我不喜欢太热闹的地方，越热闹反而显得人越脆弱，心里越怕寂寞。怕独自一人被冷落，或者看起来如此。毫无安全感地口香糖般黏着别人。一个人难道就那么可怕吗？人本来就是赤裸裸一人降临人世。连体婴根本就是违法自然规律。质本独来还独去。不用担心走失。想走哪儿走哪儿。这样不好吗？唉。。说我就孤僻，我行我素？想想也有些道理吧。。。

         对！就是那只漆黑的猫。
 
         远离它，远离那只充满了诱惑和诡异的猫。

　　一团黑影霍地从腿边蹿了过去，就那么一瞬间。还没等舞惊呼，那黑东西已在几步处立住，回首看着她。是一只黑猫，黑得与夜溶为一体。她所能见到的，只是猫的眼睛，在惨白的月色下发出莹莹的绿光。

         舞喜欢站在高楼上，往下扔瓶子。不必太高的楼，四层，就够了。瓶子落地很快，但她仍然能清楚地看到它落地的曲线。摔在地上，发出一声很清脆的声音，连无期徒刑的选择都没有，碎了。那些破碎的瓶渣像尸体，在跟历史一样不眠的路灯下变得不再属于这空间的宁静，让她有一种奇特的快感。

     “有一天我也会象这样掉下去！”舞对风笑道。

　　风近来很忧郁。和他在一起一年多了，舞摔瓶子的习惯已有三个月了。这种发泄方式，是风提议的，而近来好象摔得更频繁了些。这令风感到担心，他怕舞真的哪天会把自已象摔瓶子那样摔下去。殉葬。

       说实在地，舞觉得风真得很好。长得平凡，可是舞就是喜欢他。

       其实舞想，她是不会从高楼上跳下去的，她担心就是跳下去了也不见得听得到她骨头碎裂的声音。况且，象她这样爱美的人是不会让自已死得那样难看的。

       舞说她还想扔两个瓶子再回家。于是风下了天台去买汽水。 

　   天台的风很大，舞穿着白色长裙，颈上一根长长的白丝巾往后搭着，这条丝巾是风送的。丝巾的两端各绣着一只展翅的蝴蝶。这两只蝴蝶一般是看不见的，特别是丝巾飘起来的时侯，因为它们也是白色的。舞想她一定很美丽。美得令她想起舞，在印象派的安眠曲下。天使？谁说一身白色就是天使？她倒想做一个美丽而充满了颓废气息的诱人的吸血鬼。

　   舞爬在天台高高窄窄的护墙上，往地面上看时，有点晕，风吹时，身子有点晃。
霍地，她看见有只黑猫在楼边坐着，头偏侧着望向她。舞突然意识到这就是那天晚上吓到她的那只黑猫。此时它坐在那边，一幅很美丽很温顺还带着点俏皮的样子望着舞。舞觉得它在不安分地挑逗着她。她很想去摸摸它。是的，摸摸它。走过去。

* * * * *

　　“舞……”风在后面轻轻地叫着。

　　“快下来，舞……”风的声音格外温柔。

　　  她回头去看风，风正慢慢地朝她走来。

　　“瓶子呢？”舞见他两手空空。

　　“在那儿。”他嘴里说着，表情很是凝重地走向舞。

         舞发现风的表情有点怪。想不出是哪儿怪的怪。舞只好把手伸向风：“给我瓶子。”

         风一把抓住舞的手，拦腰把舞拥入怀里，把她抱离了那个高高窄窄的护墙。

　　“舞，你疯了吗？”风抱住她不肯放手，非常非常紧。紧得有点痛。

　　舞这才意识到刚才有点象在自杀。可是她真的没有想到要自杀。至少现在没有。

　　她只是在看一只猫。一只黑猫。

　　“哪有什么猫。”

　　舞手指向楼下。很奇怪，那只黑猫不见了。跑了吧。

　　风吻着舞，眼睛红红的。

　 “以后不许爬墙……不，还有，以后不许摔瓶子了……还有，不要离开我半步……还有……”

