“Blog is really a powerful tool for people to share their daily lives or some thoughts which is not easy to verbalize. I have came to realized how powerful words are and especially how beautiful the Chinese language can be if you are able to use it correctly. A few words can mean so much as compared to English. This is not to say that English is not good but it is just a comparison. I never was interested in Chinese before and find it a torture especially to write in Chinese. How I managed the A2 in Os is pure hardwork or memorising and practise. Now I appreciate what Chinese language can do but still it is not enough to motivate me to *ah-hem* improve my command of this language.”

也许你不知道，当我看到你部落格上的这段字，心里悄悄地感动了好久好久呢。。因为，它对我来说，真的很有意义。。

我在巴黎的火车站，遇见一个拉风琴的少年。 他懒散的神情和随意的打扮吸引了我的目光。我好奇地走上前和他聊天。他说他多年来就是这么拉着风琴过生活。我问这样一无所有的生活会不会太没有意义和空虚。他没有回答，开始继续刚才被我打断的曲子。

“为什么不回答？”我问。
他笑了笑。“因为，你并不是在问我啊。”然后被起了背包，消失在人群中。

于是，某种东西，开始深深地印在我的脑海里。
我也笑了。因为，我也找到了我的答案。

巴黎的夜晚，还真的有点冷。我把双手藏进黑色的大衣里，在越夜越美丽的浪漫之都，独自漫步着。

--期待着巴黎的明信片。

身边的人用无法挽留的速度经过。

我以为在人这么多的地方更容易找到交谈的对象，才发现不是这么一回事。或许是相遇随手可得，所以不再珍惜。或许是可以接触的人多所以分散了关心。

然后，我渐渐发现我正在被人群那种庞大的漠不关心和迅速的来来去去给淹没。开始，我慌张了起来，想歇斯底里地大叫，而我的话语却被人群用不留痕迹的匆忙掩盖住。夜晚，我终于习惯、终于不再慌张。我开始变成人群里的一份子、我终于和大家一样了。不再突兀，也分不出哪个是自己，只是一片模糊。我不知道这是悲哀还是幸福，只是感到茫然、麻木。

在一片深不可测的黑暗里，我终于流下第一滴眼泪。在失去自己而得到別人认同之后，窗外灯火通明地那么热闹着。

而寂寞却更加鲜明。

--黄俊郎

所以，我们都去看了黄城。
是去看戏，也是看人。

或许真的老了，有些让大家哄堂大笑的笑话，怎么好象觉得已经并不是很好笑了。原来我们大家真的在改变。。当然黄城是不会变的，不管戏好不好看，对黄城人来说，上演了就是精彩的。因为我们对黄城有太多的包容和怜爱，因为黄城对过来人的意义在于谢幕和那首一辈子也忘不了的歌曲。纵然有再多的批评，在歌声响起的瞬间，都变成了温柔的回忆。毕竟，我总觉得这么多年来，只有黄城的那两年才是真正地为自己而活。怎么不知不觉三年就这么过去了，怎么觉得离开黄城的这段日子几乎是一片空白。

突然意识到为什么大学显得那么寂寞，那么难熬。雅，那种没人能了解的感觉，我想我是知道的。所以，对于城外的人，总会带点不言而喻的距离，无论他们有多好。

---记黄城夜韵07

The suffocation is killing me brutally. Slicing me into pieces, draining my blood dry. I stare into the broken mirror, the red is invading all dimensions. My flesh is falling apart. I want to moan, but my lips are torn. My ears are pierced before the loved words. I cant smell the sweet luring scent of my blood. Senses, are splashed onto the floor like a beautiful piece of art. I admire in pain and terror with my disfigured eyes. I know why my eyes are still there, an inner voice tells me, to witness every dismantling of me, in such beautiful cruelty. And I tremble with esctacy.

Everything’s gone but something’s still there. I look into the mirror. Crimson as ruby is the heart. I laugh with my eyes. And a fierce pang of pain shoot through the heart. Bitter, bitter is the pain. Harder, harder i laugh.

I laugh so hard that a film come over my eyes.
And my eyes fall off, with a drop of hanging red desperately clinching to the tip of the lashes.

The last tear I manage.
The last drop of my blood.

The heart stops.
And the broken mirror shatters into pieces.

Paris, Je T'aime 的小惊喜：

法国人也爱读村上
王尔德生命中最后的幽默: My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go.
______________________________________________________

So chyi and I were discussing about European lit on our way back from Paris, Je T'aime.

琪：“茶花女因该很穷吧。。”

哲（觉得问题很复杂）：“为什么这么说呢？”

琪（其实想得很简单）：“茶花女不是卖茶花的吗？”

哲：“！！！！（晕倒）”

琪：“eh?不是吗？？”

哲：“...”

琪：“shit.”

注：茶花女（La dame aux camélias) is a novel by Alexandre Dumas, fils. It is a story of a young man who has an affair with a courtesan, Marguerite. His father ends the affair, and Marguerite dies of tuberculosis. Apparently the much loved Moulin Rouge was adapted from this story.

