lucifer by glen duncan-- how it's like to be The Devil, Lucifer himself.
it's interesting, laced with dark thoughts, something to feed the darkness i feel. it almost borders on blasphemous, me thinks, but it's insightful. "Temptation's less about wearing someone down with repitition than it is about finding the right phrase and dropping it at the right time." how amazingly true- i couldn't have put it any better myself. choice- the one thing that can redeem and at the same time, doom us. forgive my lack of eloquence- basically, that's one of the themes of the book. we are defined by the choices we make.
..the ideas, the theories, the Bible rewritten in what might be the other side of the story.. it's captivating and yet it makes me question, makes me wonder.

i felt sad after finished it, lucifer. what's heaven like? in the book, Lucifer's fall from grace resulted because he wanted to live in a world without God as its center. (this is by no means accurate, but a variation of possible truth) his price for freedom, in the book, was eternal damnation. thing is, heaven is a wonderful place right? there's no sickness, no guilt, no sinners- we are redeemed by the ultimate act of salvation. but our whole life in heaven is supposed to be dedicated to glorifying God. there is no freedom, in that sense- we can't do what we want for ourselves, no selfish needs. where does that leave us then? eternity serving God and doing nothing else sounds... long. sometimes i wonder if i have it in me because i am so selfish, because i am so human.

because of the exams i'm going through one of these gawd-i-wish-i-were-on-vacation-moments argh.

i want to go to MoMA [the Museum of Modern Art], screw the MET. this place has the most fantastic collection of modern art! you know all the paintings that you've ever been learning bout in art classes? they've got 'em all. i could literally put my nose up against every pointalism painting they had. Did i mention they had at least 8 seurats?

and stary night, despite its cliches (being a van gogh, being a van gogh on every damn calender, having bad songs sung about it)surprisingly manages to take your breath away.

pay my respects to picasso.
i want to buy his "3 Musicians" and the " night cafe" should I ever have roughly an infinite amount of money in loose change/ oh and "the painting that changed art history forever"...at least according to some people, a painting of crudely drawn naked prostitutes (:

i still like it though, there's a je ne sais quoi to it.
it's quirky of course there was Warhol and every single lovely campbell's soup can ever printed and monroe who we all loveMatisse - minus the snail which is in the Tate Modern, always sublimeMarcel Duchamp and the Wheel on a Stool, personal favourite/best title given to a piece of work "Stare through the crack with one eye closed for an hour"all the surrealists. totally surreal, totally dreamlike and at the same time all too realistic for a painting.. my favourite italian futurists (: all in one building at that chagal!

and of course the only 2 American men I can actually stand as artists Rothko and Barnet-Newman. Warhol is international property :Pand Pollock. i love Pollock. could i love anyone more than i love Pollock?(well, yes)

but heck, i love Pollock. Pollock = Greatest inspiration. Much love to Pollock.hell, you can say it's just a splatter. but when you see these splatters on that massive scale,you kinda take a step back and go "wow."

Upon second watching( from unspeakable sources), I have decided that the familifying of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory wasn't as sacrilegious as I had previously thought, and I enjoyed it immensely after that. (ok..so wat am i doing admist the preparations for exam? oh the pt is, did i ever embark on that sacred mission anyway?)

watched it with my little bro. seeing it with him, as nice as it was to see him [note my use of a quantifier!], diminished the johnny depp gawking experience. i heart johnny. though, i do believe i prefered him more in pirates simply because he looked less like michael jackson and well, more like a man. i mean, i like androgeny, i just wouldn't like to fuck it. it's like how some articles of clothing are just meant to be appreciated and not worn. it was totally unlike how i imagined the book to be [except for the edible grass bit, which was scarily spot on] but i loved it! first time that happened too, i mean usually if you really like a book, when a movie doesn't conform to your point of view you end up hating it, but this one was cool. complete acid trip. which is why i heart tim burton as well. it had his stamp all over it, all the houses/buildings were like transplanted from the nightmare before christmas set. the best bits were the really trippy ones, with all the references to 5th Dimension (Good Morning Starshine), The Beatles and St.Pepper...Didn't particularly like the back story, or the hallmark approved ending. Dahl was never big on that type of gig anyway. And was it just me? but did charlie merely win because everyone was an utter arse? And [this is an afterthought] i didn't quite like Johnny as Willy Wonka [*gasp* blasphemy!]..yeah he made the character his own but that's precisely what was so wrong (?) with it. then again, i've got my own preconcieved notions of how the book should be interpreted and johnny's portrayal just doesn't fit in with my worldview.


BUT, it occured to me that despite the trippy quality of the film, it was, at its basis, a children's film. I asked the my kid brother what he thought of it and he said he enjoyed it, and when it comes down to it, that's all that matters - that kids enjoy it. That's always been what Charlie's about, making children happy. So as much as purists and almost adults who grew up reading and loving Charlie go "WTF WONKA HELLO?", the most important people are the children watching it now. While being admittedly kind of trippy, it achieved that, so it fulfilled it cause.

someone just sent this to me, it's kinda cool so have a read

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.I

am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.I

am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

post this if you believe homophobia is wrongso... the last one's a little cheesy, but we'll live.