A 4-year-old toddler that my mom always saw at the playground in front of my block died just now.. when I woke up today, the doctors were still trying to save him.. what I heard from my mom was that he fell into a pool in a condo while trying to find his dad(who just returned from overseas) in an attempt to show him a piece of drawing he had drew in nursery that day. This happened 4 days ago. Yes he had been in the ER for 4 days. I have never seen him before because my mom is of very distant relationship with his mom..but somehow my eyes were immersed in tears when I heard about his death..i cant imagine how his parents survived the horrible 4 days, praying and praying for a miracle that proved to be impossible..perhaps they have been expecting the worst, but who has the heart to face it? And now their last desperate hope is crashed. ='( I dare not imagine how my parents would feel should an incident of such happen on me or my brother.. the thought of it makes it unbearably sorrowful. I'm crying over the loss of such an innocent fine boy...I'm crying for his parents.. I'm crying because a wave of vulnerability washed over me. death is of such close proximity to us..what if that day..the boy that death was eyeing was my brother? i guess why it hits me so badly is because death is alien to me..at least to my life..you see it everyday in newspapers and on TV, but you cant relate to those deaths. but it's a totally different thing when it happened just next to you..any time there is a tragedy, a sudden unexpected death I am once again reminded that life is so fragile, so unpredictable. we think that we have control and we have the answers. we think that we've got it all figured out, but..in reality..there is a much higher and bigger force. and that's God's plan, not ours that matters. It reminds me to focus on the present, to let the hurts and disappointments of the past slip away, and let go of the concerns and fears of the future because we don't have forever and nothing is permanent..because nobody knows if they'll get home tonight.

Right now, all I want to do is to give my family a big hug and tell them "mom, dad and silly brother, I really really love you."