lucifer by glen duncan-- how it's like to be The Devil, Lucifer himself.
it's interesting, laced with dark thoughts, something to feed the darkness i feel. it almost borders on blasphemous, me thinks, but it's insightful. "Temptation's less about wearing someone down with repitition than it is about finding the right phrase and dropping it at the right time." how amazingly true- i couldn't have put it any better myself. choice- the one thing that can redeem and at the same time, doom us. forgive my lack of eloquence- basically, that's one of the themes of the book. we are defined by the choices we make.
..the ideas, the theories, the Bible rewritten in what might be the other side of the story.. it's captivating and yet it makes me question, makes me wonder.

i felt sad after finished it, lucifer. what's heaven like? in the book, Lucifer's fall from grace resulted because he wanted to live in a world without God as its center. (this is by no means accurate, but a variation of possible truth) his price for freedom, in the book, was eternal damnation. thing is, heaven is a wonderful place right? there's no sickness, no guilt, no sinners- we are redeemed by the ultimate act of salvation. but our whole life in heaven is supposed to be dedicated to glorifying God. there is no freedom, in that sense- we can't do what we want for ourselves, no selfish needs. where does that leave us then? eternity serving God and doing nothing else sounds... long. sometimes i wonder if i have it in me because i am so selfish, because i am so human.