back from deleting them...haiZ..
一个莫名其妙的下午。
莫名其妙的感动积压在胸里，发泄不出来。
想写点什么，却又不知道要写什么。
——请你驯养我吧。
狐狸这样对小王子说着。
并不是一个有趣的游戏。
关了电脑，去打电话。
“读过小王子和狐狸的故事吗？”
“没有。”
“……”
说着，自己是非常的奇怪。
但是……
没什么不一样吧……
说着那样的借口……其实是为了……
“……你的头发是金色的。假若你驯养了我，我也会爱上麦田的颜色。那是多么美妙的事情啊。”
寂寞？
“说这样的话，说什么喜欢，你觉得不奇怪？”
“不啊……”
是很久以前的对话了呢。
不想写作业。
时间过得好快又好慢。
奇怪吗？
不奇怪吗？？
微笑。
“我得走了。”
小王子对狐狸说着，“最终，你还是什么也没得到吧。”
“不，”狐狸摇头，
“我还有麦田的颜色。”
说着“喜欢”，很奇怪吗？
是担心啊。
并不是想说就可以说的时候……
很久以前。
不，也不太久……
想跟他讲一句话，但一直也没有。
直到他走了。
所以，下了决心。
请你，驯养我吧。
寂寞？
雨……
阴天……
下雨的季节……
听雨……
也许是真的很奇怪。
同样的雨天。
是希望，能够……
比较特别一点。
喜欢？不喜欢？
并不是那样。
是希望抓住，特别的东西吧。
在变化中……
能够有不变的东西。
所以，请你驯养我吧。:)
糟糕。。我又再说些有的没的了。。
Saturday, May 29, 2004
HEY HEY~~~~ i'm in LEP room now WoR~^^..n i'm FORCED to write a post to entertain ANCHYI~~(anchyi:excuse moi...)..OOps..wo you bei fa xian le ^^lll..hahEZ..i've just written 3 lines of rubbish..ANCHYI u stop laughing~~ hmph~ don think i dono ur CHOU SHIs okies~~dono WHO hor say " malai i thought u r zhiping.." MUAHAHAHA...den justin leh? u tot he is zhile right??? :D..ok ok u don PEEP lehZ..it's illegal..u later den c lahZ..:P
heard tt the oDd couple's superb~ hahas..den i'm expecting a lot tonight :) MEL u jia you wor~~ lalalala..aiyah shit..guo hong chasing everyone out of the room liaoZ..later den continue my crapppppppp..:P
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Friday, May 21, 2004
像风一样吹过
耳边的风在另一个世界里喧嚣，静寂的夜可以感觉到有轻盈的音符在舞蹈。我把头探出窗外，想要寻找一些并不是寒冷的感觉，一种只有在寂静和轻盈之中才会有的宁静和心灵的放松。
我知道也许在另一个世界里或是在不远的未来会有一个人喜欢和我一同趴在窗口吹风，在这寂静的夜中留下阵阵悦心的欢笑。
一个人坐在阳台上看着如漫天繁星的万家灯火，古怪的思绪在晚风中悠闲地飘浮着，突然想打一个电话，一个很久以前无数次拨打过的电话号码。可拿起的瞬间又放下了，必竟在这样的一个夜里，悠闲的只是我自己。五年前，曾想过创办一个网站，就如同现在的榕树下一样。可建网站容易，感悟人生中的苦辣酸甜，抒发自己真挚的人生感悟难，毕竟自己还很年轻，毕竟还有好多好多的路要自己去走，必竟还得面对一个不像自己的自己，去改变他，让他拥有理想中的人生。
别人的路是如何走的呢？想到中学一位很AP的女生上课时不断吹自己的头发，她说喜欢那种飘逸的感觉；想到小学和我同桌的几个好哥儿们，想到每次跟我拌嘴的淘气小男生，想到幼时曾经和我一起爬树的伙伴。
很晚了，机子里放着那张BANDARI的EI Condor Pass.那是我喜欢的一张专辑。我贪婪地聆听着那来自阿尔卑斯山的天籁之声，Sound of silence中那原始森林的鸟鸣，会使人如身临其境。不管你有没有试过，一个人在家的时候，享受这些美妙的音乐会别有一番情趣。
嗯，很晚了，我应当抱着我的牙刷睡觉去了。不然明天的UN talk、、、啊>........
