chyi just called me...she sounded SO tired..:S..hope she ll survive her work...n i realized i'm missing lots of ppl...or rather..i'm missing sch badly..i could no longer take it for granted tt i would be able to *hug* chyi n baobei..niao kan:D and laugh at jingshi everyday like i used to be..and toking cock with ppl like biao when i see them...haiZ...really hope i can c you guys more often:)..and yes..i might be going to rgs to teach...i dono whether i'm making a correct choice..but i know i see no point in doing my current job for the next few mths when the ppl there are most prob. quiting.. they are the driving force for me to work..i was pretty doubtful at first too..but but but...i dono...it seems to be like..even god knows i'm deperate for money...there have been opportunities falling from the sky these days... from the 1st job tt i was admitted to which offers me $1200..to the Times Mag. calling me asking me to do full time sales job with $1400 and right now tiger's rgs relief teach...i had rejected so many of them.. yes...i know i'm dumb...but when tiger's msg reached me..i couldn't help but wonder are these offers from god or wat...it's really a "the whole world conspires to help you achieve it"kind of feel...n i since then..i don c the pt of me rejecting...i know i might sound dumb..but i just got this instinct tt i shouldn't let another chance just slip by my toes AGAIN...:S...haiZ..it's never easy to choose.....

hEy yOhz~~ wah...today i peel grapefruit peel until i -_-...a whole BOX ok!!!finally understood Syl's tong ku job...:P..hahaha..really is cannot c an end to it liddat..haha..but qutie slack las..no need to think one..just keep on doing..den slack slack den c hua jie den gek concentrating:P..haha! but the Chen Shi Fu very nice..use his phone to play songs for me :)..den his phone got record Hao Xin Fen Shou...haha..the ONLY canto song i knew in his phone..den he KEPT on playing it coz he knew i kind of like it:)heehee...and yes..hua jie is getting nicer oso..haha..so i shall not bitch tooo much abt her las...but it's also coz i can sort of understand wat she's saying..her instructions are never easy to understand...:S..haha..but i like to serve Japanese!! coz they are SUper nice...super POLITE!! making you feel really appreciated! haha..not like some NIAO women who don even know how to smile and say THANK YOU~~:S..those JP arh~~ everytime oso "arigato"..until dono who's the waitress liddat~~~:P..those angmohs oso quite nice:)..except for some..hahah...yit jing dio this SUPER disgusting angmoh on the first day of his work( his first customer somemore..haha!) he got a FEIRCE KBing fr tt angmoh coz some of the things tt he ordered were not avaliable(don have is HIS fault les..dots los..)...very poor thing...haha..and ever sicne then..whenever he sees some angmoh..den he ll whisper to me "eh..angmoh phobia.."hahahah! and i observed tt whenever i ask/say something to syl...he ll always start his first sentence with "bu dong leh.."hahaha!

anyway..thx tiger a lot les!!!! help me n mel settle our BEI DA application thingy~~ãnd treated us to lunch!!! :)...but actually is coz ying yi they all came back..so we went to lunch together n tiger SHUN BIAN treated us~~hahaha...thai ice tea n tom yam n chicken wing!!^^V...tt's my nicest lunch for nearly 2 wks!!!:)..but anyway i think i must have been looking really POOR~~~...keep on skipping lunches n dinners..coz don wan to waste time eat...haiZ...all for my beida...earning my OWN allowance in beijing watZ...sometimes..i ponder...y the hell am i tiring myself out just to go overseas to study? i mean...if i choose to stay in spore..den i don have to skip dinners to earn more..don have to give tuitions de very next morning after knocking off at 10 plus 11pm the night before and chiong to work again after the tuition..and still trying to find MORE tuitions...and i have to study for the entrance exam starting from next yr...i really dono how am i suppose to guggle btw all these...don even feel like thinking abt it..:S..but well...i know what i'm doing.. i know i'm the one who choosed this path....i just have to bear with it...haiz..

but oh wells...i gtg to mark this chi essay written by my student...very diff to mark..coz super broken chi...her tuition tmr morning...somemore gotta work fr 1 30 to 11 30pm..hope i won drop dead...hahhas...:P..anyway..ppl~~~if yall got some hao jie shao for tuition....tell me ok!!:) thx thx!

