“不知道从什么时候开始，我竟然忘了如何笑了。”

“然后呢?”

“于是，我在镜子前不停练习。可是镜子里的那张脸却还是目无表情。”

“也许你只是忘了什么是快乐。”

有時候，会无意之间弄丢一些重要的东西。有時候，丟掉了才发现其实那是无比重要。因此，我們害怕。我們刻意把重要和不重要的东西都保存着，养成了收藏癖、变成了收集狂。然而，最后却发现空间塞满的，其实全是不重要的東西。

重要的。。总在別处

“放我走好吗？”

“怎么了？”

“我只是累了”

“连他们也要放手吗？”

“这是一种足以鼓足勇气放弃一切的疲倦。”

其实真的很想悄悄地消失。
然后变成什么都不是。
没有名字。没有身份。没有过去。没有牵挂。

没有语言。

I'm so sick of:

checking emails
handphone ringing
going online

now. They just spell endless of troubles.

I'm so tired.
Tmr's CNY eve.
And i'm so so tired.

SO WHEN'S MY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVER GOING TO COME?!?

2 Quizzes, 2 Group Reports, 1 Strategic Decision Making, 1 Group IT Assignment.
Whoever says Acc modules are slack deserves a slap.

Living is a chore.
Chocolates. I need you to destress.

"一切都会过去的.."

这句话是那么地残忍和温柔

而我们只是在等心情刚好用完的时候

早上十点 双层巴士
在邂逅站牌后 迂回转折地
透露机场那 耿耿于怀的心事
到底天长地久 是什么意思

下午 中环地铁 扶梯每隔几秒
就换来节拍鲜明的 脚步
踏着各自人生的旅途
我们瞬间的交叉 只是巧合的过路

旺角的 人行道 有香港的味道
铜锣湾有个 家酒鲜海彩好
庙街的 125层的酥皮蛋挞
知道真的不是在开玩笑
那么玉街何时成为 景点之一
心知肚明又莫名其妙

倒数过后 只有兰桂芳的霓虹知道
街角暗巷的啤酒罐又在 哭诉
没有人听它被玻璃杯抛弃的故事
和酒客 满腹的心事

好累了 一瓶啤酒下肚
疲倦的眼皮垂钓着 夜色中的九龙半岛
醉了 醉倒在
一整夜的 香港情调

青铜古镜

就算那些历史都灰飞烟灭，连我们所处的时空也已经沧海桑田般地消失不见，你送的青铜古镜怎么又满面尘埃地回到人间，陪着我轮回再轮回。轻拂着它，恍如隔世的那段悲痛欲绝的离别，我调整着千年的时差，隐隐作痛。

为何要招惹来一段因该被遗忘的纠缠不清？令我从此惦记着未了的心愿，沉醉在半梦半醒之间，用宿醉的目光遥望脑海里从此怎么也抹不去的长安。梦中的我，带着前世的记忆，缓缓穿过屋前的竹林，推开水晶垂帘，看见那面被擦拭得耀眼夺目的青铜古镜，在月光下，正倒映出女人眉宇间一股挥之不去、只有我一个人才懂的，悲伤。

对不起，让你发现了

有些记忆本来应该被封印着，不能碰，一碰就是一次锤心的疼痛。
可是偏偏很自虐。总忍不住再做一次回首，寻找曾经的彷徨凄楚。

原来。。不容易陷入，所以也更不容易忘怀。

一直相信生命的真谛，不在表层，而在内心最幽微的地方。所以我天生带着黑暗来保护自己。
你却愿意在那里努力地找到我。所以我珍惜，真得很珍惜。

请谅解我的沉默，原谅我的分心。latte 不淡，只是我的习惯。习惯了自己默默地疗伤，默默地再寻回自己。

最近一直喝酒。因为只有理智散乱了，眼泪才能得到释放。
有止痛药吗？我真的很需要。

序

正是暮春三月。

苏堤岸百花争艳，芬芳袭人。在这繁花烟柳，苏堤春晓的辰光，西湖上自是有另一番景致。

烟水迷茫。碧波轻荡。西湖中停着一艘雕工精致的船。轻薄透明彩纱在风中飞扬，水晶垂帘被微风吹得不停地触击着，与船中女人们银铃般的笑声融合在一起，极为清脆悦耳。原来，里面也是一片花团锦簇，香气逼人。偶然几艘慕名而来得船只只能从垂帘中隐约寻得四位丽人的倩影--因袭唐代之旧，皆身着丝罗轻纱，体态轻盈。