平凡的一天结束了。
Monday, May 17, 2004
haha..a pretty long break fr blogger huh~..haiZ..dono y..just have nothing much to update..my ideas r running out..losing the touch of writing.URGH. maybe saturation pt reached? hmm..:S..oh well.it's nearly coming to the END of term 2!! i mean..though it seem as if MAY has just started or wat but HEY!! face it! 2 more wks to go before JUNE HOLS!! or rather the gate towards an endless struggle for the pathetic As~..OMG..come to think of it..wat have i done for the past 4..no 5 MTHS?!?!?! Huang Cheng was the ONLY presentable achievement..NOT pathetic ley..haIZ..have been slacking like nobody's business while everyone seem much in the ready-for-bitter-battle mode?!?! looking at KAN makes me ermZ..a little uneasy..he's so PIA!!!starting to revise history already..haha..while i'm still struggling with assignments n deadlines..urgh. i can foresee my doom days if i'm NOT going to get into the zhuang tai soon..n de whole bloody pt it i JUST CANT GET INTO THE ZHUANG TAI!!*shouts n screams*...URH!!!! FEELING LIKE A STUPID LOSER!! BLEAH!
ok. i'm just irritated by my irritating slacking attitude.:S
Monday, May 10, 2004
很羡慕那些会说，会交朋友的人，走到哪里也不会寂寞，总是能很快和周围的人打成一片，而且在公众的场合总是左右逢源，引人注目。
也许天生性格如此，我就不会那么热络人，女生在一起，最喜欢谈论偶像，这些话题最能引起共鸣了，可是有时候，我想不出这有什么可谈的，所以 我经常都是安静地看她们热烈地聊天。其实，我很喜欢那些天性热情的人的，自己也被这样的人吸引，把自己的热情传播开来，让大家心里都暖洋洋的，这样的人怎么会不让人喜欢呢。
我不喜欢淡漠，但是我更不喜欢虚伪，要我违心地对一个人热情，我也做不到，南中的几个要好朋友，不是经常见面，但是友谊却日久情深，只要偶尔想起，心中仍然温柔。只要有什么心事，最想让她们分担，所以，我不孤独。信奉一句话：人生得一知己，足矣。
对于感情，别人看来，我也很冷淡，我不是轻易容易被打动的人，也不会很早下结论，自然最好，自己知道，就象暖水瓶，外表是凉的，内心却很温暖。:)
Friday, May 07, 2004
sianZ..chiong until so pekchey for hist den in the end overslept!!!! i DUI DUI DUi..actually wan to go for su lao shi lesson lah..miss his lesson qutie a lot :) but hiyah..ok..i'm just lazy to move..a bit the dui bu qi xiya leh..coz js oso not in sch..Oops..but the rest of the lessons fei loh. i mean maths still ok but mei ling chen shi bo leh?!?!?! so decided not to go until election lah..my mom oso psychoing me not to~heeZ..
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
ARH!!!! cant online for like decades!! sian loh!! pc zhen de yao down lah..zhen de yao while my daddy is overseas lah..so end up poor me gotta fix the pc..dono how come my modem connection got prob~~ later gotta call singtel n qu3 jing1 T_T..so borbian gotta use in lep room..URGH..i feel deprived..:P..but actually is good oso..no temptation n distraction..but din turn out tt i mug more leh..OOps..:P..hahaha.. haiZ..rly is not got loads of things to update..but aiyah..too lazy..
