太感人了。。林志炫的歌声。。什么是沉醉，什么是莫名的伤悲，他毫无保留地就那么潇潇洒洒地告诉你。。

after reading your mail...xiya...i wana goooooooooooooooooo to the states to BOOST THEIR ECONOMY!--->for hols~

Lets have a SIS clan hols to the states!

茜雅，我们过得很好。好久没有这种感觉了，我终于觉得，活着，并不是只为了呼吸。也许是因为，我一直见到姐妹吧。总觉得，他们是我的氧气，只要和他们处于同一个空间里，一切都变得好舒服、好自在。。

昨天回了一趟华初，看了看黄城。正巧tiger在前线保卫国家（虽然我并不为此感到生命更有保障。。）终于也不知为何，买下了过期的华韵29。也许，我是想买下我们在华初留下的颓垣废墟，也好为我们的历史画上一个圆满的句号。我看到了我的创作、琪的、kan的。。有点惊艳，不敢相信那时的自己。。心，有点酸酸的。。在还没会意过来时，它又有技巧地消失在心底的某一方，摸不着岸、看不见底。。我终于了解为什么舞会为自己的生命做那样的决择。。 两只飞舞的血色蝴蝶，是她最好的归属。。在这个陌生又熟悉的城市。。（不知为何。。心里又传来一阵酸楚。。）
琪。。微笑的天使鱼。。我终于记住了。。没有悲伤的人，只是选择了快乐。。不会流眼泪的天使鱼就应该是快乐的吗？这一点，我门心知肚明、心照不宣。

kan，一首忘不了，醉生了昨夜，梦死了今朝。。“老天爷是公平的，它给了我们机会选择。但不公平的是，它给我们的选择。”这句话。。是不是punchline不重要了。。重要的是，它在我心里挖了一个洞，住了进去。

生日到了。这意味着我又向死神迈进了一步。可笑的是，全世界却沉迷于对死亡的欢呼中。可笑？其实也没什么。生死的界限模糊得像每天不断与我擦身而过却几乎身处于不同空间的人。死并不是生的相反，而是其中的一部分。忘了在哪读过。好像是村上春树吧。老套的说法，不过我们都在把这种叫做死亡的东西，向空气般吸入肺里存活着。

好哲理性的话题哦。问什么我会写这段文字呢？我也不知道。突然想到就写吧。在这除了键盘上我得手、跳动的文字、头顶上4极旋转的电风扇和流动的空气之外，一切处于静态的房间里。

其实生日又怎样呢?就如琪所说。。我对于手腕上那00：00 四个单调和空洞的数字没有任何特殊的情感。 我实在察觉不到1月6日的00：00和1月5日00：00的不同。难倒我在这一瞬间成熟了吗？很遗憾的。没有。真正有变化的可能只有长了0.00001mm 的头发和下个星期要完成的任务，哦~还有突如其来21岁学要承担的法律责任。谁真的去在乎年龄呢？"There is a certain part of us that lives outside of time. Most of the time we are ageless." --Milan Kundera
也许只有在生日和填表格的时候，我们才会意识到年龄的存在。

那生日的哲理性和他的平凡又什么关系呢？
当然，我会很村上地说
这两者一点关系也没有。

生日怎么可以少得了生日谢词呢？
（ahem ahem)
我要感谢所有记得提醒我死亡。。。哦不。。 生日的人们（哈哈。。）
真的谢谢你们。。rong, yun, wen, 彪、琪、茜雅、yirui(对于并不敢奢望记得你生日的人，会多出一分特殊的感动--〉we tend to take things for granted -_-），moogles, ICFF mates...还有好多好多人。。。
当然。。最重要的。。我要谢谢我的父母。。虽然，你们很少记得这个日子。。谢谢你们生下我。。还得忍气吞声抚养我长大。。可是冥顽不灵的我一次又一次地让你们失望，你们却总是毫不犹豫地原谅我的任性。。导演只给我们1分钟的时间。。。所以。。。摄影师等一下。。just a second!