yes.i'm finally updating about my happening life~~~hahaha...i really love the ppl there!!! hahaha...well..they are(pls refer to xiya's blog) really VERY funny!..hahaha..damn helpful:)..haha..we are pretty close las:)..coz..haha..6 ppl only..how distant can you get? :P..i like to tease syl a lot( for your info xiya..he's called EDWIN..but who cares~~~i'm called "hwa chong"okieZ..hahah)..well...how funny they are....have to tell yall in person~~hahah!! it's going to be damn long if i list them down...:P

oh wells...now to de BITCHING n KBing part....there's this woman..darn irritating..making me feel like slapping her...talking to her makes me feel like HELL...ok..not TT bad..but usually..COZ she's DARN disorganized n like to put the blame on OTHERS..it's like...till now..we STILL don have a fixed time of work..it's like..i'm part time las..but i worked MORE than full timers la~~wat de hell!..i tot part timers shd have more freedom..ok..tt's not the main pt...the pt is...she's DAMN clever to open the shop at 5pm(well the rest have to report on 6...so you tot the shop ll open at 6 or slightly after right?) on Xmas Eve..when there's only me n xiya dere(well syl was washing plates n cutting fruits)...HELLO?!?!?! there are 18 tables!! n one of us has to be the cashier...so i was one left (plus tt woman) to handle the sudden gush of tables of PPL~~~...i felt GOOD les..when that was my FIRST time doing...she's the woman with the LEAST amt of BRAIN i've ever seen~~~-_-..hello...not as if she din expect a lot of ppl..

den...tt's still not TT bad...she's disorganized..fine...cant blame her las...limtied brain cell wat to do...but she's always SCOLDING ppl for NO reason?! or scolding ppl for HER mistakes...thx! like...she's kangjiong abt the orders..coz she cant handle them...but she kept blaming us for NOT being able to handle...ok fine...i admit tt we were a little confused too..but hey~~~she was scolding us for taking down some orders which are still not available....ok...if she had told us EARLIER tt those stuff were not available..den it would be OUR fault..but she DIN!! the day before she as still saying those things ARE available...hello?! yes les...our fault les~~~-_-...tt's not the end...when she saw our orders wrongly....it's OUR fault too...i took down this order: E11) a very nice E)...n basically she tot it was F11...n of course...gave the wrong product to the customer...n den..she started to blame ME..."刚才你明明写的是F!"..OK FINE..my FAULT...i went over and CHANGED it so tt i can get a scolding from you can? !@#$%~

she told us before tt custormers are ALWAYS right...NV to agitate customers...n yes...shé is such a FABULOUS eg. tt i don think i can ever manage to follow...there's this gang of guys...waiting for their mango pudding( they had waited for really long) n was like asking me wat's going on...so i went to the bar trying to help them check the orders...but tt blardie woman just PUSHED me away fr the bar when i told her "hua jie...table 9 still haven gotten their mango pudding yet"...n she went "don care abt them! i dono...don come n irritate me.. i'm busy!Go away!"...HELLO?!?! let's forget abt her rudeness first..but HELLO?! is this HOW you shd treat your customer?! and....how am i suppose to ans them? "sorry...my boss says DON CARE?"...so i was like telling them "sorry..it ll be here in a moment..really sorry..."...so i went 3 times to the bar trying to tell HER to tell the chief to make their mango pudding...n everytime she SHOOed me away...the guys were nice enough to me..coz i looked quite pathetic...guessed they saw me trying to help them but got rejected..so for the last time i went back to tell them...i had to admit "sorry....i'm not sure..coz the boss.."i din even finish my sentence n one of the guys..who was still smiling at me saying "ít's ok"suddenly turned really black n shot up fr his chair n chiong to tt woman...leaving me (T_T) ...nearly wanted to cry...but the other guys where like consoling...."don worry...it's ok...don be scared.."...i dono how wat happened later...but heard everything's settled.. heard fr derren that tt table( i think) even asked him whether we want them to write a complain letter( to complain her of course) or not....so...you get the pt...

n yes....she scolded me for things tt i din even know i'm not supposed to do so...like..i din know the order they look at the orders at the bar..so i was trying to squeeze one in a line when it was already full...n she DIN tell me not to do so..well...i guessed she prob scolded others for tt mistake of mine... but i wasnt there..n the 2nd i time i did tt...she roared at me.."i TOLD YOU NOT TO DO TT! Y CANT YOU LISTEN?!" i was like...since when did you tell me tt?!?!

i think she don like me..when xiya( the cashier) don have enough small change for customers....i rushed to the bar to helped her to tell tt woman abt it...xiya was quite kang jiong....coz EH~~~ tell me how you settle the bill like this?! so i was like.."hua jie...xiya don have change already. how?"n guess wat? she gave me a why- are-you-so-irritating look plus rolling her eyes at me n ignored me!..HEY?! TA MA DE! who are you to give me tt look?! who do you think you arh? a blardie old women who has NOTHING more then me other than experience?! n WAT ABT XIYA?!?! let her die there izzit? n the most infuriating thing is tt i told another guy to help me tell her...n she LISTENED. WAD THE heCK?!