abt the RJ drama rite..not tt i wan to CONDEMN lah..BUT WAH!! rly is not like lousy ley..so disappointing..prcs living in their own world again loh..wad fan3 ying4 3 generations of ppl..fr those babarians to de wu4 suo3 nanyang time to Jp occupation to now..URGH..heard fr Kan it's even worse den NJ...i think i can *faint*..the tai2 ci2 ke neng not CLICHE~~those supposed-v-funny (-_-) tai ci must repeat 3 times!!those taiwan PI LI HUO oso better lah!! somemore got pple LAUGH leh?!?!?! n the jokes r like lao she de you1 muo4 leh (pls refer to tea house...) oh manZ...wat's their prob? 10 yrs nv heard jokes liao izzit?! no wonder they like SHAN1 DONG4 REN2( the name of the drama)..coz they are shan dong ren themselves..quote an eg..got this gal smuggle to nanyang coz heard nanyang pian4 di4 shi4 gold (tt's NOT the de most cliche part..) den come already kena forced into prostitution..den all her sad sad life lah..(tt's not de end yet...hang on..)..den u noe wat she said?! wat.."nan ren dou shi mei you liang xing de dong xi!.....ta men dou shi qing shou! zhi yao wo de sheng ti!..blah.." -_-lll..i SEH loh!!den rounds of cheering n applause n cat calls fr the audiences...?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! den she keep on repeating these stupid cliche things loh..den audience keep on cheering n clapping...wad de?!?!?! tsk tsk!! BUEY TAHAN~~...somemore still heard got a prc say wat this is better den huang cheng!!!! ask him go eat SHIT loh! but cant blame him coz he is a PRC~~ *hmph*...Oops...am i too mean or sarca huh? but aiyah..true mah..not tt all prcs r liddat..at least those i quite noe r not lah...HeeZ..but yall get wat i mean rite? i'm NOT discriminating :P..just voicing out my honest opinion :P..ok i think the High Frequency Word is CLICHE for this entry..haha..oh btw..saw FENG nian hao da XUE there oso~~ muahaha..her dressing arh..sent me -_-lll..dress until like above 25 liddat..but den no taste oso..somemore try to look armZ..a little "xing gan"...haiZ..yan2 bu2 jian4 wei2 jing4..but still kena sore eye..:/..ok..gotta go home to settle my pc liaoZ..signing off..:)
Thursday, April 29, 2004
hey hey~i seriously think i shdn't think too much haha..but sometimes cant help it mahZ. tt explains my presence in arts^^...haha..but rly thx a lot xiya,anchyi n mel for being so sweet n supportive :)...i rly appreciate u guys a lot~:)..
YUZHE zui pa ren wu zhi xue xiao pian..
1)mdm tay
2)Song YD
3)photocopying shop auntie..
hahah...u c..of all teachers..wo3 zui4 dui4 bu4 qi3 ta..haha..still owe her 1 SBQ (deadline last last last last wk) n her term essay (deadline last last wk) Oops..cant blame her for roaring during every lect for scripts lah..n she is needed to be the CT of 03a12..every morning gotta c her T_T..duo3 dou1 bu ke yi duo3 loh~~ darn..everytime c her like c wen shen--quickly siamZ..or hide behind xiya(rly helps :P)..haiZ...tmr's her lesson..shit loh..she ll go "yuzhe...WHEN R U GOING TO HAND UN UR ESSAY????? i'm NOT going to mark any LATE scripts anymore n i'm going to give ZERO! i DON CARE...." haha..den i ll use wat ivan chuan zhou wo de tatic--act blur n give her the daze look :P..hahha...but oh wells...i'm going to be BEI FA XIAN tmr loh~ o_O..
Song YD..HAIZ...everytime chase after me for my MC~ sianZ..as if he don noe i PON lahZ..den rly got parent help me write lahZ..zhen de bu shi every morning scream for my name den i quickly squat n hide under the class bench..shit loh..rly is not throw face..den everytime after morning assembly gotta chiong to the toilet before he calls for my name..needed...
AIYAH...ke neng zhen de bu shi everytime owe her BIG $$$$...tell u she rly can recognize me loh!!! on the streets oso ll wave HI to me..T_T...haha..still rmb last time she almost tell everyone who guang gu her dian to try to tell a gal call YUZHE to come pay up~~tt time rly is not big time shit for me~~hahah..so pple.. ur kelian de treasurer need to pay up again...don wan too many pple to noe me lahZ..ll wo hui hai xiu de wor~:D one leh me don wan to be AA~~muahahahha...