谢谢你们。

i think my muscles will completely atrophy by the end of the holidays. i am turning into a spineless slug with the braincell count of a single-celled organism. the sofa is my habitat! just place a handphone, a remote control, a bunch of VCDs, a few bags of lays bbq chips, within an arms reach and i will THRIVE.

well lets see, yesterday i spent the entire day alternating between a) sleeping AND b) watching tv AND c) stone. talk about a meaningful existence. just throw in a carton of beer and i'd turn into an old paunchy middle-aged man.

and so the degeneration begins. the word "productivity" has been flung out of the window along with assorted OB/ECONS/IT notes which i hope i will NEVER EVER have to see again in my life. ok..indeed i dont.

i've watched so much TV i can practically describe to you in detail EVERY SINGLE advertisement (Superhost being the trademark of Channel U advert now)i need something to do. and i need to stop descending into bouts of narcolepsy and falling asleep every few seconds. i couldn't even get through a MOVIE without falling asleep, and your brain is supposed to be more inactive while watching TV than while sleeping. this must be the repercussions of chronic sleep deprivation for most of the year. i think i may just dig a hole and go into hibernation.

i am traumatised for LIFE. i was sitting down on the living room floor, doing my work on the coffee table while watching GOTCHA when i felt something tickling my leg. thought it was my kid bro and so i peeked under. to my utmost horror, it was the biggest(no 2nd biggest on second thoughts)cockroach i've ever seen in my 20 years! i screamed feebly (courtesy of sore throat) and scrambled away. but it decided to traumatise me further by coming straight at me! screamed endlessly while i jumped onto the sofa, followed by my dad bursting from his bedroom wondering what on earth happened to me. YUCK. that abhorrent creep met with its end soon after. i'm still scarred for life.

imagine a gulag in the depths of inner mongolia or something of that sort. zoom in on the faces of emaciated people toiling away, shivering in the sub-zero temperatures. then pan out, and there's yuzhe warm and toasty in an eskimo suit beaming happily from outside of the barbed wire fence, taking a happy touristy shot, waving cheerfully at the POWs and then traipsing off into the sunset.

that pretty much sums up my sentiments now. i am one of the LUCKY FEW in the ENTIRE batch, whose exams have ended on tuesday. the rest will be mugging all the way up till god-knows-when. i shall shut up before someone decides to drop a crate of unheard-of Engineering(or what) textbooks on me and squish me into oblivion.

but liberation is sweet. :)

the past week has been nothing but MUGGING. IT textbook is probably permanantly etched into my retinas. i am not a natural at IT, and my brain processes such information at the speed of bangkok traffic.
As such i spend about 10 times more time mugging for IT than a humanities subject( Business LAW) (read: virtually nothing for humanz). but NEVER AGAIN will i have to tolerate DRAM and database or 3G phones and stupid tablet pcs.

this makes me very happy. yeah. i'm not going to think about the possible permutations and combinations of my result. no. i'm going to embrace everything with an open heart( esp for IT).

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT) You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

this is as true as it can possibly get. BFX

时光是那么地神秘，像风一样，看不见，抓不住。你无从感觉他的存在。只有在风起时，散落在四处的文稿才让我愕然发现---那是散落一地的生命碎片。。

我心痛地拾起它们，细细地重新回过头来审视这些遗失的自己，恍如面对生命里无法言传去又复返的召唤。那是要用直觉去感知的一种存在，是很难形容的一种疼痛中又微带甘甜的战栗。那种疼痛在有意无意之间化为低落在稿上的透明液体。而在这一切之间，我终于又重新碰触到那几乎已隐而不见，藏在极深极深的海底、却又从来不曾离开的心。