只见一个身着玫瑰色绸缎的少女说道“姐姐，你今天的装扮真好看。”声线甜美清脆，面目清秀可人，娇小惹人怜爱。
腰带佩着一个玉环，一身素白的女子，冷艳地浅笑，气定神闲，目下无尘。
“难得姐妹们今儿个有游湖的兴致，其能辜负这西湖美景，自是得好好梳妆一番。”面容华贵，眼如水杏，秀外慧中，白皙的脖子上挂着一串雍容夺目的珍珠链子，身披一套石青裙摆的丽人笑道。
“可不是吗”看着周遭入神的黄衣姑娘搭腔，一脸不拘小节，开朗大方，声线微带嗲气，自有一番韵味。
“不过这些搭讪的公子哥儿真是令人不厌其烦。”玫瑰色的少女脸色微带不谑。
“只恨女子生来心眼浅，平白便点缀了众生，抬举了男人。”白衣女子冷冷道。

这一幕，初到杭州游湖段少尽收眼底。好个美景佳人，闲情雅致！
“这画船上的四位佳人乃是哪家的大家闺秀？李兄可否为之引见？”
同游的乐师李隐弦乃是江南享有盛名的名乐师，江南一带的名门望族无不争相邀入府弹奏一曲。

“这几位姑娘来头可不小，乃是虚香苑的江南四大名妓。风流美艳，聪慧灵秀，性格迥异，却亲如姐妹。身陷青楼，却洁身自爱，宁死决不委身于他人。如此才情却流落这花柳之地，也算是可怜人。”

段少听闻也只得一叹“红粉朱楼春色阑，到头来，依旧是风尘肮脏违心愿。可叹这世间的奇女子，无论长得多美丽，前途多灿烂，要不成了皇后，要不成的名妓，要不成了一个才气横溢的诗人。。她们的一生都不会太快乐。不比一个平凡女子；只成了人妻，去不必承担命运上的坎坷与凄艳的煎熬。。”

-续

《前缘》

如果真的有所谓的前世今生，那么，我们前世曾经是什么？
在那古老的江南秦淮，也许也曾有过同样的故事。那画船上抚琴的女子也在断肠吗？ 还是说，今夜的我，就是那个女子。就是几千年来弹着古琴等待着的那一颗悲伤的心。就是在莺花烂漫时蹉跎着，落着泪，等待着失散的姐妹们、等待着下辈子能遇上今生无缘却深爱的人的，那同一个人。

因此，如果今生再相逢，也许会觉得有些前缘未尽，却又如此恍惚，无法仔细地去分辨，无法一一地点说出。

姐妹们重逢了。而你呢？
又或许，你从来就不在乎。

很想写一封信 寄给过去
那年窗外的夏天 下着 秋天的雨
残留着寂寞的味道 是你 执意的漂茫
带不走的 透明心凉

昨天哭湿的心情
晾干之后
今天变得些许残黄

斑黄的痕迹是为了
纪念昨天的伤痛
直到
思念
过世

她站在阴暗的角落，双眼凝视着镜子里的那个人。就这么凝视着。。晶莹的泪珠滑落她的脸颊。她掩面哭了起来，好想拥那个人入怀。

可是，从黑暗中，她看进那人的双眼里，那里比南极更冰冷，比沙漠更荒凉。
于是，在自己的怀里颤抖了一夜。

http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/

My Complete Personal Profile:

You are a very sensitive person and you try hard (perhaps a little too hard) to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers. But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired and you are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. Stop trying so hard.

You are feeling very vulnerable at this time. Nothing seems to be going in the right direction - business wise, private-life wise, everything. You need some emotional security and an environment which could possibly provide fewer problems, but the way you are feeling you can't be bothered even to make the effort.

You have a high opinion of yourself. It is perhaps because of this self-centredness that you become exasperated when you feel that your needs are misinterpreted by those around you. When this happens - and it does quite often - you feel that there is no-one that can understand the way you feel and it is because of this egocentric self that you are quick to take offence.

It is said that we are all influenced by our environment and indeed you are no exception. It would seem at this time that even though you may be surrounded by people, you are experiencing an inner loneliness. Fortunately you are sufficiently strong minded to realise that life has a great deal to offer you and that you may miss your share of experiences if you fail to make the best use of every opportunity. You therefore pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity and are prepared to commit yourself deeply and readily. You believe that whatever you would like to do or think 'you can do' - you do! It is because of this attitude that you may be considered by others as arrogant and even conceited, but its fair to say that whatever it is that you really want out of life you will put your heart and soul into it and will not take 'NO' for an answer.