N HOR~ sOmE pple hor..still havn pay up for the LAST time( in the begining of the yr $5) ley...malai..wo3 bu2 shi4 zai4 jiang3 ni3..ni QIAN WAN bu yao wu hui~ :D:D:D:D
OH OH~ some one rly is big time BEI FA XIAN leh...i just borrowed this SAT book n as i was flipping, saw a letter dropping out..n guess wat?! it's a lOvE letter!! wah~~ i was quite jing bao dao..de date was last yr nov one..either it's J2 this yr or j3 lahZ...WAH~ dono wat to say..but he rly is 3 ge zi--bei fa xian loh~~~ haha..:P
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
夜，终于睡去。
不眠的灯和模糊的游魂。
我睁大双眼，注视黑暗之流汹涌而来，我无所畏惧。
寂静，静得令人感动。
只有我不安的心绪掀起无声的狂淘巨浪，不语的声嘶力竭。
一切都在静默中进行。
包括诞生和死亡。
种子在漫长的寂静和黑暗中孕育成长，终于会在十月后一个突然的时刻爆发出最原始最本能最响亮同时也是最纯洁的一声怒吼，向世界宣告了生命的开端。
生命的结束是完成一次次永无休止的循环。由声与光的世界退回到永恒的静默和黑暗之中。
为了最充分地使用生命，人们学会了做梦。以便身躯处于类似死亡状态时拯救自己的灵魂。用五彩斑斓的梦来欺骗自己，并奇迹般的用梦---和短暂死亡并行的一条线索，连接了几乎断裂的很多次生命。人类得以此将命中注定的很短的寿命延续到极限。
此时此刻，我却无梦。
我的生命断裂成无数段落，无法拼接。
深夜，我用双眼逼退死亡。
我正用笨拙的笔策划着蹩脚的文字游戏。
没有人和我做游戏，我独自游戏。
就在这静静的黑夜里，我拥抱寂寞，亲吻无聊。
我听到一首低歌，唱着无韵，说着无声。或许是我的心房，隔着厚厚的胸腔，拍打着神秘的密码，暗示我一道神思。
我想悲哀，却支借不出一丝情绪。
无喜无悲，是大彻大悟后的升华？还是大痛大苦之后的麻木？
时间已被我战败，悄悄滑向另一个刻度。
我只有胜利者的迷漫，悔恨自己掉入时间的圈套，且无法自拔。
那首无韵无声的歌又低低的传来，将我团团围住，由我耳，我鼻，我口，我眼闯入我的体内，每个细胞都被充斥，挤压着我，逼迫着我。
我无助无奈的悲哀着。
我不知道手里握着什么样的主题，只知道我唯一拥有的这一空间，这段黑暗，这分宁静将被打破，被分享，被侵占。不久我将全面崩溃，献出物质和精神的一切。于是趁着黑夜，我尽情的挥霍着自由，拼命翻动思想，把自己晾晒在明丽的月光下。
也许，明月中有一个手舞足蹈的倒影，那是我。
它以一种完全相反的状态来理解我。
我明白。
Sunday, April 25, 2004
HAHA!! went to FUTH's house yesterday with xiya (but din c RUTH :D:D..where was she huh futh? :D:D) btw..RLY NOT FAR leh..walked for dono how long loh! but oh wells..:) dono WHO say his HOUSE not very big..but u c..for those normal bunlgows, u can c the house b4 u in front of the dua gate rite? but NO LOH! we have to walk straight for quite a distance after passing the gate lah..den u ll c this small pond...den u gotta turn...den walk for another distance DEN can c his house~~-_-lll...haha..b4 tt xiya actually asked futh who actually take care of the plants lah..coz got a lot of flowers on the fence n along the sides of his "garden"..but futh say it's his GARDENER(note: gardener does not refer to his mom or maid :D)..wahbiang eh~ me n xiya rly is not @_@...
ok..continuation of the fun exploration..heehee..as we li jing chang sang lai dao n step into his not-very-BIG house..there's this rather posh room to the left..design rly is not like those baroque type lah..i tot it's like de master bed room or wad...but was thinking HEY~ rly got master bed room at this 'strategic' location ley..haha...den futh enlightened us tt---it's the KE4 FANG2! yuzhe n xiya *fainted*..haha...what it this!! the ke fang is even bigger den MY ROOM!! T_T..haha..but heng he nv say it's the MAID's room..:P hahahha...OH! by the way..there's a small golf court(?) n a table tennis table at his door too if i fail to mention..:P AIYAH~ yall get wat i mean lah...
ORH!!! quite a no of shou huo in futh's house :) saw the tchs graduation fotos n mag..WAHAHAHAHAHA...very entertaining n amusing!!:D..had a fun (n pekchey) time trying to locate all the tchs pple tt we noe( or at least got c b4 ones) in the oh-so-big sec 4 grp foto...hahaha...justin is the first one spotted..coz of his contrasting skin colour~:P heehee..realized gan zhi wei even kena ostro when there's so many ppe loh...hahahahahh Oops..but guess everyone look pretty much the same lah..no stunning surprises.(ok fei hua).heehee..but EH~ is the sch biased or wad?! how come all those muggers n gepers all stand in front?? pple like jiang jian zi..n boxing n blah..bleah~ ....but had a good time scheming~~~HAHA...Oops :P...OHOH!! but den we cant spot futh n kenneth!! haha..there seemed to be a lot kenneth-look-alike pple leh~~ den in the grad mag me n xiya saw this person tt look damn like him lah...n we went "this one must be him" den futh went "......TT'S ME!!THX LEY"...hahahahah...but seriously in tt foto dey look alike..hahah...but -shH- betta don let kenneth noe this..:X
haha..fun time at futh's house..nxt time must go his house play~^^V..