我用泪水把它们细细地包裹，纵身一跃，向极深极深的海底游去，去找那个美丽的匣子。
让它们在匣子的怀中日渐化作一颗晶莹剔透。。

我发现我欠好多我珍惜的人--生日债。。
安琪。维彪。瑞宁。还有KAN（这要看他还是否健在）
没办法。。 考试后再说吧。。我就找一天拉他们（不需要拉维彪~：D因为会在那里找倒他)去草根。。木船。。

lucifer by glen duncan-- how it's like to be The Devil, Lucifer himself.
it's interesting, laced with dark thoughts, something to feed the darkness i feel. it almost borders on blasphemous, me thinks, but it's insightful. "Temptation's less about wearing someone down with repitition than it is about finding the right phrase and dropping it at the right time." how amazingly true- i couldn't have put it any better myself. choice- the one thing that can redeem and at the same time, doom us. forgive my lack of eloquence- basically, that's one of the themes of the book. we are defined by the choices we make.
..the ideas, the theories, the Bible rewritten in what might be the other side of the story.. it's captivating and yet it makes me question, makes me wonder.

i felt sad after finished it, lucifer. what's heaven like? in the book, Lucifer's fall from grace resulted because he wanted to live in a world without God as its center. (this is by no means accurate, but a variation of possible truth) his price for freedom, in the book, was eternal damnation. thing is, heaven is a wonderful place right? there's no sickness, no guilt, no sinners- we are redeemed by the ultimate act of salvation. but our whole life in heaven is supposed to be dedicated to glorifying God. there is no freedom, in that sense- we can't do what we want for ourselves, no selfish needs. where does that leave us then? eternity serving God and doing nothing else sounds... long. sometimes i wonder if i have it in me because i am so selfish, because i am so human.

because of the exams i'm going through one of these gawd-i-wish-i-were-on-vacation-moments argh.

i want to go to MoMA [the Museum of Modern Art], screw the MET. this place has the most fantastic collection of modern art! you know all the paintings that you've ever been learning bout in art classes? they've got 'em all. i could literally put my nose up against every pointalism painting they had. Did i mention they had at least 8 seurats?

and stary night, despite its cliches (being a van gogh, being a van gogh on every damn calender, having bad songs sung about it)surprisingly manages to take your breath away.

pay my respects to picasso.
i want to buy his "3 Musicians" and the " night cafe" should I ever have roughly an infinite amount of money in loose change/ oh and "the painting that changed art history forever"...at least according to some people, a painting of crudely drawn naked prostitutes (:

i still like it though, there's a je ne sais quoi to it.
it's quirky of course there was Warhol and every single lovely campbell's soup can ever printed and monroe who we all loveMatisse - minus the snail which is in the Tate Modern, always sublimeMarcel Duchamp and the Wheel on a Stool, personal favourite/best title given to a piece of work "Stare through the crack with one eye closed for an hour"all the surrealists. totally surreal, totally dreamlike and at the same time all too realistic for a painting.. my favourite italian futurists (: all in one building at that chagal!

and of course the only 2 American men I can actually stand as artists Rothko and Barnet-Newman. Warhol is international property :Pand Pollock. i love Pollock. could i love anyone more than i love Pollock?(well, yes)

but heck, i love Pollock. Pollock = Greatest inspiration. Much love to Pollock.hell, you can say it's just a splatter. but when you see these splatters on that massive scale,you kinda take a step back and go "wow."

Upon second watching( from unspeakable sources), I have decided that the familifying of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory wasn't as sacrilegious as I had previously thought, and I enjoyed it immensely after that. (ok..so wat am i doing admist the preparations for exam? oh the pt is, did i ever embark on that sacred mission anyway?)

