i'm SO SO SO BORED AT HOME....nothing to do but wait for the results...now i can understand PERFECTLY why tian choose to fly back to china instead of staying in singapore and wait for me n chyi the other time.. ok...just to inform yall..my luggage is BACK! yes... i was kinda taken aback when nengduan's mom asked me how's my luggage going yesterday~~haha...news spread at lightning speed indeed... i guess many in beida would have know tt by now..hahah! ( tt reminds me of the need to pass xuehui SSA's polo Ts as ORDERED by linlin~~haha:P) ORH yes..btw...THX A LOT tian for all the stuff you've done for us! we were like parasites!( literaly) i miss all the TV marathons( i wana watch qin wang li shi ming!!T__T) ..late night toks till 2 am~~~...han2 guo2 kao3 ruo4( where after eating.. one would think that seoul garden deserves to close down)..yanbing's extremely posh apartment..wenbin and jun yuan's exiting account of their North Korea trip and the yang ruo chuan sessions!!! ( not to forget the memorable exams where we can see cute koreans and Jps:D)...i dono.. it has been a long time since i last felt like this... maybe it just offers the kind of warm and cozy feeling among ppl tt i've long forgotten in hc.. ppl who are already anticipating your arrival..ppl who cant wait to meet you.. ppl who are so easy to get along with..ppl who are so willing to open their hearts and accept you.. ppl who are so anxious to offer their advices and assistence.. it's a totally new experience for me.. and i love the ppl there.. the little cozy singaporean community they value and the whole bunch of international frens they have.. you know.. i'm so afraid of studying in singapore.. i cant imagine having to face the same ppl and situation in Uni.. i cant imagine facing everyone's desperate insecurity urge to form cliches.. i cant bear the thought of having to face immatured freshmen at the Uni stage.. i cant imagine having no one who can understand, share n accept my tots.. i'm so afraid.. it's as crule as giving a poor begger a taste of luxury and snatching everything away from him again..

it's time for me to leave.. leave this place...leave my family to find my own world..yes..i wana leave my family.. i love them..but i wana leave.. it's time for us to part( on a short time basis)..i prefer missing them than facing them..for once..let me lead a live tt i want..i'm so tired of living for them..pls give me a break before i have to live for my very own family... they would say i'm cruel..
i admit and i never regard myself as kind.

but perhaps i just have to give in... i hate this... i just have to..