        舞冲着风傻傻地笑了。风却哭了。

　　一个着白衣的女子怀抱着那只黑猫，偏着头向婷笑。她的眼睛，在一笑间充满了妩媚，温柔，却还隐隐藏着一点邪恶。舞不明白，人的眼睛怎么会是这样的。象猫。象极了她怀里那只黑猫的眼睛。她的大眼睛冲舞眨了一眨，很温柔地说：“你活不过元旦。”然后便从舞身边飘然而逝。

　　舞骇然。
 
* * * * *

　　“当然，我只是跟你玩玩。”

　　“为什么？”

　　“不为什么，只是因为我寂寞，只是因为我想找个情人，尝尝堕落的滋味，只是因为你有钱又浪漫比较适合做情人。”

　　杰瞠目结舌。

　 “你是一只猫！”

　　于是舞想到了那只黑猫，还有那个怀抱黑猫的女人。

　 “有个女人说我活不过元旦。”舞轻轻笑道。

　 “那真好，你活着专门害人。”杰恨恨地说。

        舞咯咯地对杰嫣然一笑。对于杰，她需要的只是堕落，她不需要感情。

* * * * *

        风站在高楼上默然地看着舞。杰的事，他六个月前就知道了。

      “分手吧…”舞一直觉得对不起风，或者说，她根本连自己都无法了解。分手对风来说，也许更好――她配不上风。

        风什么也没说，只要舞快乐，风宁愿选择离开。默默地离开。

        那只黑猫，不知什么时候出现，跟在了风的背后。

        舞独自站在天台上，右眼落下了自己也不知道为何会涌现的泪。泪掉落在掌心。化开。 蒸发成寞落。她蜷在天台一角，安静地看着前面霓虹招牌，一整条街上像堕落和衰亡般绚丽的颜色，手里拿着两瓶汽水慢慢地吸着。

       只听到自己的鼻息。淹没时间的鼻息。

       风走了，竟然忘了瓶子破碎的声音。好象突然一下子没有摔瓶子的习惯了。她把瓶子拎过头顶，闭上了眼睛，用力地往下摔。

       玻璃汽水瓶碎的声音少了平时的嚣张，多了一声沉重的巨响。

* * * * *

     “昨天夜里，一名５４岁的老翁被发现横尸在乐门路三房式组屋大牌５９１下。相信他是被高楼抛下的玻璃瓶击到头部以致不治…”

* * * * *

     “喂？是风吗？”

     “…”

     “伯父的…对…对不起…我…”舞哽咽。

     “……嘟―――”

* * * * *

         舞再也没看见过风了。他们说风去了很远很远的一个地方，不会再回来了。舞要去找风。他们很忧郁地看着舞，说风去了一个谁也不能去的地方。

         明天就是元旦。晚上穿着露颈露肩的长裙还真的有点儿冷。风送舞的那条长长白丝巾又围到了脖子上。

         瓶子碎了，用玻璃轻轻划过手腕。没有疼的感觉，血以舞想象不到的速度涌了出来，很美丽的样子。凄美。

         那个有着一双猫眼的女子怀抱着黑猫突然出现在舞眼前，偏头向舞无语地笑着，露出一丝嘲讽的神情。舞没理她，瞪着她怀里的黑猫。问道：“你不是跟着风吗？他在哪？”

         黑猫偏着头，用和女子一样的神情望向舞。

         午夜零时零分零秒。教堂的钟声。参杂远处倒数读秒的欢呼。在这个陌生又熟悉的城市。

         再找不着风了。舞颓然地垂下头。白丝巾滑落下来，那两只白蝴蝶陡然变成了血红色。

        下雪了。

　　舞的整个世界里，最终只有两只血色蝴蝶在飞舞着。

惨不忍睹的lep，用了最残忍的手段袭击我最脆弱的软穴。深陷山谷的滋味，与自负成了对比。
陈博士问我：“你发生了什么事？”。好明显的失望。
我不知道。不要问我。不知道。不知道。不知道。。
约翰，谢谢你，但是我实在无法勉强装着没事。对不起，撒了一个牵强的谎言。
有些东西，我输不起。放不下。排山倒海的挫败。
演了一天的默剧，真想用剃刀割下笑容。只想呆呆的看着世界倒下，有那种撕裂自己的冲动。懒得思考，也不想思考。。我知道。这只是一个小的挫败。。没办法，我是女人。只好仁凭不听话的心好放肆地滥放感情。失控了。不管天将降多少大任于斯人也。
 