wat angered me most wat her comment"i knew you young ppl have no brains"when she was muttering to herself..EH! if i'm considered NO brains...there must be something SERIOUSLY wrong with singapore's edu system then! we were all like trying to clean her ass...n she was neither grateful or appreciative....

she's the FIRST person tt i REALLY feel like bitching ok!...goodness! how she managed to be a manager?! ok...she's alright when she's not under stress...but the pt is...disorganized+cannot cope with stress=worst results...but well...it's ok...it's always OUR fault tt she's disorganized...-_-...i dono wat's wrong with her....she behaves like an lao chu nv...always agitated over nothing in particular.. super unreasonable MOST of the time...ahuh! i rmb today while she was arranging n fixing a table which was a little shaky ..i wanted to help her push the table to the side..coz i know she din realize tt putting tt table tt way was blocking tt way...but she was irritated again "y are you here? go away...cant you c i doing it?"( meaning...i don need you to help me..go away!)..i was like...ok fine...like i wan to help YOU...n sure enough..i found the table right in the middle blocking the way...wonder wat's her IQ..prob 0....EQ..well...negative....

haiZ...sorry...so much of kbing...you guys must be more interested in the better part...well...i would say...i really like my job...i wan to stay all coz of tt ppl ard me...if only she werent there....

heard tt she ll be going back to HK...good..cant wait to celebrate her leaving...haiZ...but thx to her...i learnt more abt tolerance..and everything..coping with such irritating supervisors...i had my share of experience...也算是一种成长吧。。i'm really quite amazed by myself not to fan1 lian3 with her YEt haha..given my huo3 bao4 character....:)

but i still have to say...i really wan to go back to tt place before she goes away...n DEMAND her to SERVE me...at the same time giving very NIAO orders with my LOUSIEST atttitude EVER....n make sure tt she's WRONG even if she's CORRECT...

but thx kan for coming twice:)...once alone...and once with da shao~~~hahahah:) but really is not left a lot of rubbish for me to clean! bleahZ~~~~ i was cursing while cleaning when i realized it was THEIR table~~~hahaha! eh...got Mcdonalds' somemore los! hahaah!

haha~~~~ yes...my collegues are nice ppl~:)..hahah...though i kind of got "bullied"by them..:) but they are really frenly:)...so plus xiya...there are supposed to be 6 of us:)..and they are ALREADY giving each of us nick names....and well...they are REALLY amazed by the fact tt i came fr HC..and my Os results( they kind of guessed i'm fr HC..ok las...i have the CHEENA face cans?! hahahah:D)

well...so this is how i got "teased" by them..haha..more of joking las:P:
1) when we had to loiter fr 1 to 4.... they were like asking me..SO WAT are you hobbies? READING n STUDYING arh?( thx~~~~ maybe i'm not slack in HC las...-_-)..when i gave the -_- face..they went...but those 8 pters in our sch always say their hobbies are reading studying n reading textbooks...i even more -_-

2) so wat do you do during free time? STUDY arh? ( again~~~hahaha!)

3) we going to play pool...you come with us las..Eh gotta ask they have have BOARDGAMES or not ...eh later arh..when 2 of us playing arh...the third one play MONOPOLY with you las..( the the other guy said) eh don lidadt las( like quite KE LIAN me...but later he went..) ..snake and ladder better ...~WAH THX LES!!! hahahaha....i was like...you all say somemore i KICK YOUR BUTT! hahaahh!

4) they think my name's too cheem n very hard to memo...so this guy call Daren n his fren started calling me "eh Hwa Chong"thx~~~again...-_-

5) when we were exchanging hp nos right...they wanted to use hwa chong as my nick...THX AGAIN~~den i OBJECT of course~~~~hahaahahha!!! then this guy...Daren's fren...cant rmb his name though he everytime "tease" me hahaha!...n he went..ok las...den you choose lah..either hwa chong..6 pter..or manager( another long story quite diff to explain..)..n i went -_-..hhaahah

but oh wells...today's pretty happening:)...went to lucky plaza watching them play pool~~~WAH SEH! they are qiang las!! esp the sylvester-look-alike Edwin~~i was like speechless...they must be REALLY good in angles n reflection thingy in physics~~~~hhaha...they asked me to try las..i really wan..hahhaah...they surely will puke blood..my ball can jump one...Oops...hahah