I REALLY WANT TO WATCH THIS FILM

My wireless connection has been retardedly down for god-knows-what reason for the entire day. After hours of physical and psychological wear and tear, I simply accept that technology is stronger and more powerful than me: it works when it wants to, and when it doesnt, it's best to sit down and read a book or go for a walk , and just wait until the cable and network links are in a better mood and the computer decides to work again. I am not, i have discovered, my computer's master. It has a life on its own.

I've tired a few more times, but i have learnt from experience that it's best to just give up. The internet, the biggest library in the world, has just decided to close its doors to me for the moment.

AND I HAVE RESEARCH TO BE COMPLETED BY TONIGHT. BRAVO. The reason why i managed to post my frustrations is the act of illegal theft of random neighbour's wireless. Courtesy to the loopholes of technology.

“不知道从什么时候开始，我竟然忘了如何笑了。”

“然后呢?”

“于是，我在镜子前不停练习。可是镜子里的那张脸却还是目无表情。”

“也许你只是忘了什么是快乐。”

有時候，会无意之间弄丢一些重要的东西。有時候，丟掉了才发现其实那是无比重要。因此，我們害怕。我們刻意把重要和不重要的东西都保存着，养成了收藏癖、变成了收集狂。然而，最后却发现空间塞满的，其实全是不重要的東西。

重要的。。总在別处

“放我走好吗？”

“怎么了？”

“我只是累了”

“连他们也要放手吗？”

“这是一种足以鼓足勇气放弃一切的疲倦。”

其实真的很想悄悄地消失。
然后变成什么都不是。
没有名字。没有身份。没有过去。没有牵挂。

没有语言。

I'm so sick of:

checking emails
handphone ringing
going online

now. They just spell endless of troubles.

I'm so tired.
Tmr's CNY eve.
And i'm so so tired.

SO WHEN'S MY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVER GOING TO COME?!?

2 Quizzes, 2 Group Reports, 1 Strategic Decision Making, 1 Group IT Assignment.
Whoever says Acc modules are slack deserves a slap.

Living is a chore.
Chocolates. I need you to destress.

"一切都会过去的.."

这句话是那么地残忍和温柔

而我们只是在等心情刚好用完的时候

早上十点 双层巴士
在邂逅站牌后 迂回转折地
透露机场那 耿耿于怀的心事
到底天长地久 是什么意思

下午 中环地铁 扶梯每隔几秒
就换来节拍鲜明的 脚步
踏着各自人生的旅途
我们瞬间的交叉 只是巧合的过路

旺角的 人行道 有香港的味道
铜锣湾有个 家酒鲜海彩好
庙街的 125层的酥皮蛋挞
知道真的不是在开玩笑
那么玉街何时成为 景点之一
心知肚明又莫名其妙

倒数过后 只有兰桂芳的霓虹知道
街角暗巷的啤酒罐又在 哭诉
没有人听它被玻璃杯抛弃的故事
和酒客 满腹的心事

好累了 一瓶啤酒下肚
疲倦的眼皮垂钓着 夜色中的九龙半岛
醉了 醉倒在
一整夜的 香港情调

青铜古镜

就算那些历史都灰飞烟灭，连我们所处的时空也已经沧海桑田般地消失不见，你送的青铜古镜怎么又满面尘埃地回到人间，陪着我轮回再轮回。轻拂着它，恍如隔世的那段悲痛欲绝的离别，我调整着千年的时差，隐隐作痛。

为何要招惹来一段因该被遗忘的纠缠不清？令我从此惦记着未了的心愿，沉醉在半梦半醒之间，用宿醉的目光遥望脑海里从此怎么也抹不去的长安。梦中的我，带着前世的记忆，缓缓穿过屋前的竹林，推开水晶垂帘，看见那面被擦拭得耀眼夺目的青铜古镜，在月光下，正倒映出女人眉宇间一股挥之不去、只有我一个人才懂的，悲伤。

对不起，让你发现了

有些记忆本来应该被封印着，不能碰，一碰就是一次锤心的疼痛。
可是偏偏很自虐。总忍不住再做一次回首，寻找曾经的彷徨凄楚。

原来。。不容易陷入，所以也更不容易忘怀。

一直相信生命的真谛，不在表层，而在内心最幽微的地方。所以我天生带着黑暗来保护自己。
你却愿意在那里努力地找到我。所以我珍惜，真得很珍惜。

请谅解我的沉默，原谅我的分心。latte 不淡，只是我的习惯。习惯了自己默默地疗伤，默默地再寻回自己。

最近一直喝酒。因为只有理智散乱了，眼泪才能得到释放。
有止痛药吗？我真的很需要。

序

正是暮春三月。

苏堤岸百花争艳，芬芳袭人。在这繁花烟柳，苏堤春晓的辰光，西湖上自是有另一番景致。

烟水迷茫。碧波轻荡。西湖中停着一艘雕工精致的船。轻薄透明彩纱在风中飞扬，水晶垂帘被微风吹得不停地触击着，与船中女人们银铃般的笑声融合在一起，极为清脆悦耳。原来，里面也是一片花团锦簇，香气逼人。偶然几艘慕名而来得船只只能从垂帘中隐约寻得四位丽人的倩影--因袭唐代之旧，皆身着丝罗轻纱，体态轻盈。