我好想哭。
好想哭。
想哭。
哭。
 
 

haha..watched meangals..tt show's bimbotic man~..the MOST bimbotic show i've EVER watched!! haha..omg..tak bor leh tahan lah~~haha..but $6 50 for a good laugh is ok lah...hhaaha..lindsay lohan n all those gals are like how bItChY..-_-..not to forget how scheme they are(actually only lindsay lohan n another gal..de others no brain for scheming.)..there's this bimbo who is--WAH~ i BAI4 her! ppl play ball games use hands to catch the ball..she uses her breast to ding3 de ball away lah~ goodness!!! HAHAHAHA..tt's not the end, when someone screamed at her insulting her HOW STUPID she is..lindsay lohan tried(as a hao ren) to console her..but she give an 'innocnent' look..or rather DUMB look n say bimbotically "it's ok~ i'm stupid~:)"...DOTZzzzzz..n n N!!! the ONLY thing she's capable of is to do weather forecast using her breast!!diaoZzzzzzzz..-___-lll..WAHHHHHHHHH *faints*..wo3 da4 kai1 yan3 jie4~~~o_O..well..the nan zu jiao is SHUAI!!! i mean..charming~~^^.but den again..HE IS A BIG TIME HIMBO!! even worse man~haha..super no brain~urgh..this kind of guys arg..-_-lll..zhen de you ren xi huan leh...ok..tt explains the existance of BIMBOs rite?muahahaa..

haha..today's chen lao shi lesson (bu kui shi poet:D)was a huge improvement fr yu kapo's~~Oops...shhhhhhhh...haha..but at least i DIN fall asleep:PpPpPpp..but den again..i was BIG TIME BFX by him~~~hahaha..he is needed to xin1 my chou3 shi4~~:P..but haha..it was my fault lah..who ask me so lazy to think of storyline for TAI CONG MING..n just anyhow recycle a storyline~~..den changed the ending~~heeZ..but tiger say CANNOT..coz later the kao guan oso got read before den die~~~haha..oks..pt taken~:P..but den again..this shows that--wateva chou3 shi4s done by anyone of us~~the WHOLE lot of lep teachers ll know~~hahahahaa...beware BEWARE~~~:D..

洛水之神轻飘水上,似曾相似
悲感尘世间
流水行程
忘不了丝连着过往云烟
含泪回眸
一笑百媚为我生
七步千醉豆泣中
神光离合

叹
终是人神有别
幻影飘逝匆匆惊鸿一瞥
顾望怀愁
永绝
只见眼前青山
空妩媚

断笔之处
洛神之赋

世事烟飞云散
只留下几页绮丽古纸
几页散落在人间的罕为人知...

pls: thx a lot mel for all the help~:)

there's one thing i rly hate abt exams..rly cant understand y the hell they expect us to give the bunch of knowledge that we learn with only such minimal time?!?! wat the heck is this? wat's the pt of testing on our writting SPEED? so..am i suppose to write tt FAST in the future for wat eva reports in work? (we do have something call computers now..) or r they training us to be efficient secretaries(the only job i can associate to..)? so..EVERYONE's gonna be a secretary HOR?..ok..den TELL me n CONVINCE me wat the hell is the hidden purpose of..of forcing us to scribble until arm aches? tell me lah! exams are meant to test knowledge wat? does tt matter soOoo much to give us slightly more ample time to write n plan essays? i seriously don get he pt..come on..isn't it better for the markers or who ever so to get better quality scripts to mark n more legible handwrittings? wat's the pt of scribbling frantically n end of in hast when u actually still have SO much to write? WAH~~~~ it RLY does test ur studying of the subject or not leh...i'm SURe it rly DO test my knowledge..-_-..