the HK "secret society lao da" i mentioned heehee... he's quite ncie to me...maybe ke lian me coz im the only gal mahs~~ hahahaha....but told you his guo yu limited...but we chicken tok with duck for quite long you know~~ hahaha..but couldn't get thru more den 5 sentences...i was like constantly going huh? HUH? huh? HUH? huh?!?!?!??! YOU means this this this arh? huH? no? den? that taht that arh? huh? still not? den?!?!!? hahaahaha....so he's trying VERY hard to say in GUO yu...which doens't sound like GUO yu at ALL...hahah...n i'm very painsteaking trying to figure out...though it's always wrong~~~hahahaha...:Psorry for the lousy grammer...lazy to change...

hmmm..going work in 1 hrs' time...atually havn start yet las... the rest. still under renovation..it ll officially be open on WED i heard:)..so i'm actually going for some sort of training..or rather lecture..-_-..well...i shdn't complain coz the ppl there are VERY nice..i mean..ít's a more personal kind of relationship btw those "managers" n us...n YES...it's really some well known beverage rest. in HK...许留山（i think) anyone heard this name Before? supposedly rather famous in HK..wad..established in 1980s..wat 50 over lian suo dians..but they are startin the 1st one in singapore..which is where i'm going to work :)..n they went on n on telling us we are the first batch..so if we performed well, there's a chance for us to rise to become managers blah blah...but Eh...i ll work there permanently les...yes les..hahaha...but tt lady very nice:).. n told us abt HK...tt gals there are practically crazy over sliming down... and those slimming pills are EVERYWHERE...n she's taking too..at the age of near 50..hahha.. but shés going to be with us for only a few mths..she's just here to train us... qutie pro right? i mean just coming here to train waitress n waiters..wad yall think? haha.. but this also means tt once she left...i'm going to face quite a prob communciating with those managers...coz they are ALL fr HK..

ORH!! there's this guy..in charge of kitchen stuff...he looks like some 黑帮老大（or at least those left right hand man..) !!..i can imagine him taking a knife n lead all his 兄弟s n 杀！in 九龙 or 旺角^^lll..hahaaha!( find a chance i secretly take a pic of him n let yall c:P) but well...ren bu ke mao xiang..he turns out to be rather nice too..heehe...though his GUO YU is "private limited" haha... he will just go on n on in CAnto..n i would give him the h-U-H? look...hahahs...

CRIME -SCENE~~~!!hahaz..just trying out how to post photos..:P 

她的身体习惯地靠着我的肩膀。
隔着毛线衣，我可以感觉到她的气息，但是我很清楚，这并不代表什么。
我们的鞋底听不到脚步声，只有踩在枯叶时，才发出干燥的声响。

她的眼睛总有一种无处可去的透明感。她时不时没来由地凝视着我，总会让我感到一阵悲哀。

我习惯等她的电话。
昏暗的客厅里空无一人。
我坐在沉默的空间里，凝视着空气中漂浮的灰尘，努力地想看清自己。
每个人都在追逐着某人，我却不知道未来如何，我伸出手去，只摸到一片茫然的空气。。。

她生日那天下雨了。为她买的蛋糕在拥挤的电车上已经像罗马遗迹般崩溃。无论如何，我们还是插了二十根蜡烛，点了火柴，关了灯，毕竟她还是很感激我的。

她开了一瓶红葡萄酒，吃了蛋糕。

“二十岁了，有点好笑。”她说，趴在桌子上，轻轻地摇晃着，偶尔玻璃杯里会有冰块撞动杯壁的声音，两眼盯着前面细细长长的玻璃杯，仿佛那杯红葡萄酒的存在对她的一生，有着重要的影响似的。玻璃杯旁的烟灰缸里，还有无数个白色的烟蒂。

我按下唱机的电源，从抽屉里找出一支香烟，点上火，慢慢抽了一口。数十年前流行的爵士钢琴声便从扩音器里流泻出来。
天花板。扩音器。电唱机。以及录音带。
我的视线散漫地游荡着。

就这样，我们沉默地对坐着。

“太晚了，我该走了。”
“再联络吧。”

我准备起身。
她茫然地凝视我。
她的眼眶溢一出了眼泪，不到一秒钟便滚下脸颊，掉落在红葡萄酒里，融合了。
泪水一决堤，就无法停止。

我手足无措，伸出手，轻触她的肩。
她的身体微弱地颤抖，我几乎直觉地抱紧她。
她靠着我，无助地哭泣，呼出的热气合着眼泪濡湿了我的衣服。
她的手仿佛在寻找什么似的，在我的背上彷徨地摸索。
她的眼泪的冷，透过我每一寸肌肤。
我叹了口气。除了轻轻地抚她的头发，等待她停止哭泣，听着她感情的崩溃，我什么也做不了，简直就是一个四肢健全的废人。