You are afraid that you may not be able to realise or achieve your hopes and desires and so you insist that people should accept you as you are and appreciate your rights to anything that you aspire to.

Try isnt it Mabel?

有才华又带有书卷气的男生真的好迷人
原来，我是这么容易被小提琴和钢琴收买的。算了，
期待，也是一种伤害。
我才没有那种令人羡慕的运气。。

我的泪 还在湖畔 蒸发
憔悴 东篱
冷烟寒雨泣下
你的萧声 从此 化成惆怅
谁在落花中 终日
凝眸 断肠

花落 满地伤 如何耐得 永夜
明月 空床
衣上 诗字间 酒痕肆放
点点 行行
总是无限 凄凉

残花 落叶 从此把我埋葬
埋葬在湖畔 你的倒影身旁
某年某日
你无意再次路过
满地落花
都是我的 悲伤

玫瑰的刺究竟有什么用？用来防御猛兽吗？
还是这世上任何过分美丽的东西，都要拒人千里呢？
假如你已经找到你的玫瑰，你就会像夜鶯一样，为了她的绝色，而让自己流尽了血，死在她的身旁，在她的鲜红影子里面，沉沉睡去。午夜的冷空气里仿佛还回响着刚才你声嘶力竭的歌声。她却只陶醉在自己的美，什么也听不见。

好久好久没有这种清幽的心情了。。竟然没有睡意，一页一页地欣赏着席慕容的诗。。好美、好动人的诗。。心上的重担卸落一地。。生命原来就是要不断地受伤和不断地复原。。世界仍然是一个温柔的诗人。。时间这样宁静、空气这样清新。。生活原来可以这么的安宁和。。。美丽。

当你沉默地离去
说过的 或没说过的话
都已忘记
我将我的哭泣也夹在
我们那时的那朵玫瑰里

也许会在多年后的
一个黄昏里
从偶然翻开的一页页的日记中落下
没有芳香 再无声息

窗外那时 也许
会正落着细细的细细的
雨

i am very caught up with the elections for Student Union for the past week( and this week as well). So didnt really have much time or the mood to blog.. =( in any case it's gonna be over soon. whether i'm gonna get elected(it's IMPT that i get elected of course!!), i'm quite glad that i went thru all the sucky process of the election champaigning and rallying itself..learnt many things..learnt that that the world is cruel..it's not abt avoiding sacrifices(other ppl, say your opponentS) anymore..it's abt how to MINIMISE the blow...coz such things are just just unavoidable, unless you are really selfless and quit the game. but well..i might not get elected coz stiff competition this year..but nevertheless one must fight on and have confidence in oneself.yeah.=)

in any case. all NBS guys and gals (if you are not from NBS have nbs frens also can)please please VOTE for yuzhe for the post of Union Representative in NBS election this thursday! thank you. =)

A 4-year-old toddler that my mom always saw at the playground in front of my block died just now.. when I woke up today, the doctors were still trying to save him.. what I heard from my mom was that he fell into a pool in a condo while trying to find his dad(who just returned from overseas) in an attempt to show him a piece of drawing he had drew in nursery that day. This happened 4 days ago. Yes he had been in the ER for 4 days. I have never seen him before because my mom is of very distant relationship with his mom..but somehow my eyes were immersed in tears when I heard about his death..i cant imagine how his parents survived the horrible 4 days, praying and praying for a miracle that proved to be impossible..perhaps they have been expecting the worst, but who has the heart to face it? And now their last desperate hope is crashed. ='( I dare not imagine how my parents would feel should an incident of such happen on me or my brother.. the thought of it makes it unbearably sorrowful. I'm crying over the loss of such an innocent fine boy...I'm crying for his parents.. I'm crying because a wave of vulnerability washed over me. death is of such close proximity to us..what if that day..the boy that death was eyeing was my brother? i guess why it hits me so badly is because death is alien to me..at least to my life..you see it everyday in newspapers and on TV, but you cant relate to those deaths. but it's a totally different thing when it happened just next to you..any time there is a tragedy, a sudden unexpected death I am once again reminded that life is so fragile, so unpredictable. we think that we have control and we have the answers. we think that we've got it all figured out, but..in reality..there is a much higher and bigger force. and that's God's plan, not ours that matters. It reminds me to focus on the present, to let the hurts and disappointments of the past slip away, and let go of the concerns and fears of the future because we don't have forever and nothing is permanent..because nobody knows if they'll get home tonight.