watched it with my little bro. seeing it with him, as nice as it was to see him [note my use of a quantifier!], diminished the johnny depp gawking experience. i heart johnny. though, i do believe i prefered him more in pirates simply because he looked less like michael jackson and well, more like a man. i mean, i like androgeny, i just wouldn't like to fuck it. it's like how some articles of clothing are just meant to be appreciated and not worn. it was totally unlike how i imagined the book to be [except for the edible grass bit, which was scarily spot on] but i loved it! first time that happened too, i mean usually if you really like a book, when a movie doesn't conform to your point of view you end up hating it, but this one was cool. complete acid trip. which is why i heart tim burton as well. it had his stamp all over it, all the houses/buildings were like transplanted from the nightmare before christmas set. the best bits were the really trippy ones, with all the references to 5th Dimension (Good Morning Starshine), The Beatles and St.Pepper...Didn't particularly like the back story, or the hallmark approved ending. Dahl was never big on that type of gig anyway. And was it just me? but did charlie merely win because everyone was an utter arse? And [this is an afterthought] i didn't quite like Johnny as Willy Wonka [*gasp* blasphemy!]..yeah he made the character his own but that's precisely what was so wrong (?) with it. then again, i've got my own preconcieved notions of how the book should be interpreted and johnny's portrayal just doesn't fit in with my worldview.


BUT, it occured to me that despite the trippy quality of the film, it was, at its basis, a children's film. I asked the my kid brother what he thought of it and he said he enjoyed it, and when it comes down to it, that's all that matters - that kids enjoy it. That's always been what Charlie's about, making children happy. So as much as purists and almost adults who grew up reading and loving Charlie go "WTF WONKA HELLO?", the most important people are the children watching it now. While being admittedly kind of trippy, it achieved that, so it fulfilled it cause.

someone just sent this to me, it's kinda cool so have a read

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.I

am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.I

am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

post this if you believe homophobia is wrongso... the last one's a little cheesy, but we'll live.

i'm feeling the pain. Why are you doing this to yourself? i sense you are suffering, i see you are sufferring, you tell me you are suffering.. and there's nothing i can do here. " talk to me to 8 45. i wan to talk"..do you know how this sentence aches my heart? i hate this blardie helpless feeling. i wana cry. serious. it isnt good seeing the special person tt you treasure so much torturing herself and i can only say take care take care take care...it's useless..you tell me you will..you tell me not to worry..but i know it's not gonna be like tt..but WAT CAN I DO?! damn it! i couldnt think of a better thing to say...

but why you? of all ppl why do i feel such affinity towards you? i cant find a reason.it doenst matter how far we are, if doenst matter whether we even talk to each other...certain things just doenst matter..nothing can explain..it's like my destiny..i can feel so much for your situation i dono why. others i don give a blardie damn. and yet, i'm seeing you piercing yourself with your own thorns, bleeding yourself dry. i cant stop it neither can i leave it. i can only suffer with you. it's weird..ppl do have expectations for others. i have non for you. don ask me why.. coz no matter how much you've changed... i ll take you as you are..
strange as it seems but it's true..the naked sense sometimes see too little - but then always they see too much.

me cai yirui and jinghan~  

me and cai again...y? coz she's damn amazed by my British Airways~~ -__________-lll.. 

me and cai~ she's in hall 13 wor~ serious i think my class has tonnes of chiobus(pls refer to class photo)~ haha... if any of yall interested tell me~hahah! =D..anyway...the background is nice hor! 

ppl~ cover your ears! ZHIHUI's HERE! haha this gal is loud and cheeky as ever.. 

anyway...this is the REAL difference in height~~..SORRY XIAO P!! my bao bao!! haha~ bi bao rox~ 

stary stary night~~ the MAF committee did a good job for the lightings~i love this photo! 

the pretty pretty lanterns at the central plaza! 

a bit blur...but PW grp!! yes the horrendous PW..haha~ gosh...i'm qutie impressed by whoever who starte the PW photo taking thingy..i mean..WHO ll rmb tt?!!?haha! 

A13!!! but xiya hon amm shiyu zhiwei and stella are no longer there...haiZ..ziqian is somehow as extra as ever!!hahahah! 

MAF! heehee Jing yirui and me!!