只见一个身着玫瑰色绸缎的少女说道“姐姐，你今天的装扮真好看。”声线甜美清脆，面目清秀可人，娇小惹人怜爱。
腰带佩着一个玉环，一身素白的女子，冷艳地浅笑，气定神闲，目下无尘。
“难得姐妹们今儿个有游湖的兴致，其能辜负这西湖美景，自是得好好梳妆一番。”面容华贵，眼如水杏，秀外慧中，白皙的脖子上挂着一串雍容夺目的珍珠链子，身披一套石青裙摆的丽人笑道。
“可不是吗”看着周遭入神的黄衣姑娘搭腔，一脸不拘小节，开朗大方，声线微带嗲气，自有一番韵味。
“不过这些搭讪的公子哥儿真是令人不厌其烦。”玫瑰色的少女脸色微带不谑。
“只恨女子生来心眼浅，平白便点缀了众生，抬举了男人。”白衣女子冷冷道。

这一幕，初到杭州游湖段少尽收眼底。好个美景佳人，闲情雅致！
“这画船上的四位佳人乃是哪家的大家闺秀？李兄可否为之引见？”
同游的乐师李隐弦乃是江南享有盛名的名乐师，江南一带的名门望族无不争相邀入府弹奏一曲。

“这几位姑娘来头可不小，乃是虚香苑的江南四大名妓。风流美艳，聪慧灵秀，性格迥异，却亲如姐妹。身陷青楼，却洁身自爱，宁死决不委身于他人。如此才情却流落这花柳之地，也算是可怜人。”

段少听闻也只得一叹“红粉朱楼春色阑，到头来，依旧是风尘肮脏违心愿。可叹这世间的奇女子，无论长得多美丽，前途多灿烂，要不成了皇后，要不成的名妓，要不成了一个才气横溢的诗人。。她们的一生都不会太快乐。不比一个平凡女子；只成了人妻，去不必承担命运上的坎坷与凄艳的煎熬。。”

-续

《前缘》

如果真的有所谓的前世今生，那么，我们前世曾经是什么？
在那古老的江南秦淮，也许也曾有过同样的故事。那画船上抚琴的女子也在断肠吗？ 还是说，今夜的我，就是那个女子。就是几千年来弹着古琴等待着的那一颗悲伤的心。就是在莺花烂漫时蹉跎着，落着泪，等待着失散的姐妹们、等待着下辈子能遇上今生无缘却深爱的人的，那同一个人。

因此，如果今生再相逢，也许会觉得有些前缘未尽，却又如此恍惚，无法仔细地去分辨，无法一一地点说出。

姐妹们重逢了。而你呢？
又或许，你从来就不在乎。

很想写一封信 寄给过去
那年窗外的夏天 下着 秋天的雨
残留着寂寞的味道 是你 执意的漂茫
带不走的 透明心凉

昨天哭湿的心情
晾干之后
今天变得些许残黄

斑黄的痕迹是为了
纪念昨天的伤痛
直到
思念
过世

她站在阴暗的角落，双眼凝视着镜子里的那个人。就这么凝视着。。晶莹的泪珠滑落她的脸颊。她掩面哭了起来，好想拥那个人入怀。

可是，从黑暗中，她看进那人的双眼里，那里比南极更冰冷，比沙漠更荒凉。
于是，在自己的怀里颤抖了一夜。

http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/

My Complete Personal Profile:

You are a very sensitive person and you try hard (perhaps a little too hard) to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers. But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired and you are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. Stop trying so hard.

You are feeling very vulnerable at this time. Nothing seems to be going in the right direction - business wise, private-life wise, everything. You need some emotional security and an environment which could possibly provide fewer problems, but the way you are feeling you can't be bothered even to make the effort.

You have a high opinion of yourself. It is perhaps because of this self-centredness that you become exasperated when you feel that your needs are misinterpreted by those around you. When this happens - and it does quite often - you feel that there is no-one that can understand the way you feel and it is because of this egocentric self that you are quick to take offence.

It is said that we are all influenced by our environment and indeed you are no exception. It would seem at this time that even though you may be surrounded by people, you are experiencing an inner loneliness. Fortunately you are sufficiently strong minded to realise that life has a great deal to offer you and that you may miss your share of experiences if you fail to make the best use of every opportunity. You therefore pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity and are prepared to commit yourself deeply and readily. You believe that whatever you would like to do or think 'you can do' - you do! It is because of this attitude that you may be considered by others as arrogant and even conceited, but its fair to say that whatever it is that you really want out of life you will put your heart and soul into it and will not take 'NO' for an answer.

You are afraid that you may not be able to realise or achieve your hopes and desires and so you insist that people should accept you as you are and appreciate your rights to anything that you aspire to.

Try isnt it Mabel?