Right now, all I want to do is to give my family a big hug and tell them "mom, dad and silly brother, I really really love you."

我真是一个舍不得忘记的人。。。突然间领悟到我的每首诗、每幅画、每张相片并不是在经营艺术。我好像怕那些东西消失了，我要写下的、画下、拍下的其实是时间。。不知道从什么时候开始，我已经不再写流水账私的日记了，换成了秘密的模糊的文字，在一页页的稿纸上写着谁都不知道的语句。也许太想触碰到一些永恒的东西，又知道这不切实际。。我不顾一切地封闭自己。逃避已经变成一种本能的反应。因为我害怕，害怕背后的诚意在时间里消磨，逃不出时间。于是自己给自己的枷锁锁了好久。。久到忘了钥匙放在哪儿了。于是。。自己老是这样孤独又这样拥挤。。

okie it seems that lots of silly incidents are happening around me( unfortuately INVOLVING me as well-_-).

1) I took 1.5 hr travelling all the way down to NTU to realize that no one's in class today. rocks. okie. the pt is there seemed to be omens telling me NOT to go school today. but well, i was ignorant. first and foremost, i missed 174 right before me and waited a blardie 30 mins for it ( first omen telling me that i'm gonna be 1/2 hr late for class so i shd just give up). well, i was innocently STUDIOUS and decided to continue my journey to sch after some internal struggle. And coincidentally missed 179 too( 2nd omen). urg. but i was already at JP. and the bus was SO slow that i thought momentarily that i was in bangkok. ( 3rd omen) While brisk walking to the classroom, met shengjie and benedict on the way asking for directions to popular. (4th omen telling me not to go for the class). by this time i'm already 30 mins late. BUT i still insisted on going to the class. AND TATA! no one's there. not even the teacher( find "not even a single soul" unappropriate now..HAHA..) and not to forget getting bullied by shengjie and benedict for their OWN disability to find POPULAR =P. but it's stupid. so stupid. spend 1.5 hrs for NOTHING.

2) okie. decided to do something meaningful in sch to console myself( that the trip was not at all a waste of time) and was lucky to meet claire in popular. so we went to look for the golf club that we have been searching for since yesterday( but couldnt find). Guess wat. This dragon boat guy stopped us as we were walking past his booth and kept on coaxing us to go for their trial session this sat. below is the conversation:

X( the guy): hey!

claire and I: huh? yea?

X: you guys wana join DRAGON BOAT?

claire and I: (momentarily stunned) WHAT?!

X: yah! it's a very fun cca. you guys wana come to our trial session this coming sat?

claire: (wanting to laugh) erms..you mean us? as in the two of us? err i dont think we err..look..er..that erm.sporty.

X: orh it's okie! acutally anyone can join you know? and DONT worry (i'm not worrying -_-lll)it's FREE. and there will be suttle bus to send you to kallang( my goodness!). *enthu enthu*

claire and I: errrrr...(thinking that's not the point but was unwilling to be a wet blanket looking at his enthusiasim)

X: (very enthusiaticly) here's the flyer and this is the paper and pen. (taking for granted that we are putting our names down.) i really hope to see you guys there on sat. *flashing big smilie face*

me: err i'm really sorry but we have something on on this comings. (though it sounds like an excuse, but it is nevertheless the truth--> i have DnD on sat but not as if i ll go if there were none)

X: (very disappointed look) oh.... okie okie..i see...really cannot arh?..nevermind...

claire and I were thinking: we are so sorry but 1) it's a sheer mistake to look for us in the first place! 2) you didnt give us a chance to refuse you right from the start. 3)the disappointed look is seriously needed..

3) claire parked her car at a very secluded car park at CEE and got into an equally secluded lift. (destination: Cant A) we have no idea how to arrive at the corridor linking North and South Spine. So we consulted this man.

claire and I: excuse me. how can we get from this place to cant a?
man: hmmm...are you year ONEs?
claire and I :(embarrassed) errr..no..we are.......year 2s..

man: orh. from CEE?

claire and I: (thinking: do we look like?!) erm no..we are from business.

man: orh! wha..that's a world apart.

claire and I: (exchange glances thinking: that serious?)

man: you gals just follow me.

after the man disappeared ( boring part skipped)

claire to me: actually...we should have lied that we were freshmen. i think he might think that we were bimbos not knowing our way when we are already..err year 2s?!!

me to claire: oh darn! We were just too honest! urg that's so embarrassing!

and he happens to be a prof..haha..but still...DO I LOOK LIKE CEE GIRLS?! *feeling a little offended* haha! kidding! :P