stuuuuuuuuuuuupid...they are demanding us to write FAST, with NEAT handwrittings, n QUALITY work..HAHA..my toes r LAUGHING!..maybe the whoeva who come up with such insane criteria do some demo...

thank goodness yuzhe's most hated LEP paper's over..WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! kill me!!!! can someone pls do the world a favour by tearing the ultra stupid chao2 dono wat (is it pronounce as SUI4? *scratch head* ) zuan4.. i COMPLETELY left it out fr my last min lep revision!! T_T the feeling is so funny lah..can u imagine.. i finally came to the end of the paper--gu wen, n i realize i DON UNDERSTAND a blardie thing!! i don RMB studying tt one at all...to think xiya just reminded me the day before to study it..URGH~..rly is not he noes me i dono him...n i think i'm superb loh..manage to crap a TOTALLY out of pt translation for mei ling chen...hahaaha...i was laughing away while writing..btw..let me bet with u..mei ling is gonna share my brilliant 0/8 piece with the WHOLE lecture..trust me...i can foresee it in time to come..T_T..so nice ppl out dere..don laugh ok..yall r HAO RENs hor.(better por yall now~~:PPpppPP)

okies..anyway..as if i care lah..had my dinner at this niao3 bu4 sheng1 dan4 place at queenstown..aiyah..as ulu as u can imagine..it's under daylight yet i felt so eerie walking pass..T_T..but the food's DMAN nice..felt like a glutton..coz we order SOoOo many food..even the 3 uncles at the nxt time kept staring at us..HeEZ.they must be thinking: goodness..3 gals can eat SO much!! haha..Oops..paishe..but well,so we SHDn't discrimminate ulu places okies~ haha,a brilliant excuse to eat kopitiam food..thx a lot wen!!!^^but haiZ..i din manage to find any suitable shoes at queensway..as usual..all those cliche designes..actually i found this super cool nike spiderman(de web only..i don rly like spiderman tt much..) sneakers..it's my fav color combi..n it costs only $72 ard there!! but there's something wrong with the manufacturers..the biggest pair cant fit my feet( eh eh..mine's normal size ok~^^)when it's not rly for kids-_-..r they clever or r they clever?! haha..pretty sad..but oh well,it's okie..coz this COOL BUTCH attended me...OMG~ u can c my face~~..was mesmerized by her~~~~..rly is not realize tt i was practically staring at her all the time...Oops..:P..does tt *hint* anything? Oh no~~~hahaha..but she's rly cool..i mean..aiyah..dono how to put it..but i'm quite sure is those stella would like..(considering her taste)..saw a lot of butch at orchard...but she seems a little diff from others..maybe i shd go da shan~~:D..haha..i'm crazy~~haha..

anyway..as we were walking out of queensway..saw 3 construction workers carrying one hun1 mi2 bu4 xing3 worker n they were carrying in this way: the sicked one laying straight with one supporting his hand, another his body n another this leg..they just walked pass us in this awkward manner...n RLY give a SCARE out of my wits~ i mean..the 1st thought tt came to my mind was: is this man dead?..but heng he was not..XIA SI WO LE~~phew~..feel pretty sad for the guy..he must have worked very hard (too hard) to support his family back in china until he fainted..haiZ..poor guy..but there are sooo many such poor souls out dere trying to make ends meet, swollowing all the hardships n sorrows on their own..i dono..whenever i saw such ppl..i couln't help but feel this pain in me..coz i couldn't do anything to help them..hmm..haiZ..ji ren zi you tian xiang..*amituofou*..

okies..enough of updating my stupid life with all the liu2 shui3 zhang4s...shall slp now..(though the i'm still quite high over the butch..maybe she can keep me high over the nxt few days~~wahahaha...):D