她过度哭泣，累了，睡着了。脸上的淡妆显得苍白无力。

我把她扶到了床上。
衣服的胸口还湿冷着，仍可以闻到她的洗发水味道。

我看了看熟睡的她，从衣架上拿了大衣。她并不属于我。她是一块浮游的冰块，朝一个我一无所知的黑暗海水缓缓地前进。当我一瞬间有一种抓到她的幻觉时，她又飘远了。我假装不知道也骗不了自己，只有自嘲式地苦笑。 这种感觉就像风一样，没有轮廓，没有重量。我带不走。又不能把它结束，甚至无法将它收藏起来。

地板上散布着唱片。桌上剩下一半崩溃的蛋糕。

我走出房间，悄悄地关上了门。

《20 30 40》

走过一岁是件很容易的事。。但是不知道为什么。。心中有点心痛。。仿佛失去了最珍贵的东西。。昏黄的灯光照在冰冷的手上。。想起童年,不知所云的生活。。每天可以因为多吃了一些零食而兴奋。。过的好快。。没什么值得留恋的。。没有记忆。。昨天。。我好像还曾在小学校的水池旁用石头丢鱼。。今天看见那样的孩子。。我会笑。。笑过之后的苦涩,很难懂。。生活改变着我。。不愿意看见自己的改变。。不愿意发觉自己的改变。。转眼20年。。我过的好慢。。每天重复着生活。。前边是什么? 脚下是什么? 懂事时会认为大人好。。长大后不知道什么是好。。也许这也是简单的轮回。。失去了判断的能力。。思想在纠缠。。讨厌看见初升的太阳。。不愿意看见新生的婴孩。。眼前似乎只有墙壁。。不可依靠,不会倾倒。。

你说该去把我的玫瑰看好了。。免得阳光把它偷吃掉。。我不明白。。你却神秘的对我说。。有些事我不用知道。。只有在我习惯了黑暗后。。我才能习惯光明。。你转身就走。。以至于我的下一个问题还未出口。。就把黑暗留给了我 。。

I'm exceptionally artistic! Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.hahaha...i'm too bored..resort to doing such quizes haha..but the result is even more hilarious...artist?! ARTIST?!?!yes..i'm sure-_-

Miles Away
by Carol Ann Duffy

I want you and you are not here. I pause in
this garden, breathing the colour thought is
before language into still air. Even your name
is a pale ghost and, though I exhale it again
and again, it will not stay with me. Tonight
I make you up, imagine you, your movements clearer
than the words I have you say you said before.

Wherever you are now, inside my head you fix me
with a look, standing here whilst cool late light
dissolves into the earth. I have got your mouth wrong,
but still it smiles. I hold you closer, miles away,
inventing love, until the calls of nightjars
interrupt and turn what was to come, was certain,into memory.
The stars are filming us for no one.



Warming Her Pearls

Next to my own skin, her pearls.
My mistress bids me wear them, warm them, until evening
when I'll brush her hair. At six, I place them
round her cool, white throat. All day I think of her,

resting in the Yellow room, contemplating silk
or taffeta, which gown tonight? She fans herself
whilst I work willingly, my slow heat entering
each pearl. Slack on my neck, her rope.

She's beautiful. I dream about her
in my attic bed; picture her dancing
with tall men, puzzled by my faint persistent scent
beneath her French perfume, her milky stones.

I dust her shoulders with a rabbit's foot,
watch the soft blush seep through her skin
like an indolent sigh. In her looking-glass
my red lips part as though I want to speak.

Full moon. Her carriage brings her home. I see
her every movement in my head ... Undressing,
taking off her jewels, her slim hand reaching
for the case, slipping naked into bed, the wayshe always does ...

And I lie here awake,
knowing the pearls are cooling even now
in the room where my mistress sleeps.
All night I feel their absence and I burn.

Carol Ann Duffy


oh my goodness! i'm hopelessly in love!! with CAROL ANN DUFFY!!!! miles away is AWESOME!! i really had a moment of epiphany when i read this english poem. warming her pearls is nice too...ok...at least it's one tt's MY cup of tea..haha..maybe not for others~~~:P...but oh manZ...these 2 are HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!! 第一次深刻的体会到。。文学是不分语言的。。:)